All the best for the future,
Fin
I folded the paper with shaking hands and stuffed it back in the envelope as my heart broke all over again. I hated that he had written a letter, but I suppose my unwillingness to talk to him had forced his hand. The letter was so matter of fact. So final.I wish you all the very best in your New York endeavours. Jeez, what was it, a job rejection? He may as well have said, ‘we sincerely hope you find gainful employment very soon’. If this was the real Fin Hunter then I’d had a lucky escape.
Okay, so that was a lie.
I still loved him, and it hurt like hell fire to know it was over. Every single lie he’d told me came back to haunt me. He’d never loved me. I’d been some kind of fun distraction while he rebelled against his parents and found himself.
Clearly, the duplicitous personality wasn’t just connected to his love of music. I felt humiliated. Like he was laughing at me. Poor Star, the silly American barista girl with the crush on the high-flying lawyer who was way out of her league.
God, how pathetic.
The plane eventually began its descent into JFK, and the lights in the cabin dimmed. Tears trailed in streaks down my face as I gazed out over the twinkling lights of my new home.
Home.
That word was never farther from the way I felt than right then.
48
Fin
I sat staring out of my office window at the multitude of architectural styles of the city. The leaves were turning brown, orange and gold, the colours of Autumn, but then again it was September. Star had been gone from the UK for around a month. But even though she had left my country, she most certainly never left my heart or my mind. And as difficult as it was to admit it to myself, I knew I’d been a coward. I should have spoken to her.Madeher listen to me.
The folks of Edinburgh carried on with their everyday lives in the city below, and I envied every single one of them who could focus on normal things. Obviously, I’m not omnipotent, and I had no idea how many of those people down there were suffering something similar to my fate, but I would’ve gladly traded places with any one of them. At least a new pain would have been something different.
My intercom buzzed, dragging me from my pity party for one, and I hit the buzzer. ‘Yes, Fiona?’
‘Finlay, Miss Drummond is here to see you.’
‘Great. Thanks, Fiona. Please send her in.’
I stood and walked round my desk, ready to hug my ex-fiancée Elise when she walked through the door. She looked lovely. Very fresh-faced, and it was good to see. Before she could say a word, I pulled her into my arms.
‘Whoa! Is someone happy to see me?’ She giggled and hugged me back.
‘I sure am, Elise.’
She patted my back and pulled away to kiss my cheek. ‘Still no news?’ The concern in her expression knotted my stomach, and I shook my head, unable to say the answer out loud. ‘She’ll come around, Fin. I just know she will.’
I closed my eyes and sighed. ‘I honestly don’t think so, Elise. I think it’s really over.’
‘Let’s go for lunch, eh? We can talk.’
I nodded my agreement and grabbed my jacket. Fiona gave me a pitiful smile as we left the building. It was sweet that everyone was being so understanding, but in all honesty, I was sick of them all walking on eggshells around me. Relationships ended all the time. Why mine was the hot topic, I’d never know. Reconnecting with Elise again had been inadvertent. We’d bumped into each other while she was out in the city creating her wedding gift register. We’d gone for coffee and I had ended up pouring my heart out to her about Star. She’d been so supportive and it felt good to have her back in my life again. She had always been a good friend even if we were never meant to be more than that.
As we walked along Princes Street amongst the hustle and bustle of the lunchtime rush, I remembered the times Star and I had walked the same street late at night. We’d held hands and chatted easily as we watched the passing trams and taxi cabs. But today, regardless of the number of people around me on the street, I had never felt so damn lonely.
Elise stopped at the end of one of the side streets and pulled my arm. We quickly arrived on Rose Street, and she tugged me into a small café where there was one table free.
She gestured to a chair. ‘Sit. I’ll get you a coffee.’
Too miserable to argue about who was paying, I did as she had ordered and sat at the table by the window. A girl with pink hair passed by outside, and my heart leapt. Just as she was level with me, she glanced at me through the glass. Of course, it wasn’t Star. She was thousands of miles away in New York.
The clunk of a coffee cup being placed before me pulled me back to Elise, and I smiled warmly at her. ‘Thanks for this, Elise.’
She shrugged. ‘It’s just coffee.’
