“Sparrow,” I said again with more confidence.
She went back to guzzling down her dinner and I caressed her soft cheek with my pinky finger.
She let out a faint, tiny sigh as her mouth went slack. A little line of formula laced drool slipped down her cheek and I swiped it away with my thumb.
“Do you know how to burp her?” Susette asked as she took the bottle from my hand even though it was still half full.
I’d done it a few times… over two years ago.
“I think so,” I said moving my little Sparrow up onto my chest. My hand patted her back so softly like I was afraid to break her. She squeaked in my ear and I froze.
“That’s perfect, keep going,” Susette encouraged.
So I did, until she let out a daintily little burp and then settled herself into me like she was half asleep already.
I held her like she was a new breath.
I held her like she was the world.
I held her like I was scared she’d somehow slip away.
As much as I knew this was real, it still felt like a dream. And with each passing second, I wanted this dream to never fade.
She was part of me. This little, fragile being in my arms was a living, breathing extension of my soul.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I didn’t even bother to reach for it. I knew I’d have to deal with things soon but I wasn’t ready yet.
Gloria came back around and took Sparrow out of my arms, then gently set her back down in her plastic cage. She shoved a sandwich and a soda at me and told me I needed to keep my strength up. There was no way I was going to argue with her even if food was the last thing on my mind. She sat with me for a minute while I ate. She talked but I suspected it was mostly because she wanted to make sure I really ate. She told me that next time I hold Sparrow I should do it shirtless. I remember all about the skin-to-skin thing from back when Ingram had Chry so she didn’t need to explain why. Still, I gave her a raised brow and asked if she was just trying to get me out of my clothes. She laughed and told me it was good to see the Mouse that she knew.
Dr. Baker came around and had a nice long chat. Sparrow would probably be here a week if not more. She explained to me the trauma that Amber’s body most likely went through and how that might have affected the baby. Though my little girl seemed to be a fighter, it was better to be safe than sorry. I didn’t care how long I had to be here as long as she was alright.
My phone rang a few more times while I was talking with the doctor and when it rang again, I pulled it out to stop the madness. I had missed calls from Iron and Mason. A few texts from them as well. No doubt they caught onto me leaving with no explanation earlier. I should have let them know what was going on at some point. I knew they were worried.
But I didn’t have it in me right now.
I couldn’t talk.
I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling.
So after the screen went dark again, I made my phone come to life long enough so I could send off a text to Iron telling him I needed to take some personal time.
Then I shut it down. Whatever his reply was, I didn’t need to worry with it right now.
My attention went back to my sleeping little girl and soon I drifted off too.
Three days went by. The same thing over and over. Hold her as much as possible. Feed her when she was hungry and sometimes even try when she wasn’t. Watch. Touch. Wait.
And hope that one day we’d be walking out of here. Together.
The nurses were all kind and patient with me. They showed me the things I didn’t know and reassured me when I was scared. Amber’s body went through a great deal and all that had affected the baby. But every day she was getting better.
I refused to leave her side longer than to use the bathroom. I stunk and I was a mess, but I didn’t care.
“Hi,” Gloria said as she knocked on the door to our room and then walked in.
“They have you down here again?” I asked as she pulled up a chair beside me.
“No, I just got off and decided to come and check on you.”
