I had no idea that Ryder and Maddox would blow past the line of friendship like it never existed. I still don’t understand why they did that. Embarrassed as I was at first, I’m glad that I took off like a scared rabbit.
Or I was until he turned it around and used it against me.
I hate myself for crying over it. I feel stupid for shedding so many tears over a few words. A few words that were said withspite and mean absolutely nothing.
I feel even worse for letting him suck me into his orbit when I knew better. For thinking even for a second, I was anything more than a challenge to him. He isn’t used to being told no. He doesn’t know what boundaries are. That I did both excited him. It’s apparent now that’s all it has been.
More than all of that though, I hate myself because I was actually starting to fall for him. Because despite his asshole tendencies, Ryder is a beautiful soul. He hides it well, but he cares more than he’ll ever admit for the people in his life. He’s passion and electricity. Just being in the same room with him is sometimes difficult because of the confidence and charisma he exudes. Sometimes he’s too much. Too much energy. Too much emotion. Too much honesty. But I’m drawn, nevertheless.
He came over yesterday and said he was sorry. I don’t believe him. I think he’s just sorry that he failed to accomplish his goal. Or maybe he has a guilty conscience.
It doesn’t matter if he is sorry. I don’t want any part of someone who could treat me so poorly. Anyone who would utter such horrible and hurtful things. With a few words he made me feel like trash. He made me feel like a whore and not worth his time.
I don’t deserve that. No one deserves to be treated or spoken to like that, and I’m not going to forgive him because he sayssorry.
No more tears will be shed over the rich, spoiled playboy. I won’t give him a second chance to hurt me.
I walk out of the steamy communal shower to my dorm room. Quietly, I open the door, hoping I don’t wake Heidi. It’s still early and she was out late last night, but I have to get ready for work. I volunteered for a double today since I have nothing else to do. The extra money will come in handy.
I throw on a pair of jeans and my Arnold’s t-shirt before I shrug a hoodie over my head only to realize it’s Ryder’s hoodie I borrowed when theytook me ice skating before Thanksgiving break. It still freaking smells like him too.
I yank it back over my head with a growl, tossing it across the room. I wince when it doesn’t make it to my bed.Instead,it lands on my desk, knocking over the lamp, which causes the ceramic mug of pens and pencils to go crashing, creating a domino effect. So much for staying quiet.
Thankfully, Heidi doesn’t stir. Friday and Saturday nights she always parties her heart out. It would be funny except it never fails that come Monday she’s a bit of a witch with a capital B from her weekend long hangover.
I dig until I find my favorite oversized Pink Floyd hoodie. I pull it over my head, grab my jacket, and then head out the door, quiet as a very noisy mouse.
I walk out the building’s main door to the biting gust of Old Man Winter. I hate when it’s cold and windy. My walk to the bus stop is going to be a miserable one. I brought my car when I returned from my parents’, but the thought offinding a place to park gives me anxiety. I don’t think I driven more than twice since Igot back the other day.
I pull my hood over my head and wrap my jacket tighter around me. Of course, I get to walk against the wind, making it that much more biting.
“Need a ride?” His voice makes my heart race and stop all at once. It’s frustrating and pathetic what the sounds of that deep voice does to me.
I try not to turn around and look. As usual, when it comes to Ryder, I fail miserably. I see him leaning against his car with the collar of his leather jacket pulled up around his ears and a hood covering his head. It makes him look menacing.
I shake my head with a scowl. I may not be able to resist turning to look, but I won’t be getting in that car with him. Not now or ever again.
I don’t take more than a couple of steps when the sounds of boots slapping pavement and crunching follows behind me. They’re not hurried, but then they don’t need to be. Even if I were several feet in front of him, his long stride could catch me quickly.
“Stop walking away, pixie.” He grips my arm and spins me. I raise my other hand, ready to bring to his cheek, but he catches it. His eyes flash furiously as he walks me backwards until I’m pressed against a nearby car. He braces his arms on either side of my head. “Don’t push your luck, Heaven.”
“Why are you here?” I growl.
“I came to give you a ride, so you don’t freeze your ass off.”
“I’d rather freeze than get in a car with you.”
“I just want to talk, pixie.” His frustration is showing. He truly,trulyhates to be refused. He might claim to accept that he can only control himself, but it’s a lie. He hates when he can’t control anything, and right now, he hates that he can’t control me.
“You’ve said more than enough. I got the message loud and clear,” I laugh humorlessly. “Just go. Go and leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Well, you don’t have a choice. I’m not getting in your car, and this conversation is over.” I duck under his arms quickly. “I mean it, Ryder. Stay away from me.”
I walk away without looking back.
My first shift at the diner goes by quickly. Saturday morning breakfast rush is always so busy that I barely have a moment to breathe. Today, that was perfect. It kept my mind off of Ryder showing up this morning.
