“I’ve been studying with a tutor. He’s been great. I was in trouble in a class and needed the help.” I shrugged as I stretched my hamstrings by squatting low.
“Damn! Did academics get to you too? I heard that they got to quite a few athletes. That fucking lawsuit last year, man… They’ve come down tough this semester. I heard Hawkins and Doughty talking about it. Apparently, Hawkins has a D in two classes already and is in real jeopardy, man. He might not even last the fall, and we all know what that would mean.” Elder said seriously. “You would be our QB one, dude. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”
“Coach hasn’t said anything about it to me. Hey! Is he faking that injury because Coach won’t let him play, just in case he has to be let go?” I asked, realization dawning on me.
“Dude, probably. But we did work the shit out of him that day, so who knows. So, what did you want to tell us?” Elder asked, curiously. He looked over at me, and I frowned. Elder was so fucking compassionate and caring, I mean, he really was the best of us. He actually gave a shit about his friends. It was why I chose them. If anyone could understand, it would be them.
They also didn’t gossip much. At least, I knew they wouldn’t talk about me if I asked them not to. They were stand up guys, and I was going to miss the shit out of them.
“Ready?” Elliot asked as he stood up straight.
“Don’t leave us behind, McKendrick. I remember the last time we ran the cross-country course together. Fuck, you can run fast. I thought I was going to pass out.” Elder slapped me on the ass and headed over to the track. I followed, and we started out at a nice leisurely jog.
“So, shoot. The anticipation is fucking with me, man. What was so urgent?” Elder asked as he inhaled slowly through his nose and exhaled through his mouth as he ran.
“I was… Well… shit. Why do you think there are no gay athletes at this school?” I asked.
Elliot burst into laughter.
“What rock have you need hiding under. There’s that tennis player, Dennis, and I know there is a baseball player, too.” Elliot said loudly. His voice breaking with every step he took.
“I mean… You know. Out players,” I answered.
Elder slowed down and put his hand on my shoulder, bringing us all to a stop. “What are you telling us, McKendrick? You saying that you’re gay?”
“That’s cool, man. No sweat from us, promise. Besides, we have a lot of gay friends. Elder here even let a guy suck his dick once,” Elliot laughed, punching his brother on the arm.
Elder walked over and stood in front of me, his face serious. “You’ve been… Damn… Mason? I am so sorry, man. That has had to suck.”
I stared at my shoes. I don’t know why I felt shame, but I did. I was ashamed I had lied to them all these years, to myself too.
Elder reached out and put one of his big hands on my shoulder and pulled me into a bear hug. “Dude. You have nothing to… I am so proud of you, man.”
“I don’t know why I feel like… Like everything is about to come to an end, you know? Once I tell everyone, there’s no way to bottle it back up if they take it badly.” I said, trying to not get overly emotional on the fucking football field.
“They won’t, and I will kick anyone’s ass who does,” Elliot popped his knuckles, a frown on his face. “Dude, we got you. Promise. This isn’t 1980 anymore. Maybe there hasn’t been any real out male athletes at this school because they haven’t had you to lead them. You are Mason Goddamn McKendrick, and you are the fucking man, gay or not. Be the change, bro. It’s about time.”
“It’s really funny that you asked about this today. We were talking to some friends of ours in LA, and they asked this same thing, and what Elliot said is true. All it takes is one person brave enough to do it, Mason, and who knows who else will follow. Dude, the team respects the shit out of you, we all do.”
“So, you think I should?” I asked glumly, still feeling like this was the scariest fucking thing I would ever do in my life.
“I think you should do what it is you need to do and damn the consequences, Mason. But I can’t make that decision for you, bro. That has to come from here,” Elder placed his hand on my heart and tapped out its rhythm to me. “Listen to this Mason, it will never lead you down the wrong path. I promise.”
“You are the guru, my friend,” I smiled at him. “Love you, bro.”
Elder wrapped me in his massive arms and squeezed the shit out of me. It was almost like going to a chiropractor. My spine snapped and popped.
“So, who is this tutor? Is he the one who has made you think about this?” Elliot asked as he patted me on the back.
“Remember the guy at the party who put us all in our place about jocks getting special treatment?” I laughed.
“No way!” Elder shook his head. “I liked that little dude. He was fucking cute.”
“Hey, what about this blow job you got?” I asked teasingly.
“Dude, it was the best blow job I have ever received in my fucking life. But, eh… It was a hole man, and that dude was a fucking pro. But it didn’t do any more for me than that.” He laughed.
“Why did you do it?” I shrugged.
