“Do you have an emergency stash of medication in your bag, baby?”
She huffs out a breath, looking at me with uncertainty. Her face isn’t pale anymore, it’s pink and splotchy, the skin surrounding her eyes is swollen, and her nose is red. Ihatethat I did this to her. After several long seconds she nods, her breath stuttering from her. “Don’tb-babyme.” And then, “The front p-pouch.”
“Okay.” Keeping one arm wrapped around her, I search the bag until I come up with a baggie with a single pill in it. “Is this it?”
She glances at it and nods. I shake it out of the baggie for her, placing it in the palm of her hand.
“Um. Do you want me to go get you a bottle of water, or—”
Her head jerks. “No, it’ll dissolve under my tongue.” She puts it in her mouth, then gestures that I should let her down off the counter. I back up a step and help her down. She turns around and braces her hands on the counter, looking at me in our reflection.
The thoughts running through her head—everything I’ve done to her—are consuming her to the point that she doesn’t even care she’s a tear-streaked mess. The depth of her distress rips me wide open. And I don’t know if I can fix this. Or us.
“What was the plan here,Gage?Make me fall for you, then pull the rug out from under me? Oh wait, you did that. Good job.”
I wince at the fire behind her words, not missing the part where she said she fell for me. And I’ve completely blown it with her because I couldn’t figure things out quickly enough. Because once I started seeing what I should have all along, I was too goddamn nervous about what I’d discover about my twin. I still don’t have the entire story. And that’s fucking terrifying.
A shrill laugh tumbles from her lips. “What must you think of me? I guess I’m stupid enough to fall for the guy who—” She jerks to a stop, her eyes slamming shut. Several moments later, she finally shakes her head. “Fuck. Landon almost killed me. Was the idea to make me feel like I was going crazy?”
My face goes stony, angry that she’d think that about herself. “You aren’t stupid. Nor are you crazy.” I hesitate, my eyes boring into the reflection of her gray ones. “And you didn’t fall for the guy who almost killed you. You felt the connection between us. You fell forme,Lux.”
“Yeah. But it doesn’t matter. Because Landon’s dead. And you’re deadto me.”She tears her gaze from mine, pushes away from the counter with her bag in hand, and walks out of the bathroom. “See you around,Gage.”
With those words, the paralyzing fear I haven’t let myself consider, much less vocalize, is pushed forcefully to the forefront of my mind. What if shedidn’tfall for me? What if this has all been about residual feelings for Landon? Because of all the shit I pulled, she may not ever be able to separate us in her mind. I may have ruined the only chance I had of her ever beingminewhen I allowed her to go on believing for so long that I was him.
TWENTY-FIVE
LUX
I’m glad Gage hasn’t come after me because it should be my choice. Whatever relationship we may have had is most likely broken beyond repair. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I’m torn up inside. And I shouldn’t miss him. But I do.
A week has gone by without so much as a single word exchanged. To be fair, I did tell him that he was dead to me—much like his brother is. I wish I didn’t have so many questions. I’m in the dark as to why Gage chose to torment me. What was his relationship with his brother like? How did I not know about Hawk—Landon—having a twin? Gage deceived me, and I feel like I’m supposed to hate him for that… but I can’t bring myself to. My chest twinges every time I think about him. My heart yearns for him.
The problem? I’m a little afraid to find out what he’d say if I were to tell him that his brother was a would-be rapist. It really was a miracle that I was able to fight Hawk off. A miracle that I’d only ended up in a coma, instead of worse.
God. Who the fuck has to think like this?
When everything hit the fan last week, I’d been so upset and pissed off to find out he’d kept his true identity from me that it hadn’t registered that I, in fact, haven’t been having this wild, untamable chemistry with the guy who assaulted me. It’s his twin. His brother. Uniquely related by blood. By DNA. By upbringing. But a different person entirely.
“Do you think it’s wrong that I feel such profound relief to know I didn’t run into the arms of the guy who hurt me? Like… does that make it okay?” I take a bite of one of the chocolate chip cookies Raven, Star, and I made together earlier this afternoon. I should stop eating them. I’m hardly tasting them.
Raven tilts her head, scanning my face. We’ve spent a lot of time talking everything out this week, the three of us. Bonding. Eating junk and takeout like a bunch of fiends. She rolls her eyes as she reaches for a cookie. “No, we’ve been over this. I think it’s normal that you’re relieved. But I also happen to believe somehow you knew something was different and that’s why you were able to… you know.” She waves her cookie around in the air to punctuate her opinion.
“I hope you’re right—that deep down I knew.” I let out a worried sigh. “Either way, mentally I’m able to process and handle the idea that Gage is Landon’s twin way more easily than believing Landon was still alive—and I was letting the guy who’d assaulted me touch me like that. I mean… I gave him my V-card—willingly.”My cheeks blush furiously. “I think I might have a ways to go in coming to terms with all of this. How do I get over Gage leading me on and making me believe he was Landon?” I blow out a careful exhale, meeting both Raven and Star’s gazes. “I guess I’ll figure it all out as I write my freaking psych paper, right?”
“Yeah”—Star gives an awkward chuckle—“you need answers for sure, paper or not. Gage may be Landon’s twin, but he’s different. He’s the she’s-minetype, you know? Possessive. The kind of guy who doesn’t want anyone else to touch you and if someone hurts you, heaven fucking help them. That Mike asshole and his buddies learned that lesson well.” Star shrugs, staring at her cookie as she breaks it into four equal pieces, then pops one into her mouth.
I chew on my lip. “Like I told you, there were clues he wasn’t the same guy—a few things were a little off. Things I dismissed because I was overwhelmed or thought I was imagining it.” Gage’s eyes—they’re a little different than Landon’s. Both twins have—had—hazel eyes, but Gage’s have this light ring around the pupil that Landon’s didn’t. I thought maybe I simply hadn’t noticed it in Landon’s. But nope. Now that I know they aren’t the same person, I’m fairly certain that the rings are unique to Gage’s eyes.
Then there’d been the football position confusion that came to light when Ryleigh corrected me. Landon played as our quarterback in high school. Gage plays the wide receiver position for Shadow River. That possibly should have raised more alarms in my head, too.
Star sets the other three pieces of her cookie on a napkin. “We’ve been over and over this.” She glances at Raven in a way that makes me think they’ve probably been discussing this without me, too. “We wouldn’t still be talking about it if you hated him. I still think this was completely dickish. But I also told you once before that the heart sometimes wants what it wants.”
“What are you saying?” I sink my teeth into my lip. Is she saying…?
“Lux, if you can’t stop thinking about Gage, maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him.”
“You said he gives off a different vibe than his brother did. He never… um—” Raven blows out a breath. “He’s never hurt you, has he?” Her lips twist. “I mean physically. He’s obviouslyhurtyou.”
