Darby:I’ll call you.
Pressing the phone sign to call Michael, Darby waited. He hadn’t even answered and he was already irritating her. Just seeing his name on her phone made her irrationally, quite pathetically, ridiculously angry. Not that she ever voiced her opinions or even let them show. Where he was concerned, onthe surface, for the sake of Lily, everything was hunky dory. So amicable, oh yes, we’re friendly, oh no, we’re so not. Under the surface, there may well have been pins in a doll involved. Darby had serious reservations about how she’d ever gone anywhere near him in the first place. She’d often wondered over the years what she’d seen in him and whether she’d been bonkers at the time. She’d even examined it by way of journalling about him. That hadn't ended well and the pages had been ceremoniously burnt in the fire.
Having a little chuckle to herself about the ceremonious burning of the things she’d written about him, she waited for him to pick up. It was nasty to even think about it, but he hadn’t aged well either. Pot belly, hair sprouting from all manner of areas and a serious lack of personality to boot. A direct contrast to the new man in her life. He’d never been a decent parent and had no idea of the day-to-day grind of what she’d had on her end of the parenting stick. What was really annoying was that he thought that he was a model dad. Didn’t they all? Oh, the irony of his arrogance. He was a Disney Dad at best, atverybest, just without the Disney bit. Mostly, whenever Darby had the misfortune to be around him, he made her blood simmer and not in the way Archie did. All around, he was a gigantic pain in the behind. A pain she put up with for the sake of her daughter. The sacrifices you make…
‘Hi, how are you?’
‘I’m fine. You?’
‘Yes, good thanks. What did you want to speak about? What’s happening?’
‘Look, Darbs.’
Darby shook her head. She hated with a passion that Michael felt that he could call her “Darbs” after everything that had gone on. His starting with “look” did not bode well.
‘Lily told me about the channel thing.’
Darby frowned. Her channel and online shenanigans had been the last thing she had expected Michael to mention. She was surprised he even knew about it.
'Right.' Darby braced herself. She could feel a complaint coming her way. Michael had a talent for finding fault with everything, even when it had absolutely nothing to do with him or their daughter. He liked to be negative in most areas of his life.
'She showed me one of your videos. The one where you're talking about feeling lost after the kids left home.'
Darby felt her stomach clench as it dawned on her where the conversation was heading. She didn't like the direction at all. Michael would need to be pushed off the nearest cliff. He’d always been critical of what he perceived as her emotional inadequacies, and the thought of him watching her kitchen table confession made her feel exposed. Trying to keep her voice neutral despite the fact that she was already mentally preparing for battle, she stopped herself from tutting, sighing and growling, but there was no way she was not going to let her feelings be known. ‘Right. Actually, it’s none of your business.’
'You see, that’s where you’re wrong. I have to say, I'm not comfortable with Lily being associated with that sort of content. It’s not just Lily, it reflects badly on, well, on anyone connected.'
There it was; it was about him. Darby internally swore. What the actual? He wasn’t even going to bother sugar-coating the fact that he was concerned about himself. What a little, or rather large, toe rag. His criticism delivered with his sanctimonious tone made her want to reach through the phone and throttle him. His own smug superiority had been part of her life for way too long. 'What sort of content would that be, Michael?'
'You know what I mean. All that stuff about being low. It doesn't reflect well on the family, does it? And Lily's got a lot to think about now. She's doing well at university, making goodconnections. The last thing she needs is people googling her name and finding videos of her mother having breakdowns on the internet. Whatwereyou thinking?'
Darby took a deep breath and counted to five, a technique she'd developed over the years of dealing with Michael's patronising, badly delivered so-called concern. 'Thank you. However, I hardly think stating that I was a bit low is a breakdown, Michael. It's just an honest conversation about a life transition that affects millions of women. Plus, Lily's never mentioned in any of the videos, so I'm not sure how her prospects are supposedly being damaged by my channel.'
'People know she's your daughter if they do a bit of digging. There are lots of us connected to you and the children. Three different fathers at the last count. She's trying to build a professional reputation, and having a mother who broadcasts her personal problems to strangers on the internet isn't exactly helpful. I’m not surprised. It always was all about you.'
