Mason
This was starting to fuck with me. My emotions were on edge, and I knew that I had to make a change, or this was going to crash and burn hard. I didn’t want to hurt Calvin. But I was scared to jump out of my dorm room and scream ‘I’m gay’ at the top of my lungs, too.
I was in trouble. Calvin had gotten as deep into me as I got into him yesterday. Even the memory of how tight and beautiful he was as he gave himself over to me completely, was… Well, it was inspiring. Until I thought about actually doing it.
What would the guys say? Would they treat me differently?
Yes.
I was certain that would be the case. I knew them, and they were great guys, for the most part, but there was a reason that jocks stayed in the closet. In the locker… whatever.
I had been hiding for so long that I wasn’t sure how to even start the damn conversation with myself. I told Calvin that I was ready to step out into the light and stop hiding in the shadows, but what if I was braver in those moments than I really was? What if I was a damn coward?
We woke up the next morning and showered together, my hands unable to stop touching him. This was everything I had longed for, I knew that, but it was also everything that had terrified me my entire life.
I took him again in the shower, and that was a lot harder to do than I had thought. soap was not the best lube. I made a mental note to myself, and then I thought of the guys and how they might look at me differently.
Did it matter to me? Of course, it did, I wasn’t a fool. But maybe I was. Maybe they weren’t the ones I should care about.
Calvin kissed me goodbye as he headed off to his class. I sat on my bed and felt this flush of emotion as it coursed over me. Tears streamed down my face before I could even understand what was happening. This was a roller coaster, and I wasn’t strapped in. I didn’t want to be. But the scary thing was, I could fall to my death.
Calvin was more than I could have ever expected, and the way he looks at me, the things he has lived through and came out stronger because of amazes me. I want to be that strong, that selfless that I could let everyone know who I really was.
I stood up and stared into my mirror. My face, red and blotchy from the tears, stared back at me, judging me for the wimp I tried so hard to hide.
“McKendrick,” I said forcibly. “You can either live a lie or live the truth. But you have to decide now. No more hiding, or you have to let him go. It isn’t fair to him, hell, not to either of us. Be a man, Mason. Be a fucking man!”
I pulled on a sweatshirt and texted Elder, my favorite of the twins.
Where are you?
As I pulled on my sweats and tied my shoes, I heard my phone ding.
Going to the track.
My fingers flew on the keys before I could think better of it.
Just u and Elliot?
I waited.
Yep!
Can I join u? Need 2 talk.
C U in 10!
I packed my bag for practice and headed over to the track. The track was around the football field, of course. I walked into the locker room and threw my stuff in the locker before I headed out to run with the twins.
They waved as I jogged over to them as they stretched.
“McKendrick! Dude! Glad you can join us,” Elliot laughed as he waved at me.
“Stretch with us. We learned these stretches from a model in Beirut. She was a yogi.” Elder grinned as he bent over and grabbed his toes, breathing deeply as he stayed in the position.
I tried. I wasn’t that limber. I could touch my toes, but I was too muscular to stay in that position. How they did it was beyond me.
“So, what’s up? You’ve been dashing out after practice for the last two weeks, man. What’s her name?” Elliot teased as he stretched his body to the side while he lifted one leg backward.
