“You don’t know until you try it. I mean, I think guys are hot, and I thought well maybe… As great as it was, I knew when I shot in his mouth that I was straight, as boring as that might be. We are what we are, man. Come on, let's do this.” Elder started jogging in place, and Elliot and I did too before we headed around the track.
I felt like my decision was made. For Calvin and for me.
When we got back to the locker room, Coach walked in and crossed his arms. He always looks like he just saw something that pissed him off. We’re all used to that now. I haven’t seen him smile the whole time I’ve been at college.
“McKendrick, get your ass into my office when you finish in here. We need to talk, now!” he barked before he turned around and headed back to the crypt where he lived. He could be that scary.
Elder rolled his eyes, and Elliot slapped me on the back as they dried off. “Want us to bring you something back to eat before practice? If Coach gets on a roll, you could be in there for the next two hours.”
“Yeah, that would be cool,” I responded, wondering what the hell he wanted to talk to me about.
“Cool. See you later, McKendrick. I’m fucking proud of you, man,” Elder said as he pulled his shirt on and headed out the door, followed by his brother. I ran the towel over my hair again and threw on my hat before I walked down the hallway to Coach’s office.
I knocked on the door.
“Come in and shut the fucking door, will ya?” he ordered. I did and walked over to the chair that sat in front of his desk.
“What’s up, Coach?”
“We got a problem if you want to see it that way, or we could look at it as an opportunity.” He raised his bushy eyebrows at me. “Your grade came back to me from the quiz. You got an A so congratufuckinlations on that, son. You did good and just in time too because Hawkins isn’t going to be allowed to play on Saturday. You ready?” he leaned over his desk and looked at me hard. That’s the only way I can describe it. Everything the Coach did was hard.
“Yes, sir. I’ve been ready,” I said back, feeling like the weight of the world had just crashed down on my shoulders. I sat up straight, I would not let my team down.
“That’s what I thought, son. Now get your head together. You have a team to lead, and I would really like to win one fucking game this season. Got it?” he snapped as he slapped his desk. “I’m counting on you. Now go out there and show them why you’re this team’s heart. That’s all, McKendrick. Good job on the uh… quiz, by the way.”
I stood up and felt like the room was spinning. “Yes, sir.” I turned to walk out, and as my hand touched the handle, I thought about telling him.
Instead, I opened the door and walked back down the hallway to the locker room.
Fucking starting… now, of all times. My head was a fucking mess.
My heart was too.
This was not the time to let the boys know the truth about me.
I sat down and stared at my locker until the guys started to arrive.
I had a team to lead.
