Because I’d wanted to kiss him in that moment. I had a feeling we’d be fire together. I just… it was complicated. I wasn’t enough of an asshole to let a man think he’d done something wrong. I also needed to give him the tools to avoid the same issue in the future, because I couldn’t see him wanting to hurt me or anyone else like that.
I didn’t look at the map on my phone or anything. Instead, I drove to where I roughly remembered the property being, and found myself rolling along a driveway to an interesting looking house.
It made complete sense that Carter had wanted it. It was understated with personality, and I had started to accept that Carter wasn’t as flashy of a man as most people with money tended to be in my experience.
There was a garage in the front, but I didn’t know if Carter would be at home. He could be anywhere and here I was, sitting in my truck like a dummy.
Then the garage door opened, and Carter stepped out.
I couldn’t read his expression, so I turned the engine off and inhaled long and deep. I took off my cap and ran my fingers through my hair again to tame it a little. Then I got out of the truck.
“Hi,” I said awkwardly as I closed the door behind me.
Carter tilted his head, a movement that was a question more than anything.
“I think I need to… to explain?” It came out as more of a question than I’d meant, but oh well.
“You don’thaveto,” he said evenly. “It’s clear something made you—”
“It was the word you used.” I glanced away and frowned. “What you called me.”
He nodded slowly. “Okay.” He gestured behind himself. “Come in. I’ll make coffee.”
I followed him up the steps to the second story. The whole house was built on top of what looked like at least a four car garage. Inside, the open floor plan had a living room on one side, a kitchen and dining area on the other. I glanced around, noting the lack of furniture, and stood awkwardly as he set about fixing coffee in a French press. It only took a few minutes before he was pouring the rich brew into two mugs.
“Cream or sugar?” he asked, voice deep but somewhat indifferent.
“No thanks.”
Carter nodded, doctored his coffee, then gestured with the mug toward the opposite side of the house. When we sat down on the couch in his somewhat barren living room, I sipped my coffee and tried to figure out how to start.
“Someone obviously made you not like that word,” Carter prompted after a couple of minutes.
“I met this man when I was nineteen. Older, wealthy guy. Huge power imbalance.” I made a face when I continued, “Heliked to use all these words to describe me that were kind of… feminine? It wasn’t feminization really, but it was close. He liked that I was much smaller and….” I gestured vaguely.
Carter made a thoughtful sound. “And things went south somehow, and now that kind of language is triggering to you.”
“Yeah. I…. It’s been a few years, and I haven’t…. There hasn’t been anyone to make me figure out that those weren’t words I liked anymore.”
There’d been some hookups, but none that had gone there. It’d always been quick encounters with very few words, let alone names, exchanged.
“So,” I said before Carter had time to speak. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”
Chapter 12
Carter
Iblinked at him, unsure of why he felt the need to apologize. In my estimation, it was me who should be doing that. I’d been the one to trigger him and make him uncomfortable.
“You never need to apologize for something like that, and certainly not to me. I should be the one apologizing. And I do.” I shifted to face him more fully. “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable and for reminding you of a difficult time.”
Hawk frowned, his brows crunching together. “You didn’t know.”
“I didn’t,” I agreed. “But that doesn’t make the infraction any less impactful.”
The hint of his usual smirk ghosted his lips. “There a reason you’ve suddenly gotten so formal?”
I had to chuckle, not realizing I had been, until I played my words back in my brain. “Default I guess. But I meant what I said.”
