His voice sounded far lighter than he felt, but he needed his mother and his sister to know that everything would be alright. He didn't believe it entirely, but he needed them to. As for Jane,he didn’t dare to think of what her possible reaction had been to the news.
“Oh, Nathaniel, but the looks, the stares, the words whispered behind fans.” His mother was working herself up into a state.
He was about to say something to calm her, but then he saw her falter on her feet. He rushed to her side before she fell to the ground in the heap. He helped her lie down on the couch in his study. Yes, he would make things right with Jane as soon as possible.
***
An hour later, Nathaniel was twisting his hat in his hands outside of Jane's door. He had no idea what to say. He had spent the last hour trying to think of the right words. He wished he would have told her the truth before it had all come out in such a way. Who could have done this to him? Who could have known everything?
When the door opened and Mr. Minton appeared, he asked, “Is Lady Jane in?”
“Oh, Lord Balwood,” a familiar voice spoke from behind Mr. Minton, and then Lord Claridge appeared.
Anger soared through Nathaniel, and he nearly crushed the hat in his hands. The man looked even more smug than usual.
“I will handle this, Minton,” Lord Claridge said, and the butler bowed and walked away. Lord Claridge held the door, and he closed it ever so slightly, but Nathaniel could still see his smug smile. “I was rather expecting you. But I am afraid that Lady Jane is under the weather and has no wish to see anyone, especially not you, my lord, after your appearance in the scandal sheets with such horrid truths.”
“I need to explain myself to her. Lord Claridge, you are her cousin. Surely you have her best interest at heart. You know she deserves an explanation from me after seeing such things.”
“But it was so very clearly written to all the public in the newspaper. I don't think there's much more to say, do you?”
Before Nathaniel could thrust a fist through the opening in the door into his face, Lord Claridge closed it. Nathaniel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
Then, with a rush of determination, he put his hat on his head and turned back to the street. He would go to Lady Danver’s ball that night, and he would make sure that Jane listened to him. It was now not just a matter of family and reputation. It was the fact that Nathaniel could be losing the woman he loved.
Chapter 36
Margaret had stayed as long as possible before the ball that evening. Her friend had been a comfort to Jane, and it had helped her keep her confidence in her decision to go to the ball. That confidence remained as her maid dressed her for the ball. She was certain people would look at her with their surprised expressions, but that was no different from usual. They had always looked at her rather strangely, at least in her imagination.
When it was time to go, Margaret came and joined her aunt and uncle, to come to the ball together. After they greeted Lord and Lady Danver at the door, Margaret took her arm as they walked into the ballroom.
She whispered into her ear, “You are an inspiration, Jane. Stay strong. People look, but hey always look and they always think things. But one day they might put me on the other end of a scandal. We will show them great kindness on that day. It will be the perfect revenge for what they are doing to you now.”
“Exactly,” Jane replied, a smile on her face.
She tried her best to keep that smile as she and Margaret stepped into the lavish ballroom. Thankfully, it was full of people, which helped with the distraction. And it was loud as people chatted and music played. They kept to the edge of the ballroom. People hushed a little as they walked past, butMargaret did her best to loudly and enthusiastically greet those she knew. Jane did the same.
All is normal, and soon enough, it will go back to the way it was. I will soon enough be able to forget Nathaniel.
Her stomach twisted nervously, however. What would she say or do if Nathaniel was there? Would he look at her with hatred, as if the kind, intelligent man he’d shown her had been nothing but a façade? He had courted her for money, after all. Or would he look at her with that same molten gaze of affection that he had so often used when they were together? Would he still try to bring her back to him?
There is still the matter of the fact that there had been no barrier between us when we made love. I could be with child right now, and that would certainly ruin me if this does not.
She felt the pinch of tears behind her eyes as she thought of that terrible fate. And she thought of just how weak she became when around him.I am not sure of my own strength.
That was why she was glad Margaret was with her. And she had worn her best dress and her best jewels. Her hand reached up to lay her fingers upon them to give her more strength.
“Here we are,” Margaret said, handing her a glass of champagne, and they stood close to the wall and watched as the first dancers took to the floor. “You will see soon enough. The suddenness andsurprise of your arrival will soon dim with everyone drinking and their enjoyment of the evening.”
“Thank you, Margaret, for everything.”
Margaret smiled at her, looking just as pretty as always in a soft, pink gown. “You look lovely, Jane. The blue suits you. Will you speak to him if you see him here?”
“If I do, I do not want it to be in front of others. I can just imagine how the eyes will be upon us then.”
Margaret giggled, pressing a gloved hand to her mouth. “Quite so.”
They sipped at their champagne, and Jane watched the revelry for a few seconds before a young man approached Margaret for a dance. Margaret looked at her for permission, and Jane smiled and nodded.
