Page 45 of Baring All


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“Have you ever considered that you take after your mother? That like all of us on this team, you have a temper, but you have never – not once – ever lifted a hand to a woman or child? That just maybe you’re more like your mama than him?”

My mind reels with the new insight Knight’s dropped on me. Feeling dazed and confused, like I’ve just gone ten rounds in the ring with Muhammed Ali, I simply sit staring at him.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I need to get the hell outta Dodge, to get away from Knight and his unsettling words. He’s pretty much just turned my world upside down with his words. Words I have no idea how to process.

“I’ve got to – ah, I’ve …” I point toward the door. “Go. I’m going to go now.”

“See you at oh-five-hundred,” Knight calls out as I make an undignified dash for the exit.

I can’t seem to get to the truck quick enough. The need to get away from here is overpowering. My heart is pounding so hard in my ears I can’t help but wonder if I’m about to have a heart attack.

Jesus, I need to get a grip.

Wheels spinning out of the lot, I drive like a maniac to the beach I took Eloise to recently. It’s my refuge. The one place I can connect with something higher than myself, to find solace, peace, answers.

My tires spit up sand and gravel as I screech to a stop in a parking space. I stop long enough to get my boots and socks off before making my way onto the beach. A sense of calm begins to steal over me as my bare feet make contact with the sand.

The same old magic that works every time. I feel like I can draw a proper breath for the first time since my conversation with Knight. As the peace that surrounds me sinks deeper, the tension in my body lessens, and the chaos in my brain begins to quieten.

Mulling over Knight’s words, a warmth spreads through my chest. It would make me extremely proud to be seen as my mama’s son rather than just like my old man. The more I sit with the idea, the more I like it. Taking my time, I absorb the enormity of this epiphany.

The grumbling of my stomach eventually tells me it’s time to go. My plan is to grab something on the way home and catch some screen time, then head for bed. But walking back along the beach to my vehicle, an idea pops into my head.

I make a quick call to my favorite pizza joint for a to-go order, then make my way to the grocery store nearby. Browsing the aisles, I gather all the things I want. At the checkout, there’s an elderly lady ahead of me. She only has a few items, but the one that catches my eye is the brightly colored bunch of flowers she has.

The cashier gives her the total, and her shoulders droop.

“Oh, I –” She pauses, and I see her hand caress the petals a moment. “I’ll leave these.”

It dawns on me she obviously doesn’t have enough for everything. Annoyed, the cashier calls for a supervisor to remove them from the transaction. I’m distracted, watching the lady shuffle away.

The irritated voice of the woman behind the register draws my attention back. I pay for my things and run for the door. I hoped I would find the lady outside, and as luck would have it, I do.

“Ma’am,” I call. “Ma’am.” Reaching her, I move around the front of her to avoid scaring her. She stops and peers up at me through faded blue eyes that might have stopped me in their tracks back in the day.

“Sorry to bother you, ma’am. You forgot these.” I hold out the bunch of flowers she’d left behind.

Those eyes search mine for a long moment, before she says, “Those aren’t mine.” She shakes her head.

“Oh. Well, that’s embarrassing.” I give my best rendition of an innocent smile, holding the blooms out to her once more. “I’d be honored if you’d accept these as a gift then.”

Tears well in those rheumy eyes, and a shaking hand clutches at the material covering her chest. “Why, that’s very kind of you, my boy. I graciously accept.” She gestures for me to bend to her level, which I do. Patting my cheek gently, she proceeds to rip my heart open in the best way. “Your mother must be so proud of the wonderful young man you are.”

Taking the bold blooms from my hand, she cradles them to her chest, shuffling slowly away. I watch her go, savoring her parting words. It’s only when someone bumps into me, mumbling about inconsiderate people blocking the sidewalk, that I finally move. I quickly stow my purchases in the truck, then jog down to collect the pizza.

Time to put my plan into action.

Traffic is light, and I catch all the green lights on my way back. It appears the gods are smiling down on me when I find a parking spot easily at my destination, right outside the door. I find myself whistling under my breath as I gather up my supplies, my step lighter than it’s been – ever.

I’ve lived under the black cloud of my father’s legacy all my life, and with one single conversation I have a completely new perspective on my life. For the first time, I feel hope. Hope for a future that includes a woman to share it with. With a jolt, clarity hits me that there’s only one woman I want that with, and I have no idea whether she feels the same way.

I guess there’s only one way to find out. And there’s no time like the present.

Reshuffling the bags, I reach out a hand to ring the doorbell. I listen for movement but hear nothing. I wait a few moments, then try again. At first there’s still nothing, but then I hear movement from behind the door.

“Who is it?” The voice sounds sleepy and annoyed.