“I’m here. I can’t tell you much more than that,” I answered honestly.
“You have a private room now, you can take a shower. Call one of those men of yours and have them bring you some clothes.”
I blindly shook my head.
“Why not? Mouse, this isn’t good. You know they would be here in a heartbeat.”
She was right. They would, no questions asked.
“I can hardly admit everything that’s happened to myself, how am I supposed to admit it to my brothers?” I didn’t look at her as I spoke.
This was a shitty situation no matter how you looked at it. I wasn’t being ungrateful. I loved the baby in front of me. The moment I laid eyes on her, I did. But there was life given and there was one taken away. No matter how hurt and maybe even angry I was at Amber for how she treated our relationship and walked away, I’d never wish death upon her. Yet, in that, I still hated her. Hated her for not telling me about my baby. Hated her for not letting me be there for her while she was going through all of this. And I really fucking hated her for making the decision to give up our child without even letting me know about her in the first place.
“You should get out of here for a bit. Clear your head. It will do her good just as much as it will do you,” Gloria said shaking me out of my thoughts.
“I can’t leave,” I said simply.
“Yes, you can. And you should. Take a few hours. Get a shower and a nap.” When I shook my head at her, she carried on. “I’ll sit here with her. Leave your number and I’ll call you if anything happens. She’s gonna be just fine, honey. You can breathe easy.”
“I can’t,” I said and felt the weight bearing down on me.
“Two hours, Mouse. You aren’t any good if you can’t even take care of yourself.”
Damn, she had me there.
With a deep inhale, I nodded and got to my feet. She stood too, ready to slide into the seat that I’d left empty. To be closer to my girl. To watch over my girl like she promised.
I went to give her my number, but remembered that I’d shut my phone off because I didn’t want to be found. I dreaded turning it back on and I knew that if I did, Iron would have Cable track me down. I could picture him now, sitting in his room, waiting for the second I went back on the grid or whatever. Or hell, maybe he’d already found me but had no clue what part of the hospital I was in. I didn’t have a fucking clue, I just knew I didn’t want to take the chance just yet.
“Can, I, um…” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Borrow your phone? I’m not ready to face them and I know they’ll find me if I use my phone.” I said nothing else on the matter. Her eyes looked sad as though she disapproved of my choice to keep this to myself but still dug into her purse and handed over her phone. “Thank you. I’ll return it, I promise. Call me if anything happens.”
With one last look, I said nothing else and walked out of the room with my feet feeling like they were stuck in mud.
I wasn’t going home. I wasn’t going back to the compound, to my room, to take a shower. No. Not only was I avoiding it, but I also had something else I needed to do.
And as I tore across town on my bike, I wondered if there would come a moment when I would completely explode.
Shame burned in my gut mixing with the anger.
I should have known somehow. This was on me as much as it was on Amber. I couldn’t begin to explain how I should have known. It was my kid, I should have felt something. That was what I kept telling myself. I let Amber walk out that door and I never looked back. I never tried to chase her down. Not once did I even reach out to her.
So yeah, this was on me too.
I had been hit too hard by her words then so focused on running from what was in my head. Ingram. I could admit that she made me weak and now… now she made me blind.
But this wasn’t the time to think about Ingram. Or Chry. Or Ky. Or even my club.
Now was the time for answers.
And that was all I could think about as I banged on the door until I got them.
