But those weekends—God, those weekends. They were everything.
Now I couldn’t see a plastic VHS shell without remembering the feel of his fingers tangled in mine, the soft hum of the motel’s broken AC, or the way he’d kiss me slow during the closing credits like he was trying to stretch the ending out a little longer.
“Matty.”
I blinked.
“Matty.”
This time my name was said sharper, more urgent. I turned my head. Todd lay next to me, eyes wide with concern.
“You okay?” he asked, hand hovering like he wanted to touch me but wasn’t sure if he should.
Shit, I was crushing a pillow in my hands, my knuckles white. My heart was pounding way too fast for someone sitting on a bed, and my stomach churned like I’d swallowed gravel.
“Yeah,” I croaked. “Sorry. My mind drifted.”
I vaulted off the bed, grabbed my shirt off the chair, and tugged it over my head. Our show wasn’t supposed to end this way. We were supposed to fuck around for a bit, then call it quits and stay friends.
Todd stood and crossed his arms, the sheet falling from his hips like an invitation I couldn’t take. Not because I didn’t want to, but my fucking cock seemed broken. And it was allhisfucking fault.
Ruining my life since four years ago.
When would it stop?
Did he not understand this was the reason I hated him?
I fucking tried.
Every fucking day, I tried not to let him affect me and failed.
“Will I see you tomorrow night?”
My hands hesitated at the buttons of my jeans. I glanced at Todd, at his bare tummy in the soft lamp light, the small silver hoop glinting in his nose. Sexy as hell.
Just… not in a way that ever stirred anything deeper than the physical. And even that wasn’t working tonight.
“We’ll, uh…” I cleared my throat. “We’ll play it by ear.”
His face tightened. “Right. Which is code foryou’re never gonna call me again.This isn’t my first rodeo, cowboy.”
I sighed, zipping up. “Come on, don’t do that.”
“At least have the decency to be honest with me, Matty.” He stepped closer, jaw clenched. “Is there someone else?”
“What? No.” I frowned, thrown off by the sharpness in his tone. “Where’s this coming from? We both agreed this would be physical only. No catching feelings.”
Mostly because I’d run empty on feelings four years ago. Poured it all down the Hudson river. Not an ounce was left inside me.
His laugh was short and sad. “It’s funny how different you are when you’re not inside me. So cold and uncaring.”
I winced.
I gotta start listening to Dad more about where I got my dick wet.
“Not going to do this with you, Todd, so there’s no sense in pushing. You know the ranch is all I’m invested in.”
“Yeah, but everything was going fine. Is it a coincidence that you’re like this tonight?”
