“I live round there. My cottage is right on the east side of the lake, beyond the trees.”
I knew where he meant. It was almost as though there were two lakes, connected by a strip of water, and the second lake was smaller, surrounded by trees and grasses and it always looked swampy and inaccessible all year. Even in the winter, when the lake froze, it was never a good place to skate because the surface was so irregular, dipped and rutted with weeds. Nobody ever went there. The paths lopped right round the trees and was much prettier.
“It’s nice there,” I said.
“Yes, it is. It’s very picturesque.”
“Hey, maybe you could show Sonny around,” I said, suddenly realising that it would work out perfectly. “You could both walk all the way around the lake and still go skating.”
Erik didn’t answer and the silence stretched out so long that I grew uncomfortable. I had to think back over what I’d said.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to tell you what to do. It was just an idea. I thought you both might enjoy it.”
“Don’t you want to walk around the lake a bit?”
“I—”
And that, right there, was why I’d been so tense all morning. Because Sonny wanted to walk round the lake and I was fucking terrified. It had been snowing for a week, and the temperature had dropped to fucking freezing, and that was why the lake had frozen enough to skate on. It was also why I’d had my dad drop me off for this appointment right outside the door to the building, less than three metres from the front door. The entrance was gritted so there was no ice or snow, but the rest of the world around us? Covered in slippery, crunchy, uneven snow that made me break out in a cold sweat at the thought of stepping on it.
Erik had waited for me to answer, and he was looking at me in that way he had, full of kindness and understanding. He wasn’t rushing me, wasn’t impatient. He was giving me time to reply.
“Never mind,” I said.
The soft touch of his fingers across my forearm made my hair stand on end, prickling up with goosebumps.
“Tell me,” he said softly.
I couldn’t tell him my fears about being alone with Sonny, of him seeing me weak and unstable and losing respect for me. Of him spending more and more time without me in the city, of us growing apart and him calling me less and less…
Somehow, though, I managed to croak out the question, “Do you think I’d be able to walk around the lake?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“I mean now. Even though it’s been snowing.”
Erik considered. “The paths from the car park are salted so they will be safe to walk on. If you’re talking about the paths thatwind around the whole lake, I’d be more cautious. Some of them will be clear but not all of them and, the further from the skating part of the lake you are, the less likely they will be clear. You’d have to be careful to place your foot down so that it doesn’t slip from under you, but anyone walking on snow needs to do the same.”
“Maybe,” I said.
I wasn’t sure. Somehow, since getting out of hospital, my ability to judge my own strength was way off. Some days I’d feel really fit – other than the leg, obviously – and other days I felt like I could be knocked over by a kitten.
It left me feeling unsure.
I didn’t want to get outside and then discover that walking on the snow was harder than I’d anticipated. It would ruin Sonny’s fun if I fell or if I had to turn back and not go with him after all.
And I really wanted to go outside with him.
“Sit down,” said Erik. “You can get dressed and we’ll work out a way you’ll feel confident going outside on your date.”
“It’s not a date!”
“No? Sonny wants to take a romantic walk around one of the most beautiful places in the countryside and you don’t think that’s a date?”
“He never said it would be romantic.”
Erik quirked an eyebrow at me. “Are you telling me it wouldn’t be?”
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Because I wanted to go for a romantic walk with Sonny. Love of my life. Only… I couldn’t. Not now.
