Maggie winced. “I think I should make myself scarce.” On her way, she patted Eiley’s shoulder sympathetically. “Good luck, dear.”
Eiley needed it. A gust of stiflingly humid air – air that had just a moment ago, been wonderful and fresh – rushed into the bookshop with her exit, and she stepped further inside. Further towards Finlay.
“Should I be leaving, too?” Warren asked stiffly.
“Aye, off you pop,” said Finlay before Eiley had time to even consider.
A gnawing twinge burrowed into her chest: a desire for Warren to stay, yes, but also a grief. Their time was over. Theirexplorations cut short. For a moment, she’d been untethered, able to give in to what she wanted, but the chains had returned all at once, and she couldn’t let Warren get caught in the tangle. Their connection was too important to taint with all her baggage.
She wanted him here, but she couldn’t have him here. Couldn’t thrust him in the middle of this. Finlay was a reminder of all the reasons why she couldn’t give her heart away again.
“I was asking Eiley,” Warren clarified. “And while I appreciate you two have history, I think maybe you’re an ex for a reason, which leaves the decision completely up to her.”
“I’m a bit more than an ex, mate. We have three kids together.” If Finlay, with his lanky five-feet-ten frame, was intimidated by Warren, he didn’t show it, folding his arms and shooting him daggers as he swaggered closer.
A venomous scoff left Eiley. “Kids you haven’t seen in over a year. You don’t get to play that card.”
“And whose fault is that?”
He hadn’t changed at all. Still unable to take accountability, blaming the world for his own mistakes.
And just for a moment, she felt a stab of worry. Had she done that, too, with all the things that had gone wrong recently?
“If I were you, I’d go now. Save Eiley the unnecessary headache,” Warren decided calmly.
Finlay’s feigned confidence soured in an instant. “I don’t think so. Eiley, tell me who the fuck this bloke is. Now.”
“Don’t talk to her like that,” Warren snapped.
She couldn’t deal with this. Her world was caving in, and she was caught between two men who made her feeltoomuch.
But Finlay was the children’s father, even if she wished he wasn’t. It was the first time he’d made an effort in over a year, and she needed to knowwhy.
She turned to Warren. “I’m sorry. Can you give us a minute?”
Warren’s eyes narrowed. His knuckles brushed hers, but all the friction between them did was drive her further away. If Finlay found out about them, she’d never hear the end of it. He’d always been possessive: he didn’t want Eiley, but he didn’t want anyone else to have her, either. That was why their breakup had been followed by drunk texts and phone calls at all hours, random visits where she could barely understand what he was saying. Empty promises, but never “sorry”, so it didn’t matter. She’d wanted to believe that leaving him would show him what he had to lose – not her, but the kids. Had hoped that if he didn’t oweheranything, he could focus his attention on being a decent father.
She’d been wrong. He wasn’t made to be a partnerora parent.
Yet she never, ever wanted to keep him from them. Only wanted to protect them. The fact he was sober and at least semi-comprehensible suggested that something had changed. He was closer to being the man she remembered.
Warren’s expression shuttered as realisation set in. He looked between Finlay and Eiley once, muscle in his jaw flicking, and then ducked his head and left the bookstore with a resolutenod. A moment later, she heard his van door slam, engine turning on. She pretended it didn’t split something inside her.
“I see you’ve been keeping yourself entertained while I’ve been gone,” Finlay pointed out tersely. “Has he been spending time with my kids?”
“It isn’t like that, and even if it was, you’d have no right to be upset,” Eiley snapped. “What are you doing here, Finlay? Make it quick, because I don’t have time to waste on your horsepoo today.”
“You still refuse to swear, then.” He smirked as though it was some inside joke; as though she hadn’t told him over and over again not to use vulgar language in front of the kids, not because she minded if they heard a few bad words, but because she didn’t want them to pick up on the poison that usually accompanied them. She’d made a lot of mistakes as a mum, but they would never, ever see her dissolve into selfish spite and careless tantrums the way Finlay used to. She would never make her problems theirs. When Finlay had itched for a fight, she’d always made sure they were in their rooms first, usually asleep.
“Just answer the question,” she ordered with more authority than she felt.
He rolled his eyes, leaning against the counter. A moment later, it all changed, shoulders lowering and crinkles on his face softening so that he looked more like the man she’d fallen in love with ten years ago. The kind, flirtatious jokester who had swept her off her feet.
“I want you back.” His words echoed in the quiet of the store, dancing between them like dust motes until Eiley felt like she was choking.
No. No, she couldn’t do this. “I have no interest in what you want, especially when it comes to me.”
“I can be better this time, Eils.”
