‘Lymphedema refers to the swelling that generally occurs in a patient’s arms or legs,’ she said. ‘It results from a blockage in the lymphatic system, which, in turn, is part of the immune system. The blockage prevents lymph fluid from draining properly, hence, its buildup in thelimbs.’
Dan still didn’t fully understand, however, he could tell by the nurse’s face that it was serious. ‘And what caused it?’ he asked. ‘You’re going to treat it,right?’
‘The cancer could be blocking your mum’s lymph nodes or vessels, or it could be a side effect of treatment. Either way, there’s nothing we can do.’ She paused, as if trying to come up with the rightwords.
Dan knew that his fears were being realised; he just sat there. He wanted her to both continue and not continue at thesametime.
‘It’s a sign that her organs are failing, Dan. That’s whyshe’shere.’
As Jill’s words slowly began to sink in, Dan suddenly felt numb. He’d known all along that this day was coming. He just hadn’t anticipated it being so soon. Fear and fury began to well as he leaned forward and after placing his elbows on his knees, ran his hands throughhishair.
‘So this is it?’ he said. He straightened himself back up. ‘She’s dying?’ He scoffed at his own statement. ‘Of course she is. We wouldn’t be in a hospice if shewasn’t.’
Jill smiled softly. ‘She’s always beendying,Dan.’
‘You think I don’t know that?’ exploded Dan, as he jumped to his feet and began pacing upanddown.
‘Sorry,’ he said. Dan made an effort to control his voice. ‘I didn’t mean to snap. I know none of this is your fault,it’sjust…’
‘That you’re angry?’ said the nurse. ‘That’s understandable. I’d beangrytoo.’
She fell quiet and Dan felt glad of the emotional space the silencegavehim.
‘I sometimes wish I could just run away and hide from all this,’ he eventually said, his voice shaky. ‘I want to curl up and go to sleep so that when I wake up I’ll find none of this is real. It’s all just a bad dream, a cruelnightmare.’
Dan started to pace again, it all felt too much and he rubbed his forehead as he attempted to grasp the inevitable. He stopped in his tracks. ‘How long doesshehave?’
‘Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,’ Jill replied. ‘Let’s speak to the doctor. He’ll be able to tellusmore.’
‘Can Iseeher?’
‘Soon. Things shouldn’t take toolongnow.’
When he heard another set of voices down the hall, Dan immediately looked over to where they came from. A doctor stepped out of a side room and after spotting Dan, smiled as he began walkingtowardshim.
‘She’s quite a character is that one,’ he said. ‘And in very good spirits considering.’ He held out his hand, ready to greet Dan as he approached. ‘You must be Gerry’s son. She’s just been telling me all about you. And about your big nighttonight.’
Dan sighed. Was there anyone whom she hadn’t told? ‘If we could get to the important stuff,’hesaid.
‘Sure. Of course.’ The doctor took a seat and signaled for Dan to dothesame.
‘So what are we talking about?’ heasked.
‘It could be a couple of days or a couple ofweeks.’
Dan took a deep breath, his cheeks filled with air before he let out a long, hard sigh. Grappling with the reality of the situation, tears sprang in his eyes; however, he quickly wiped them away. ‘Okay,’ he said, trying to sound stronger thanhefelt.
‘In the meantime, it’s our job to make sure your mum’s as comfortable and pain free as possible.’ The doctor turned to the nurse. ‘We’ve already fitted a syringedriver.’
‘A syringe driver?’ said Dan. His mum had kept him in the dark for so long on the medical front, he needed to know exactly what was going on and why. ‘What’sthat?’
‘It’s like a battery pack,’ explained Jill. ‘It’s a rectangular box that houses all your mum’s drugs in one side and a battery in the other. The battery’s used to pump the medication through a tube and straight into herabdomen.’
Dan cringed; he felt his own stomach lurch on behalf of hismother’s.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘It sounds a lot scarier thanitis.’
‘And what?’ he asked. ‘Wejustwait?’
