She scoffed. She’d heard that before.
“I’ve quit the drink,” he continued. “I’ve got myself a place in Glasgow. Three bedrooms, plenty of space for the kids. I’ve even put those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling for Sky, the ones he used to stare at for hours. Come and see it. Let me prove to you that I can be in your life again.”
“You’ve hurt them enough.” It was an effort to keep her voice from breaking. How had this happened? A few minutes ago, she’d been happy for the first time in years. Now, she was back in that same loop that had broken her the first time. And the worst part was that an ember of hope still glowed inside her. She wanted to believe him – not for herself, but for Brook, Sky, and Saffron.
Finlay tucked his hands into his pockets, at least having the decency to appear ashamed. “I know I’ve not done right by any of you. I’m trying to fix it, Eils. Let me fix it. Please.”
“Why now? You’ve lived without us just fine for the last twelve months.” A tear rolled down her cheek.
“Because I wanted to make sure I could do this properly before I came back. I wanted to be able to prove myself.”
“It takes more than glow-in-the-dark stickers for that,” she spat. “This isn’t fair. You can’t just waltz back into our lives!”
“You can’t keep my kids from me for the rest of mine!” Finlay stepped closer, grabbing her by the arms with bruising desperation. The instinct to cower away, to warn him never to touch her again, rushed over her, but she was incapable ofmoving, breathing, speaking. “We were always supposed to be together, you and me. Iloveyou. Always have, always will. And that giant bawbag you were with won’t give you the family you deserve. I can tell you that now.”
She wanted to throw up, or slap him, or run and never come back.
But there was another option, one she’d entertained for many nights when the stress and loneliness tore through her. She could sayokay, we can try again.
Nobody could take his place as their father. Certainly not Warren. He was a good man. Protective. Sharp on the surface but meltingly soft in the middle, she knew that now. He brought out feelings in her she didn’t know were possible. But he was a bachelor, through and through. She could never expect something serious, something stable, not when he didn’t even have a real place to live. How could she trust him with her children when there wasn’t even room for them in his home?
They weren’t built to have a relationship. They were built on conflict and lust, radioactive atoms forever on the brink of implosion.
“C’mon,” Finlay continued, his fingers digging into her arms. “You know it’s true. You know it’s supposed to be you and me.”
“No.” Eiley launched back. “No, it isn’t. I don’t love you anymore, Fin.” As she said it, she realised it was true, and there was something empowering in that. A string being cut, finally. “I can’t forgive you for the way you treated us, andI can’t put myself back in a situation where it might happen again.”
“If you just give me time to change—”
“No.”
His brows lifted in surprise. She was fairly certain he was still getting accustomed to that word.
“The kids need me,” he croaked. “I want to be with them. I want to be a good dad for them.”
Eiley took a deep breath, wandering over to the counter for support as indecision ripped through her. If she said yes, she was putting her children at risk of being abandoned again. If she said no, she was taking away their only chance of having a father.
Her own dad had never come back for them. Not once. She didn’t even remember his face.
She couldn’t give Finlay much credit, but she could give him this: he was here.
“C’mon, Eils. They deserve a proper family, not the broken homes you and I grew up in.”
“And can you give them that?” She whirled on him. “Stability? Because you haven’t so far. In fact, you’re the least stable thing in their lives.”
“Yes,” he vowed. “I can. I’ve spent the last few months doing everything I can to make a fresh start, to give them everything I failed to the first time. Come and see the house. See what we can be again.”
She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to uproot their lives only to have them disappointed again.
She also didn’t want to give up on the chance to offer them a real family. They might grow up with separated parents, but they could still have both.
“I’m going to ask Brook and Sky,” she whispered. “It’s going to be their choice.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but for once, bit his tongue.
“If they say yes, and if you can show me that I can trust you with them, maybe we can discuss visits every now and again. But it will never be what it was, and I’m not driving to Glasgow every time you decide you can be bothered being a father. You’ll come here – whenIsay you can.”
“Okay. Fair.” He nodded. And then, quietly: “I missed you so much, Eils. Found this the other day.”
