“Yeah… I… It’s good to… uh… see you. You look great.” I managed as my heart beat so loudly - it sounded like a heavy metal concert in my ears. I was going to stroke out right here on the floor of the Hardin Dress Barn as my ex-lover and my best friend watched me become a comatose mess.
“Well, we all saw how great you looked. I was hoping you had let yourself go or something.” Jax smirked, and the heat from my blush set the whole fucking store ablaze. It was a nine o’clock fire raging through my body. Fuck… This was too much. I wasn’t ready for this and especially not the way it played out. Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck! I was going to murder Lisa.
“We’re gonna meet at the Hardin Brew House around eight. It will do us all good to be together for a bit once again.” Lisa looked me in the eyes, and I knew she wasn’t asking me – this was an order. I wasn’t just going to murder Lisa – I was going to prison for ripping her apart with my bare hands.
“Why not? We’ve all grown up a lot, and it’s… Well, it’s been a long time.” Jax stared me down, and I could feel the strong emotional pull to him that I had always felt, even after all these years. Instead of it getting… easier, the gravitational pull between us was even stronger.
“Jax? I…”
“Come on, Kenny. We have to do this sooner or later, right?” Jax’s chest heaved with the force of his sigh. “It’s been a long time.”
I nodded.
“Well, this should be fun.” Lisa looked between us. Jax and I knew the truth. It was going to be anything but fun.
5
JAX
Ishould have said no or made something up. But Lisa was… well, Lisa, and she caught me off guard. Hanging out with the old crew didn’t make me feel nostalgic. It made me sad. These were the friends that Kenny and I had together, and when we… When he broke up with me – I left them behind too.
They probably thought I was stuck up now that I was in the big leagues. But that wasn’t the case. I never called because anything that reminded me of Kenny – hurt.
All I wanted was a shirt to wear to Coach’s party. I had done a real shitty job packing, and the old dress shirts I left here had developed a bad case of ring around the collar. I hadn’t expected to find my almost-naked ex-boyfriend putting on a show for the entire town.
He looked good.
Fuck that – he looked fucking hotter than he ever did. That smooth, lithe body that I knew every inch of being in front of me had melted my brain into mush. He had no right to look so goddamned adorable. He hadn’t changed in the slightest, and all I wanted to do was to push Lisa, bless her heart, out of the way and press his body against mine.
I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. I had let him break my heart once, and I couldn’t afford to let him do it again.
Things had changed, hadn’t they?
The reason that he left me was no longer really a reason. Life had seen to that. I had seen to that.
I slammed my door shut and stared out the windshield.
I didn’t hate Kenny. It would have been easier if I had been able to, especially that first year, but he did what he did because he loved me. Knowing that hadn’t helped.
It was stupid as fuck. It had broken me in ways I didn’t even realize were possible. I should have been on top of the world. I had been signed by the majors after two semesters of college. Everything that I had ever dreamed about was coming true, and I couldn’t enjoy any of it. All I could do was take my frustration and anger out on the ball and on the field. I would walk out onto that field filled to the brim with all of the emotions I couldn’t escape from, and I let them out with every pitch. By the time the game was done, I was an empty vessel – but a few hours later, all of the emotions slowly filled me once again.
I was alone and sad.
Sure – I tried. But dating in the baseball closet wasn’t very easy, so I stopped trying. Kenny had walked away from us – altruistically – in his own words – so I could have a chance at getting my dream without having to live in fear. I tried to make him understand… I tried. But I also knew he was right. Major League players came out of the closet after they retired.
I wasn’t in the… I wasn’t playing any longer, even if no one else knew about it yet.
But did it even matter?
It did to me. But could I ever trust him again, even if he wasn’t seeing someone else? Even if he might want to…
I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. It had taken me a long time to pull myself back together, even if I couldn’t find all the missing pieces that he had shattered with his goodbye.
I wouldn’t.
Shit – I was spinning, and my thoughts were flying around faster than I could even process them.
Drinks with old friends…
