“What’s wrong, baby?”
There are dogs barking in the background, and I remember he was volunteering at the shelter this afternoon. “Shit, you’re busy, it’s okay, I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not.” His voice is calm and steady, like an anchor at sea. “Talk to me”
I’d do anything to climb into his arms right now.
“I don’t know if I can go in there.” I rest my heavy head against the steering wheel.
“Yes, you can. You can do this, Pen,” he replies, tone even.
I nod, sniffling. He sounds sure, but I’m not.
“What do I even say to him?”
Hi, remember me? Your sister. Sorry I haven’t seen you in ten years, I’ve been busy pretending you don’t exist.
“He’s your brother, you’ll know what to say. It might be shitty and uncomfortable at first, but he loves you. And I think you still love him.”
Jesse possesses a gene I don’t. An hour ago, I was storming out of the backyard, pissed at him for implying that he didn’t regret ruining us. I walked away, like I always do. Avoiding the truth.
The truth that this week would’ve been really hard without him. The truth that a piece of my heartdoestrust him, wants him, while the other part is too scared.
Scared that our love story was only meant to exist in a tiny bubble, way back when.
But Ineedhim right now. He’s the only one who knows what I’m about to walk into. He’s the only one who knows what calms me. And he is here, ready to listen.
He’s the good one, not me.
“Okay,” I choke out, feeling my eyes already puffing up from crying. Luckily, I brought my makeup with me. I can’t walk in to see Danny after all this time, looking like this.
“You’re still sunshine, Penny.”
I shake my head because that’s absolutely a lie. I know the monster I’ve been this week, I know the sister I’ve neglected to be to Danny. To Fia.
“How can you even say that?” I groan.
“Because I know who you really are. Just be yourself. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
My tears render me a speechless, blubbering mess, but I nod, making whimpering noises that sound like an injured animal. I really need to pull myself together.
“Fia and I will be waiting for you at home after.” His voice grounds me in my seat, and I close my eyes, soaking in the sound I have only heard in my head for years. “Take deep breaths.”
“Thank you… I’m going to go,” I reply softly and hang up. I pull down the sunshade, confirming what I was afraid of. I look like a hot mess.
Deep breaths.
I do what I can to look presentable and shove my possessions into the glove compartment. Everything must stay out here except a manila folder that I called ahead about—the printed-out papers from my attorney about the deed. I can’t legally get Danny to sign them today, but I can show him the document, explain it all, and set up a date with the attorney for the finalization. I can e-sign from Raleigh.
The smell of rain hangs in the air as heavy clouds block the afternoon sun, so I speed walk to the entrance of the low brick building.
I tell myself this is for my family; a fresh start for them, closure for me. Selling the house, facing Danny…itshouldfeel right. But my gut twists, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m walking blindfolded into a storm.
35
Penny
THEN
