‘You know what I mean. You being here for me. I appreciate it.’
She responded with a sad smile. ‘I know you do. And what are friends for if not when we’re in need of a hug and chat, eh?’
‘Doesn’t it feel weird? You know, you coming up from London, leaving your boyfriend behind for the weekend just so you can console your dickhead of an ex?’
She shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Rand happens to be a very understanding man. And he knows how important you are to me.’
I fell silent for a while, lost in my thoughts once again. ‘What the hell am I going to do, Elise?’
She huffed and tilted her head to one side. ‘Well, the way I see it, you have two options. One, you forget about her and move on. You have lots of groupies vying for your attention now you’re a local rock god.’
I scrunched my face, irked by her description of my hobby. ‘And two?’
‘Two, you get your arse on a plane and fly out to New York to tell her she made a mistake by leaving. That you love her to pieces and can’t live without her.’
I closed my eyes and let my head roll back. ‘But work... the band...’ She nipped the skin of my forearm and I cried out whilst glaring at her. ‘Ow! What was that for?’
‘Because, Fin Hunter, you’re an idiot. You don’t even want to be a bloody lawyer. You never have. And the band has no gigs for a month whilst Nate and his wife go to Australia. You told me all this, remember? So, what the hell are you waiting for? Why are you making excuses?’ Of course, she was right, and I hated her for it. But only briefly.
I held up my hands. ‘Okay, okay. You’ve got a point. But... what if she tells me to sod off?’
Leaning across the table and clutching my hand, she gazed at me with heartfelt sincerity. ‘You won’t know if you don’t try. And if shedoestell you to sod off then have a few days to get everything out of your system in the Big Apple and come home with a clear head.’
God, she made it sound so easy. So why was my gut telling me it wouldn’t be?
* * *
Alasdair steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them. ‘I think Elise is right, Fin. But I also think you need to be careful. From what you said, her parting letter was very cold. Perhaps shehasmoved on. I just don’t want you going all the way out there to get hurt, son.’
‘I know and I appreciate that, Da—oh shit.’ My hands covered my mouth. ‘Sorry. I mean Alasdair. Shit. That just slipped out.’ I held my hands up in some form of surrender as my cheeks almost spontaneously combusted with embarrassment.
Alasdair’s eyes were fixed on mine, his eyebrows raised. A low chuckle erupted from his chest and his cheeks also coloured. ‘That’s okay. Ididcall you son. I think you can be forgiven. Not that there’s anything to forgive. I’m glad you feel able to talk to me as a friend as well as an employer. And... well, I do look on you as a son of sorts.’
His words touched my heart, but I had to remain on task. ‘So tell me honestly. Do you think I’d be making a colossal mistake going out there?’
He shook his head. ‘No, no. I think it’s a good idea. Perhaps this way your questions will be answered one way or another, and you’ll be able to move on either with orwithout Star in your life. But at least you’ll know. There’s a lot to be said for closure.’
‘And are you happy with me taking the two weeks off? I mean, I may be back sooner but—’
‘Fin, it’s absolutely fine. Go get some flights booked and get some bloody food, will you? You’re looking very pale and gaunt lately. Colette would have my guts for garters if she thought for a second I hadn’t at leasttriedto make you eat something.’
I grinned wide as my heart thudded in my chest at the prospect of the journey I was about to embark upon. ‘I promise I’ll eat tonight.’
‘Good. Now bugger off and get some work done. You’re slacking.’ He winked and I laughed for the first time in what seemed like months. I knew he was only jesting considering I had worked late every single nightsince I received Star’s letter. It was better to be occupied and too busy to think than to sit at home wallowing in whisky and self-pity.
49
Star
Standing in The Napier Gallery in New York surrounded by walls adorned with my own work never got any less surreal. So far, the exhibition had attracted lots of attention in its month-long run to date, and I’d sold several of the larger pieces. The one that hurt the most was the original enlargement of the Edinburgh Castle shot that Fin had loved so much. Seeing that leave to go to its new home had left me in the back office in floods of tears. Marshall, the gallery director, had been concerned, but I’d managed to convince him that letting any of my pieces go would be emotional. Thankfully, he’d bought my lame ass excuse, although he must have thought I was a total flake.
I was relieved that the shot of the Forbes Hunter gravestone that Fin and I had visited together was still hanging in the gallery. After the research I had done it seemed the man had been a distantly connected ancestor of Fin’s and it would feel wrong to let that go to someone who didn’t understand its sentimental value. I vowed that if it didn’t sell within the next week, I was going to request that it be marked as ‘not for sale’. Each time I thought about the times Fin and I had walked through the Old Calton Burial Ground, a deep sadness washed over me. The fractured stonework resembled the state of my heart, but the memory of the day I took the photo was one I treasured. It was a day I’d been able to show Fin the side of Edinburgh thatIloved. But I wondered if any of the experiences we had shared had meant anything to him.
They had certainly left their imprint on my heart.
* * *
New York was an astounding city. Everything was on such a grand scale compared to my hometown in the USAandto Edinburgh. The volume of traffic and the general cacophony of noise that greeted me when I was out walking around the bustling streets was almost at deafening proportions. In many ways, it resembled the TV shows I’d seen. Yellow cabs and subway vents, food carts, and doormen standing proudly outside the more exclusive hotels. It was a melting pot of faiths and languages, but it made me realise how much I missed the Scottish accents of Edinburgh. I missed them so much that my heart skipped whenever I heard one.
