He set his mug down and smiled, hitting me with a sexy Mathias wink that always got him what he wanted. “More like up late.”
“You didn’t go to bed?” I asked, checking the clock. “It’s after three a.m.” He shrugged, but his gaze roamed my tank top, falling low over my sports bra, and my yoga pants, short and tight. “I know you were camped out in my room most of the night,” I said quietly. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to. I would have been fine.”
He took another sip of coffee then went to the pot, filling a mug for me and adding cream and sugar, all without speaking. He carried it back and set it in front of me, his eyes traveling the length of me. His assessing gaze made me self-conscious about not checking the mirror before I came down. “You had two seizures in a matter of eight hours, and I was freaked out, scared, worried, nervous, and every other emotion in between.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I rubbed his shoulder to calm him. He was inches from my face and a little too intense.
“You have no control over it, honeybee,” he said, pulling a chair up to sit. His finger trailed the length of my cheek before he spoke again. “I called Mor and begged her to give me Dr. Newsome’s home number, but she wouldn’t. She said he wouldn’t talk to me about you without your permission anyway.”
I smiled half a smile and gave him a nod. “Birgitte was right, he wouldn’t, and I was fine, Mathias, really,” I promised, resting my hand over his on my cheek. “You took good care of me and made sure I was safe and got the medication I needed. That’s all you could do, and all Dr. Newsome would tell you to do.”
“I suppose so, but I haven’t felt that helpless in a long time.”
“Funny, I was just thinking that it had been months since I’d managed to sleep off a headache like that in only a few hours.”
He tipped his head and brushed a kiss across my knuckles absently. “Maybe because he put you on a new medication?”
I picked up my coffee one-handed. It was hot but perfectly creamy and sweet when I sipped it. “Probably that, but I also wasn’t alone when I had the seizures yesterday.”
“I don’t understand.” He leaned back in his chair, which was nice. His intensity was hard to deal with at three a.m.
“I’m just starting to,” I admitted. “Knowing about the seizures now, I realize the headaches always come after one. Now I know to treat myself immediately, and I can beat off the brain-shattering headaches.”
“Everything makes so much more sense now.” He groaned, tugging on his hair. “What if you’d been driving?” He paused with his hands still in his tresses. “I don’t think you should be driving.”
I took another sip of the coffee before I answered. “You heard what Dr. Newsome said. The State of Wisconsin doesn’t require him to report who is being treated for seizures. He doesn’t feel it’s a problem, since I’m fully aware of what is going on even if I can’t speak during the time it’s happening. Last night I was aware my fingers were spasming and that you were trying to kiss me. I could hear the lake behind me and feel the breeze on my face. That day at Butterfly Junction, I was also fully aware of what was happening, but there was more going on than just the seizure. I was in a state of turmoil, just like last night, and that seems to bring on a seizure almost immediately.”
“You’re saying that you’d be fine since you aren’t having any emotional memories when driving?” He had one eye scrunched half-closed while he worked to make sense of it.
“Basically, yeah, but after last night, it does kind of freak me out to think about driving long distances, so I’m not going to do that. I’ll be okay going back and forth between home and town, but I’ll need someone to drive me anywhere farther than that, at least until the medication has had more time to work.”
“I’ll drive you anywhere you need to go, and if I can’t be here, I’ll hire a car. My schedule is clear, though. Also, we’re going for the CT scan and EEG, no arguments.” He brushed another kiss across my knuckles that sent a shiver through my spine.
“It can wait until after next week. Once your mom’s surgery is over, then we can worry about the tests.”
“Mor’s surgery is Tuesday. We’re calling today to get your tests scheduled while she’s in the hospital. That way, by the time she’s released, you’ll be done with your tests and can spend time with her at home.”
I tossed up my hand in resignation. “Fine, but only the CT scan to start. Let’s see what that shows before we do the longer, more expensive test.”
He lowered his brow in disapproval, but I kept my stare cold and unwavering. Finally, he held up his hands, laughter filling his voice. “Okay, okay. You’re the one doing the tests, so I’ll support you in this decision, but—”
“There’s always a but . . .” I sighed, and he chuckled.
“Always, and the but this time is, if the CT scan shows any changes since the last one, you have the EEG.”
“Fine, I’ll agree with that.” I sipped the coffee again, thankful for the hot brew this early in the morning. “We have the wedding to get through and then your mom’s surgery. After that, we can worry about my issues. I’ve had them all my life. Another week won’t hurt anything.”
He leaned forward and grasped my hands in his, a new look in his now navy-blue eyes. “Your issues are not your fault. You got me?” he asked, and I nodded. “Your issues are the result of something someone else did to you. Unlike my issues, which are the direct result of what I’ve done to myself.”
My mouth dropped open, and I let out a puff of air. “What are you talking about, Mathias? You don’t have issues. You’re just changing the way you look at life.”
“Because of my issues.” He winked, but instead of being sexy, it just came off as uncomfortable and awkward.
“I don’t understand. Sure, you enjoyed partying and having fun, and that often crossed the line of what you knew to be right and wrong, but the rest of the time you were a well-adjusted guy.”
He shook his head slowly, his eye ticking from an emotion I couldn’t name. “I thought I was well-adjusted, but then I looked myself in the eye one day and realized I was the least mature individual in the room. I was so far from well-adjusted that I missed the boat headed to that island. Somewhere in the last five years, I forgot to grow up.” He held up a finger. “No, I didn’t want to grow up.”
“Mathias, it’s not like we put in big red letters on the calendar ‘today I grow up,’” I said, making marquis letters in the air. “It happens when it happens.”
