And there it was, the real issue disguised as concern for their daughter. Michael was embarrassed by the idea of his ex-partner talking publicly about the challenges of life. He was using Lily as an excuse to express his disapproval.
'I see, right, yeah, I get it. As I thought. So this is actually about you being embarrassed by the idea that people might know you were once in a relationship with someone who admits to having feelings and struggles like a normal human being.'
'That's not what I said.'
'It's what you meant, though, isn't it? You're worried that having an ex-partner who talks honestly about her life might somehow reflect badly on you. God forbid anyone should think you were once involved with me.' Darby forced herself not to go on. She had no doubt that it would get ugly. ‘Look, I’m going.’
'You're putting words in my mouth, Darbs. No change there. You’ve done that since the day we met. I just think there are some things that should be kept private, that's all. Not everything needs to be shared with strangers on the internet. Plus, I think you are putting yourself in danger.'
'You know what, Michael? It doesn't actually matter whatyouthink.'
'I'm just expressing my opinion as someone who cares about the family.'
The phrase “someone who cares about the family" was rich coming from someone who’d spent years demonstrating his care primarily through criticism and financial arrangements made through solicitors rather than involvement in family life. Darby found herself wondering, not for the first time, how she’d ever found the man attractive enough to have a child with. She must have been ill at the time. He made her feel physically sick. She made zero effort to hide the sarcasm in her voice. 'Right, well, thank you for expressing your opinion. I'll be sure to give it all the consideration it deserves. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?'
'There's no need to be sarcastic, Darbs. It never suited you and to be honest, it’s why you’ve ended up, well, where you have. As usual, you're not interested in having a reasonable conversation.'
'No. I'm just not interested inyourconversations. If you want to have a reasonable conversation, scroll through your contacts and phone someone else.'
After she hung up, Darby sat and processed the conversation. It was remarkable how Michael could still manage to rile her up the wrong way. He always seemed to push her buttons and she always let him do it. The irony of receiving criticism about her channel from someone who had contributed so little to their daughter's actual upbringing was not lost on her. Michael had loved to appear occasionally for school concerts and graduation ceremonies, but generally left the day-to-day work of raising Lily to Darby. Now that Lily was an adult and doing well for herself, he seemed to think he had been part of the bringing up of a successful adult.
After seriously considering opening a bottle of wine, Darby decided instead to make a cup of tea. Taking a cinnamon bunfrom the freezer, she defrosted it and, after waiting for the tea to brew, tried to put Michael out of her mind. He really was not worth any of her emotional energy.
Her phone buzzed with a text message.
Lily:OMG, I just had a call from Dad about your channel. I hope he didn't give you too much grief about it.
Darby:Thx. No, I’m fine.
Darby wasn’t fine and she’d had grief, for sure, but she’d always been about protecting Lily from Michael. She saw it as her job.
Lily:I told him that having a mum who's honest about life's challenges is something I'm proud of, not embarrassed by.
Darby:Yes, I don’t think he can see that. Honestly, it’s fine. xxx
Lily:I love what you're doing. He just doesn’t get it.
Darby:Thanks.
Lily:Continue as you are b/c I think you’re going to go far with it. Love you.
Darby:Love you.
Finishing the cinnamon bun and cup of tea, Darby reflected on the conversation with Michael, but more really on herself. Once she’d calmed down, she couldn’t give a stuff what Michael thought. It really was notanyof his business. Not only that, bottom line was that she didn’t actually care about his opinion anyway, which always helped.
What he was too emotionally stunted to realise was that the video was a catalyst for her picking her life back up and being happy. Not that long before, she'd felt invisible, purposeless, convinced that the interesting parts of her life were behind her, and really, really low. Now she had a channel that connected her with loads of women going through similar experiences, a partially renovated kitchen that felt like the beginning of something rather than just the continuation of someone else'schoices, and someone who seemed genuinely interested in spending time with her. Things had changed and all through her own doing. Michael would not be dissing her for that.
More importantly, she had a growing sense that she was finally becoming the person she was supposed to be, rather than just the person circumstances had required her to become. That in itself was worth its weight in gold.
35
Darby stood in the kitchen with a cup of lemon and ginger tea, looking out the window and around at her garden. As the steam from her mug curled into the air, she smiled at what looked as if it would turn out to be a lovely Pretty Beach day. She had loads to do in the garden and the nice day would mean her being able to get stuck into it. On a roll with so many things in the house, because of the video content prompting her, she had a whole section in her diary on how she was going to improve her surroundings. Not only that, she’d realised that even a small effort went a long way.
Pulling out her phone, she tapped onto her channel and nodded. The night market vlog had gone gangbusters. Someone at work had messaged her that a local podcaster had mentioned on his Instagram page that her video showed Pretty Beach’s markets at their finest, which had resulted in a huge influx of new subscribers and views. Darby continued to mostly not have a clue what she was doing or what she thought about it, but felt as if she was doing something right.
There was one disconcerting thing about her latest video. Her eagle-eyed viewers had clocked that she was with someone and were all over it like a rash.
WHO IS THE MAN?! We need a boyfriend reveal, Darbs!
