He nodded. “Okay, then. We’re both sorry. And now you know.”
“I do.”
I stared at him, glad to see some of the tension had left him. And damn he was still so pre—I cut the word off even in my brain. I had to readjust my thinking immediately, or else I’d slip up again. And the last thing I wanted to do was to accidentally trigger him again. Whatever had happened was a trauma deep enough that it was still a wound on his soul. I couldn’t fix that, but I could make sure I didn’t poke it.
I wanted to keep this newfound camaraderie and conversation between us. With this new information, it was easy enough to see where he’d been coming from. He’d made judgements about me without knowing me. I could understand that even if I thought it was a shitty thing to do. It was something I prided myself on never resorting to, but I still understood it. It was human nature, especially when bad experiences were involved.
“I think we need to…wait never mind.”
Hawk tilted his head. “What?”
I shook my head as my mouth quirked up. “I was going to say I think we need to start over. But we already did that once and it didn’t seem to work.”
Now Hawk gave me his full-blown smirk. I had to wonder if that was the extent of his smile. If it was, it was a shame. I bet he positively lit up if he allowed himself a real smile.
“Instead, maybe we should just have the full conversation and air everything out. Lay our cards on the table, so to speak.”
Hawk thought about that for a few seconds. I watched it play out in his eyes, because his expression was once again neutral. I filed that information away. I would need to pay attention to hiscaptivating eyes instead of his face, if I really wanted to know what was going on with him.
“Sounds good.”
I waited a beat to see if he would say anything else, but he didn’t. So I knew it was up to me. I cleared my throat.
“It’s clear you’ve made assumptions about me, based on previous experiences. Fair assessment?”
“Yes,” Hawk said, sort of grudgingly. I didn’t let the smile curve my lips, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate it.
“I get it. I do. But the thing about me is I don’t know what I don’t know, right? And if I think I know something, I’ll go with that until I learn otherwise. Icanlearn, you know.” I paused and gave him a wink, which had him averting his gaze. I pushed on. “All that I ask is you give me the benefit of the doubt here. I know you’re the expert. I trust that. So please. The only assumption you should make is that I’m misinformed and explain things. Okay?”
He exhaled heavily. “I can do that.”
“Good. And look, I know I’m not blameless in all this. I’ve definitely let my anger get the better of me sometimes. So I’ll work hard not to do that either.” I didn’t add that it was possible I’d pushed just to rile him up. Because I shouldn’t find him hot when he was pissed off, but I did. It was the passion he exuded. I was a sucker for it every time. And the way his voice got even deeper.
“I’d appreciate that, thanks.”
Apparently, his voice lowered when he was showing gratitude too. Fuck. Basically, his voice was going to be my undoing, I just knew it. Which led me to the other thing we had to get out in the open.
“Should we address the other elephant in the room?” And if my tone held a hint of teasing, it couldn’t be helped. Because I knew it would make him squirm, and I wasn’t wrong. He shiftedin his seat, kept his gaze on the far wall, and didn’t speak for several heavy seconds.
“That’s a really weird phrase, when you think about it,” he grumbled.
Since he wasn’t looking at me, I allowed myself a smile. But I noticed the way his eyes shifted, clocking me out of his peripheral. I eased back into the couch, spreading out a little, just to see how he would react. He went tense, which was a surprise, so I immediately changed tactics.
“I’m just going to say it. I’m attracted to you. I think you’re sexy as sin. I think it’s reciprocated, at least a little?” I was watching him so I saw his short nod. “But I think maybe, logically, it’s not a good idea.”
He glanced at me quickly, there and gone again. But in that split second, I saw the wide eyes of surprise. I waited a moment, then two, giving him the opportunity to weigh in. But he didn’t.
“Don’t get me wrong,” I said softly. “I’d love to have you under me and see what’s between us. But we have a working relationship. And really, if we’re being practical, I’m too old for you.”
That had him snapping his gaze to me, and for once, his expression was emotive. He was shocked by that, but I wasn’t sure why. Feeling like I’d done most of the talking, I waited, determined not to say anything else until he added to the conversation.
He squinted at me. “Interesting phrasing. That you’re too old formeand not that I’m too young foryou.”
I chuckled. “Hawk, you are clearly not young, no matter your age. But I must be closer to your parents’ age than yours.”
A beat, and then he asked, “How old are you exactly?”
“Forty-five.”
