The moment I walked into Erik’s treatment room, he said, “You look tense.”
“I’m fine,” I said automatically.
That had become my refrain and, if I said it often enough, maybe it would be true.
He raised a sassy eyebrow at me.
“Your shoulders are set higher than usual and your gait is stilted because you’re holding yourself stiffly. Your mouth can tell me you’re fine but your body is saying something different.”
I sighed. “You’re the worst person to try and lie to.”
He came towards me and helped me to ease out of my outer layer of clothes. His touches were gentle, almost as though he were stroking my skin, but not quite. I always felt as though I could feel the ghost of his touch all over my body, like he had a dozen hands touching me at once, even though that was ridiculous.
“Why don’t you tell me the truth, instead?” he asked gently. His voice was as soft as his touch.
“I—” I thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know why I’m tense.”
Erik smiled. “That’s good.”
“It’sgoodthat I’m tense for no reason?”
He led me over to the treatment table and got me settled on it as usual.
“No, it’s good that you acknowledge that you’re tense. And you didn’t say it was for no reason, you said you didn’t know what the reason was. We have a whole hour to try and work through that.”
I kind of regretted admitting anything at that point, but I’d learned that Erik had an inevitability about him that caught me up in a current and swept me along, safe and strong. His hands worked my muscles and he encouraged me to move my body under his direction, holding me and correcting my posture when he needed to.
We had been going for ten minutes before he asked the first question, and it wasn’t the one I expected.
“When does Sonny get here?”
“Saturday morning. He’ll drive over early to miss the traffic.”
“What are your plans for the weekend?”
“He wants— We’re going to the lake to skate. And, yes, I knowIcan’t skate but Sonny can and he loves it. We used to go there as kids and spend hours on the ice. We haven’t been in years, though.”
“What are you going to do while Sonny skates?”
“I guess I’ll find somewhere to sit and watch him.”
“You won’t get bored?”
I prickled with annoyance at the implication. “No, I won’t.”
“It’s just it sounds like Sonny wants to go skating and you have to do nothing.”
“I won’t be doing nothing, I’ll be watching Sonny skate.”
We stayed silent for a while after that and I stewed on the feeling that was simmering inside me, although I didn’t know why. It sounded as though Erik thought Sonny were being selfish and I hated that he thought that. He had no right to criticise Sonny, who was generous to a fault.
“Sonny said we didn’t have to skate. Iofferedto sit there while he had a go.”
“Oh,” said Erik, and it was not the apology for doubting Sonny’s goodness that I wanted.
That’s what made me carry on, trying to make Erik understand.
“He said he wanted to go for a walk, actually. It’s always beautiful around there and there’s some lovely paths that loop around the lake. Do you know it?”
