Chapter 8
Suddenly, I could hardly breathe. "What?"
We were standing so close, I swear I could feel the heat of his anger – or whatever it was – radiating off him like a physical force.
He moved his head closer to mine until our lips were almost touching. In a low, ragged voice, he said, "I care." His gaze grew intense. "Too fucking much."
The mental whiplash was almost impossible to bear. Against all logic, I had a sudden, stupid urge to throw myself into his arms and bury my face against his chest.
But why would I do that? He was the reason I was upset. Somehow, I managed to say, "But you were so awful."
"I know."
"But why?"
He gave me a look of pure anguish. "Because you shouldn’t be here."
"Why not?"
"Youknowwhy."
I shook my head. "No. I don't." I took a deep, shuddering breath. "I mean, I know that everything ended so terribly, but I never had the chance to explain."
In the back of my mind, I realized that technically, Joel was right. Ishouldn’tbe here. Derek, my ass-hat of a lawyer, had issued the ultimate threat. If I didn't get rid of Joel, he was going to make sure that Joel ended up in trouble one way or another.
But then, the day after Joel had left in such a horrible rush, I'd discovered something new, something that had propelled me on this desperate search.
Derek was determined to destroy Joel regardless. I knew this, because Derek had been dumb enough to brag about it all over town.
So now, here I was, hoping to explain and somehow, make it right. I'd also been hoping that together, Joel and I could come up with some sort of solution, and if there was any justice in this world, make a fresh start.
Or, at least, that had been my original plan, right up until Joel had ditched me for a couple of random hoochies. Even now, just thinking about it sent a fresh wave of pain straight through my heart. I had to be honest. "You hurt me."
"I know." His voice was almost too low to hear. "I was an asshole."
I waited for him to say he was sorry. And when he didn’t, I asked, "Was that supposed to be an apology?"
"No."
"So you're not sorry?"
"I am. But I'm not gonna say it."
"I don't get it," I said. "Why?"
"Because I don'twantyou to forgive me."
"Why not?"
"I already told you." His eyes were filled with regret. "Because you shouldn’t be here."
I gave a confused shake of my head. "So, you weretryingto drive me away?"
He was quiet for a long moment before saying, "It's better than what I wanted to do."
"Which was…?"
His gaze dipped to my lips. "You don't wanna know."
