“Yeah, later.”
Powering my phone down, I drag myself as far as my sofa and simply crash there. I pray for a break from the nightmares, then surrender to the siren call of sleep.
20
BEAR
Hanging up the call, I frown at my phone. Indigo was right – Eloise does sound dreadful. Apparently, she looks as bad as she sounds. I’m willing to bet she has no intention of grabbing that TV dinner before going to bed, and something about that doesn’t sit right with me.
“Hey, Bear. You with us there, buddy?” Knight asks.
“Yeah, I’m going to say that’s a solid no, boss man.” Gator chimes in.
“Shows how much you know,” I rejoin. “I’m here.”
“Mm,” Knight grunts.
The rest of the session crawls by as I balance my attention between our planning and worrying about Eloise.
“All right, men. Let’s call it a day. I’ll see you all at oh-five-hundred for PT,” Knight says. Almost as one we get to our feet and start filing out of the room. “A moment, Bear,” I hear him call.
“You’ve gone and done it now,” Gator jokes, slapping me on the back as he walks past me and out the door, leaving the two of us alone in the room.
“You seem a little distracted. Everything all right?”
I weigh up my words. “I’m not sure. Indigo called just when we went on break. She ran into Eloise and, in her words, ‘she didn’t look great at all’. She suggested I give Eloise a call, which I did. And she was right. Eloise sounded awful. I’m worried about her.”
“Then go to her.” Knight makes it seem so easy.
“She said she was going home, grab a quick TV dinner, and go to bed.”
“So? If you’re that worried about her, go check on your girl.”
“Dude, I keep telling you – she’s not my girl.”
“Bear, straight up, I call bullshit. I have never seen you like this over any woman. You went to her parents’ house for dinner, for fuck’s sake. That’s not the actions of a man in a friends-with-benefits arrangement. That’s a man falling in love kind of deal. And what’s so terrible about that?”
“You know my situation, man,” I say with a growl of irritation.
“Bear, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – until the end of time, if needs be. You. Are. Not. Your. Father.”
“You say that, but how do I know for sure?”
“Do you remember that time at Aces when that woman you’d been sleeping with lost her shit in the bar and slapped you?”
“Sherilyn. I’d forgotten about her.” I frown, trying to figure out where Knight’s going with this.
“You were so mad we all thought you were going to deck her back. But you didn’t.”
“Okay. So what’s your point?”
“Let me ask you this rather. If that was your father in that situation, what would he have done? Would he have walked away like you did?”
Knight’s words give me pause. Scratching my chin, the rasping sound of my nails on my five o’clock shadow is the only sound in the room. “He’d have slapped her back. In fact, he’d likely have whaled on her, given the opportunity.”
“Butyoudidn’t. Despite the fact that you were mad enough to want to commit murder, you chose to walk away. How does that make you anything like your old man? In your own words, he would have retaliated.”
I have no words to respond. I’ve never thought of it that way. Is it possible that I’m not like the man whose DNA I share?
