“Well then.” Fabian rested a hand on Ryan’s stomach and smiled at him. “I don’t see a problem.”
Ryan shook his head.
Fabian sighed. “Fine. Tell me the problem. Let’s hear it.”
The mood was effectively killed anyway, so Ryan decided to go for broke. “I need...instruction.”
Fabian’s eyes widened. “Like...domination?”
“No! No. That’s not what I mean. I just need a lot of...” It took a moment, but Ryan found the right word. “Reassurance. That what I’m doing is good. Because otherwise I just spend the whole time worrying that I’m doing everything wrong.”
Fabian seemed to consider this. “Well, that’s certainly doable. Is that all?”
“No. I also...kind of have body issues. I don’t like people looking at me too closely.”
“Naked, you mean?”
“Sexually, I guess. Like, I’m naked all the time in the locker room and stuff. It’s more about...being appraised. Being compared to other people.”
Fabian frowned. “You don’t think much of yourself, do you?”
Ryan looked away, embarrassed. “Not really. No.”
“So let’s say we leave the lights off and I give you lots of positive reinforcement. Would that make things easier?”
Ryan truly appreciated how accommodating Fabian was being, and he wished he could just say yes. That it would be enough. But...
“I can’t... I mean, I don’t usually, um, come. Even if it feels good and I like what’s happening. It’s a side effect of the meds I take, but it’s also just...me. I get trapped in my head sometimes.” He blew out a breath. “So, yeah. Sex with me is probably not worth it.”
He gathered up his courage and turned his gaze back to Fabian, and was surprised to find him smiling fondly. “We don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want. But I would like to make you feel good. It doesn’t have to involve orgasms. We can even keep our clothes on.” He reached for Ryan’s hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed his knuckles and said, “I like the way you look at me. And the way you touch me and kiss me.”
“I like touching you. And kissing you.”
“Then maybe we could start there, and see what happens. No pressure.” He turned Ryan’s hand over, and began massaging it gently. “But I should warn you... I sort of have the opposite problem. In bed, I mean.”
Ryan’s brow knit. “What? Like, youdon’thave body issues?”
Fabian laughed. “I think we both know I don’t. But that’s not what I mean. I tend to orgasm way too quickly. So I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen if we fool around at all.”
“Oh.”
“I have ways to...stave it off. And the good news is that I can usually come at least twice. So it’s not, like,overafter the first time. But I just wanted to warn you. Even if we’re just making out, I might go off.”
Ryan blinked. “We are not a good match.”
“Not at all. Want to make out?”
“Yeah. Bedroom?”
“Yes please.”
Fabian fell on top of Ryan’s enormous body and kissed him. It was hard to do because he was laughing. And maybe Ryan was laughing too. It felt good to get all of their sexual laundry aired before they started playing around. It was refreshing to be so honest with a new partner.
Ryan had just trusted Fabian with a lot of personal stuff, and Fabian wasn’t taking that lightly. He was determined to make this as good as possible for Ryan, who, it seemed, had not had much positive sexual experience.
Fuck that. Fabian happened to be quite good at sex. At least, he assumed he was. He had no reason to believe otherwise.
And Ryan, despite all his warnings to the contrary, was a very good kisser. There was maybe a tad too much beard in the way, even with the trim, but his mouth was heavenly. Warm and soft and welcoming. Fabian squeezed Ryan’s hips with his knees and dove in.
