“Anything, eh? Like what?”
“You can...kiss me?”
Ryan didn’t have to be asked twice. It had been way too fucking long since Ryan had kissedanyone, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he’d made out with five men that morning, this wasFabian. It was Fabian’s teeth that were nipping at Ryan’s bottom lip; Fabian’s tongue that was sliding over his own; Fabian’s sweet sighs that Ryan was swallowing.
Without even realizing what he was doing, Ryan guided Fabian down onto the couch cushions and covered him. Fabian smiled at him from his new position beneath him, and Ryan took his mouth again.
Ryan knew this was selfish. It was probably the most selfish thing he’d ever done, and he knew he’d feel bad about it later. But that was later. Right now, he was finally kissing Fabian Salah.Reallykissing him. He was finally making Fabian squirm beneath him by kissing the sensitive skin under his smooth, sharp jaw. God, his neck. Ryan wanted to know every inch of his neck, and his shoulders, and his collarbone.
Fabian arched up so his erection pressed against Ryan’s thigh. “What do you want? What do you like? I’m up for just about anything.”
Ryan froze, his face hovering above Fabian’s. He was suddenly reminded of how bad he was at sex. Kissing was fine, but anything beyond that would definitely leave Fabian disappointed.
“I—we could just...kiss?”
Fabian looked confused. “Wecould. Is that all you want?”
“For now. Maybe?”
Fabian stroked his fingers gently over Ryan’s beard. “That’s okay with me. But is something wrong?”
“No. No, it’s just—” Ryan sighed and sat up. His brain had shown up to wreck everything, as usual. “I need you to know, before we do anything, that I’m not...normal about this stuff.”
“Normal? Who wants normal?” Fabian teased.
Ryan ran a hand through his own hair. He had no idea how to explain any of this, so he just started talking. “I’m serious. I’m anxious. Like,clinically anxious.”
“Lots of people are anxious.”
“Okay, fine. But I’m also terrible at talking to people. I beat people up for a living and...when I’m in the moment—fighting someone, I mean—it’s the only time my head is clear. It’s like...easy. It’s so fucked up that I’mrelaxedwhen I’m punching someone, but I’m a pile of nerves when I’m ordering in a restaurant.” Ryan was babbling now, but he needed to make Fabian understand. “I’m not okay. I see a therapist, I take medication. And I’m terrible at sex. So if that’s where this is leading—”
Fabian moved to stand between Ryan’s legs. He put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders, commanding his attention. “Do you find it hard, talking to me?”
Ryan answered him honestly. “No.”
“Do you want to know what I think of you?” Ryan wasn’t sure. When he didn’t reply, Fabian continued. “I think you’re sexy as hell. And you’re so fucking sweet. And I don’t think you beat people up for a living. I think youprotectpeople for a living. Because that’s who you are, Ryan. You have a giant heart in that giant chest and...” He leaned in, brushing his lips against Ryan’s ear. “I’m. Not. Scared of you.”
The force of Fabian’s words made Ryan gasp, and then, before he could stop himself, he grabbed the front of Fabian’s shirt and pulled him forward until Fabian was in his lap again. They kissed wildly, and this time it was Ryan who ended up on his back with Fabian falling on top of him. Fabian straddled Ryan’s waist, and Ryan wrapped his hands around his slim, strong biceps. Ryan’s cock, which had been half hard since leaving the club, was painfully rigid now, and he could feel Fabian’s arousal digging into his leg.
“We can just kiss,” Fabian said breathlessly, “but if that’s what you want, then I need to change position. Because if we keep up like that I will definitely hump your thigh until I make a mess.”
Lord Jesus.“That would be okay. If you want. I don’t mind.”
Fabian looked amused. “Well, I try to aim a little higher with my sexual partners than doing things they don’tmind.”
Ryan was already fucking this up. “I’m sorry. It’s me. Like I said, I’m not good at sex.” He closed his eyes and waited for Fabian to politely make his excuses to leave.
“I have no idea what that means,” Fabian said. He pushed himself off of Ryan and kneeled between his legs on the couch cushions. “Do you make sure you have your partner’s consent?”
“Yes.”
“Are you safe? Do you use protection?”
“Always.”
“Do you care about your partner’s pleasure?”
“Of course.”
