I don’t leave the diner for the two hours between shifts. It seems pointless and a waste of money to go all the way back to the dorm. Instead, I sit in a far booth, pull my history notes out of my bag, and try to study for my history test. The words begin to blur as my mind travels exactly where I don’t want it to. Instead of focusing on the three Reichs of Germany, my mind is pulled to Ryder. After an hour, I heave a heavy sigh and push it all away angrily.
I wish he’d just leave me alone. I don’t want to be part of his games anymore. I feel stupid that I didn’t realize it was all a game in the first place.
He had me fooled with his dark, shadowed eyes that appeared to hold so many secrets. I thought there was more to him than money and arrogance. I guess he’s a better actor than I thought.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, today?” Darla asks as she sits across from me.
I smile at the forty-something year old woman with her bright blue eyes that always seem to radiate happiness. I want that. I want to be happy like she is.
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind, Darla,” I smile sadly.
“Looks like someone is having boy trouble. Want to talk about it?”
My eyes go wide as a flush creeps its way up my neck. “Am I that obvious?”
“Eh.” She tilts her hand back and forth in a so-so manner, then starts laughing. “No, sweetheart, you’re not that obvious. I’ve just been there. I may be old, but I’m not that old.”
“You’re not old, Darla,” I giggle.
“No, I’m not. I’m not old at all. But to a teenager, I usually seem ancient. Now, why don’t you tell me about it.”
“It’s nothing really,” I wave her off with a sigh. Then I decidewhy not. Why not get this off my chest? Sure, I’ve spoken to Heidi at length about it.Actually, morelike cried on her shoulder inconsolably for hours. But Darla is a grown up. I’m not one of those narrow minded, self-absorbed teenagers that think adults don’t understand. This woman has nearly two decades on me. She must be full of insight, right? “This boy, I thought we were friends, but he said something to me that really hurt.”
“Friends, huh?” Her smile is warm and gentle. And knowing.
“Yes, Darla, friends. I swear.” Then I shake my head with a laugh as I divulge the truth. “Though, if he would’ve gotten his way, we would’ve been more than friendly. That’s kind of why I got my feelings hurt.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” she tells me, patting my hand.
I don’t know why, but I do. I tell her all of it. I make it through the entire story without a single tear.
“All right,” she nods. “I don’t know this boy, but do you think it’s possible he said those things to get youtoback off? I’m not saying he should’ve said what he said, but sometimes people say things to push a person away. Things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment.”
I shake my head adamantly. “Not Ryder. He never says or does anything without thinking. It’s some kind of weird thing he has about being in control of himself.”
“Okay,” she nods. “So, he meant to say it. It still doesn’t mean he meant what he said. If he never does anything without thinking, then it’s possible he said it for all the reasons I said. Maybe he just wanted you to leave it alone. Maybe he just didn’t expect your reaction.”
“What kind of reaction could he have possibly expected?” I throw my hands up in frustration. “You can’t say that to someone and think anI’m sorrywill just make it all better.”
“I agree, and I’m not encouraging you to forgive him. I’m just suggesting maybe things aren’t exactly as they seem. Maybe he didn’t intend on apologizing and realized you mean more to him than his words suggest.”
I scoff. “The only thing I mean to Ryder Jamison is the challenge I present. If I’d given him what he wants, this wouldn’t even be an issue right now.”
“And you wouldn’t have fallen for him, right?” I open my mouth to argue but she holds a hand up, silencing me. “It doesn’t matter. I’m only suggesting that things are never as black and white as they seem. Things aren’t black and white at all, Heaven. They’re not even gray. Everything in life is bathed in a spectrum of color that gives diversity and dimension. I thought of all people, you’d know that.”
She stands to go back to work, and I follow behind, ready to start my next shift. I’m not ready to admit anything yet, but she’s given me something to think about. Quite a few in fact. Including the fact that I shouldn’t have inserted my opinions about his holiday plans. I just don’t understand why he would be so opposed to seeing his family. Or angry at the suggestion.The truth is though, I don’t need to understand. He has his reasons, and I should have kept my opinions to myself.
After my next shift, Arnold gives me an envelope of cash for the last six hours of my day since I’m not technicallyallowedto work more than eight hours, so we have an arrangement. We say our goodbyes, and I walk out the door to find my new stalker — or old I guess —leaned against the wall. I catch him from the corner of my eye, but I don’t turn to look this time. I simply pretend he doesn’t exist and make my way toward the bus stop.
“I’m not going to go away, pixie,” he says as he walks behind me.
And for some irrational reason, it pisses me off. His arrogance has finally gotten under my skin. I don’t know who he thinks he is. He does not get to talk to me like he did then follow me around expecting me to cave because he’s Ryder.
I whirl around with fire running through my veins. My teeth and fists clench, and I’m struck with the urge to hit him again. I think if I could just get one good smack, I might feel better.
“You really are a spoiled, rich boy, aren’t you?” I seethe. “You can’t stand being told no. What’s the matter, Ryder? Are you pissed that you never got me, and you never will?”
His eyes flash angrily. “I told you earlier not to push me, Heaven.”
