“Gage and I—we have this chemistry. It’s something about the way he looks at me. I never would have done anything with him at all if it hadn’t felt right.” My brows draw together. “I just don’t know how we move on from here.”
Star tucks her dark hair behind her ear and an impish look spreads across her face. “But … did it feel right? Being with him like that?”
My lips twitch. “Yeah. It felt more than right.” Maybe that’s why I hadn’t completely freaked out when I was with Gage—he flat-outaskedif I liked how he was touching me. He never forced me into anything. He’d been a little demanding, even commanding, and definitely knows what he wants and how he likes it, but instinctively, I’d known he’d never hurt me. Gage is intense. But never outright aggressive like Landon had been. And he’s nevereverpressured me. “The only reason I hadn’t completely panicked when we were together was because it felt different with him. Maybe it should have been more obvious to me that I was dealing with two different people. He evensmellsdifferent than Landon did. But—”
“You weren’t expecting twins,” Raven murmurs.
Thinking back, I have to hand it to Gage. He never said anything to make me think he wasn’t Landon.Wait.That’s not completely true. Gage showed me on multiple occasions that he’s capable of saying two very important words.I’m sorry. And that, itself, is a huge difference between the brothers. I swallow. “To me, the fact that Gage is capable of admitting when he’s wrong is huge.” I glance down. “Because Landon never was able to do that. He never wanted to accept responsibility for anything. That last night, he didn’t want me to tell people what happened. He’d have rather killed me than let me tell anyone.”
Star winces, then Raven drags her teeth over her lower lip before she hesitantly asks, “You haven’t told Gage about the attempted rape yet, have you?”
“No. I told my therapist and no one else… until you two.” I draw in a ragged breath. “And I guess I’ll eventually include it in my psych paper.” We sit quietly for a few minutes. Raven and Star have figured out that I’ll talk in my own time. They’re currently waiting me out, knowing there’s more that I haven’t said. Finally, I sigh. I always feel better after I unload. I’ve learned that this week. I lift my shoulders almost to my ears before dropping them and letting it all out in a rush. “So, now, my biggest question is—how did I not know Gage existed? Where’s he been this entire time? And my biggest worry—how will he react when he finds out what his twin did to me?”
I want to come clean with Gage. And I need to know how all of this came about. I want to know every single thing about him, to crawl inside his heart and into his head the way he's gotten inside mine.
TWENTY-SIX
HAWK
“Don’t you think you should talk to her?” Maddox and I face off, carefully circling each other.
“Shut up and let’s go,” I snarl right before I dive at him, knocking him to his back on the mat. We wrestle around on the floor for several minutes, punching, elbowing, grappling. It’s nasty, not at all a structured fight in any way. It’s more like a no-holds-barred brawl. And I need it right now.
I’m frustrated beyond belief at myself. Upset that she’s upset. Feeling like a real fucking dick. I don’t deserve the chance to explain myself.
But fuck if I don’t want to, if only so she knows she wasn’t alone. I fucking fell for her, too. Despite some of the things Landon told me, the more I tormented her, the more I saw her reactions and who the real Lux was—I couldn’t help myself. The life she’s lived since meeting my brother has left her a little sheltered. A whole lot on edge. But damn, she’s smart and way, way stronger than anyone gives her credit for. She’s a survivor.
“Ungh.” That’s the nonsense that flies from my lips when Maddox’s fist rams into my jaw. He gets a few more solid punches in before I tap out.
“Fuck. What’s up with you? You’ve never fucking tapped since I’ve known you.” Maddox backs off of me and holds out a hand to help me up from the mat. He stares incredulously at me when I don’t give him an answer.
I shake my head as I stand, trying to clear it. Blinking a few times, I run my fingers over my jaw, then open and close my mouth, testing it.
“You okay? I really tagged you good.”
I nod, my breath heaving from me. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I scrub both hands over my head.
“What youareis fuckin’ distracted. I don’t want to fight you like this.” He gives me a fucked-up grin and laughs. “Or maybe I do.”
“I know.”
“So, is this how it’s going to be now? You with your mind all twisted up over a girl who doesn’t want a damn thing to do with you?” He raises his eyebrows at me, questioning, as he unwinds his hand wraps. “Because I don’t know if I can get behind that. You’re letting her fuck you over. Is she really worth it? Is she ever going to be okay with the fact that you played with her like that? Was the pussy really that good?”
My gaze snaps to him, lethal. “Don’t talk about her like that,” I grit out. Then I follow it up with, “How did you—?”
He huffs out another laugh, interrupting. “Oh, come on—it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what activities were going on in your room the day after we fucked up the frat boys. You let her think you were your brother when you fucked her. It’d take a miracle for her to forgive you after that.”
My eyes slam shut as I work my sore jaw back and forth. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know that I’ve gone and caught feelings for her. I nod. “I guess I’m waiting on a fuckin’ miracle, then.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Maybe. But I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to explain myself.” I look into his eyes. “I think I was wrong, man.”
He jerks his head back, eyeing me. “What does that mean?”
“Remember how I told you my brother was excited about that chick he’d heard was easy? How she was dropping her panties for everyone, and he was going to bag her on prom night?”
“Yeah. And then there was the text from him saying not to believe her moments before he died. What more is there to know?”
