Erik tried to interpret my silence. “Maybe you’re not interested in him that way.”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“Why not?”
I reached down for my shoe and jammed my right foot into it. I had to hide my face as I admitted, “Because he deserves someone else.”
Erik stood still, the sudden silence in the room around us seeming oppressive, like water closing in on us. When I could no longer pretend I was fussing with my laces, I had to sit up and look Erik in the eyes. He met my gaze, steady and calm and filled with compassion.
“WhodoesSonny deserve?”
“Anyone.”
“Anyone but you, you mean?”
“Someone not broken.”
Erik made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “You’re not broken. The rest of your body has healed incredibly well. You’re not able-bodied the way you were before and I’d never diminish the trauma of being in such a life-changing event and having to learn to move in a new way, but I see plenty of patients with less range of movement and less strength than you and not one of them considers themselves to be broken.”
I swallowed. “Sonny deserves—”
“What?”
“Someone perfect.”
Erik made another sound in his throat. “Maybe you should let Sonny decide what he wants.”
I had to swallow down the sudden urge to sob before I was sure my voice would come out as cleanly as I needed it to. “Do you usually act as a therapist and relationship councillor for your patients?”
Erik smiled, meeting my eyes again, finally. I hadn’t realised that I’d been leaning towards him, wanting him to look at me, acknowledge me.
His voice was soft. “You’d be surprised. Helping people reconnect with their bodies can bring up a lot of things.”
I thought about that as I stood, following his instructions in a distracted way. His hands were so strong and sure, and I felt secure in his care.
“Do you really think I can walk safely outside?”
“Yes. If you’re careful, there’s no reason at all you should slip or fall.”
“Sonny’s not strong enough to lift me, if I do fall.”
Erik put his hand on my shoulder, a warm and comforting weight. I wished for a second that he’d slide his arms around me again and encompass me completely but he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He was a professional and I was just his client.
When he looked at me, though, I felt a connection. A tremor of understanding and compassion I’d never received from any of my other physios.
I watched his lips as he spoke.
“What are you doing this evening? We could go for a practice walk around the lake so you can see what it feels like to walk on snow and those uneven paths. I’ll be beside you to make sure you don’t fall and you can definitely make it back to the car.”
“Are you sure? You’d do that?”
“It would be a pleasure,” he said, and I watched the way his lips formed those words. His mouth was small and his lips were plump, like ripe cherries.
Clearing my throat, I took a step back. “Thank you. A practice walk would be really helpful.”
Chapter 4
Erik