Darby tried to breathe. She would not let the dig about the three different dads bother her. The irony of receiving parenting advice from someone who had missed most of Lily's childhood due to work commitments and a general lack of interest in the day-to-day business of actually raising a child was not lost on her. Michael had always been excellent at appearing for the big occasions and then disappearing again when the real work needed to be done. He’d always left her to handle everything from homework supervision to emotional support to university applications. His lack of responsibility was precisely why her relationship with him had been doomed from the outset. It had always been the same. Ignoring his nasty insults, she tried to steer the conversation. 'Have you actually asked Lily how she feels about the videos?'
'Well, no, but I can imagine she's embarrassed by the whole thing, which is why I picked up the phone to you. Darbs,you know you have to beresponsiblehere. No young person wants their friends seeing their mother talking about personal struggles online. It's not appropriate, is it?'
'Actually, Michael, Lily's been very supportive of the channel. She thinks it's important for women to talk openly instead of pretending everything's fine all the time. But I suppose you'd know that if you'd bothered to have an actual conversation with her about it instead of just making assumptions about what she thinks.'
There was a pause on the other end of the line, during which Darby could hear Michael recalibrating his approach. A typical bully, when challenged, he was an out-and-out wimp. He usually shifted tactics to something that sounded more reasonable but was essentially the same complaint dressed up differently. He followed his old script to the letter. 'Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't have hobbies or interests.’ Michael adopted the conciliatory tone he’d always used on her when they’d been together. It was one of the many reasons she’d given him the push. His tone made Darby's teeth itch as he continued. 'I know you like to make things all about you, but maybe you could find something a bit more private? Something that doesn't involve sharing family business with complete strangers. I think that would be far more appropriate.'
'Family business? Michael, I talk about my own experiences as a single parent whose children have left home. I don't discuss your relationship with Lily, your financial contributions or lack thereof, or your general approach to parenting. Though if I did, I suspect the content would be considerably less flattering to you than anything I've actually posted.' Darby felt herself getting more and more worked up. The cheek of the man.
'There's no need to be hostile. I'm just concerned about the impact this might have on Lily. You know how competitive the job market is these days. Employers look at everything,including family background and social media presence. I’m all about Lily.'
Darby stared out her kitchen window and tried to work out whether Michael genuinely believed what he was saying or whether it was just another example of his lifelong commitment to finding fault with whatever she was doing. The idea that Lily's career prospects could be damaged by her channel was ridiculous. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or hang up or what. 'Michael, Lily's studying law at one of the best universities in the country. She's got excellent grades, relevant work experience, and a clear sense of what she wants to do with her life. I seriously doubt that any future employer is going to reject her application because her mother made some videos. Not that anyone knows I’m her mum anyway.'
'You can't be sure of that, though, can you? These days, everything goes on the internet forever. Forever! What seems harmless now might look very different in five or ten years when she's trying to establish herself professionally.'
The conversation needed to come to an end. Darby fumed as Michael continued to drone on and on. He adored the sound of his own stupid, sanctimonious, boring voice. He’d always been expert at finding reasons why whatever Darby was doing was potentially harmful to their daughter, usually without offering any constructive alternatives or taking any responsibility for his own contributions. All in all, he wasn’t very nice. 'Right, Michael, let me stop you there. Lily is not a baby or even a teenager. She's a young adult who's perfectly capable of making her own decisions about what she's comfortable with regarding my online presence. If she has concerns about the channel, she can talk to me about them directly. She doesn't need you to speak for her, especially since you've apparently decided what she thinks without actually consulting her about it.'
'I'm her father, Darby. I have a right to be concerned about things that might affect her well-being, which is why I made the decision to speak to you personally. I have always looked out for her.'
'Of course you do. But you also have a responsibility to base those concerns on actual facts rather than your own assumptions about what might hypothetically happen at some point in the future.'
‘I still think you should consider the broader implications. It's not just about Lily, is it? It's about maintaining some level of privacy anddignityas you get older.'
