After a few minutes of silence, curiosity got the better of Caitlin. ‘So… do you think you’ll ever have kids?’
Archie smiled, but there was a hint of something in his expression that she couldn’t quite decipher. ‘I don’t know. I think I’m getting a bit old and set in my ways to be honest.’
Caitlin laughed lightly. ‘Don’t be daft. And you’re a man. You can father children into your old age.’
He scrunched his brow and laughed too. ‘Aye, but who wants a wrinkly old dobber for a dad?’
‘Archie, you’re still bloody young. You’ve got plenty of time.’
He shook his head. ‘Got to meet someone to have a child with first. I’m not as brave as you.’
That was fair enough, although she didn’t see herself as brave. She saw herself as more of a coward. At twenty-eight, she’d feared that meeting the right man wasn’t going to happen and wasn’t willing to wait just in case she was right.
He went quiet again for a few moments and then said, ‘I’d love to think that in a few years, I’ll be settled down with a nice woman who wants to have kids with me, but… I don’t know. I don’t seem to attract the type of women who want that kind of thing. And I’m at an age where I’m not really interested in flings. That’s why I’m still single. Who knows, tonight could be the night we both meet our true love. Fingers crossed, eh?’
7
At a couple of minutes past eight o’clock, Archie pushed open the door to the bar of the Kyle Hotel and they walked inside. The room was lively with people chatting and Caitlin glanced around, scanning the room for Lyle. There was no sign of him, which was disappointing.
At ten past eight, a woman spoke over the sound system in a very nasal voice. ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Monica and I’m the MD of Two’s Company Events and I’d like to welcome you to this event at the Kyle Hotel, and to say thank you to our gracious hosts.’
Caitlin turned to face the woman who was heavily made up and wearing a dress that only just appeared to be containing her huge breasts.
‘For those of you who are not familiar with us, my company runs singles nights all over Scotland and we have been very successful in pairing off many a happy couple. I’ve been to plenty of weddings.’ She laughed humourlessly. ‘I’m usually dedicated to my local area of Edinburgh, but we have a host off on sick leave at the moment, so here I am, you’re welcome.’ She held her hand out and did a little curtsey as if expecting applause. When none came, she continued. ‘Ahem… You should all have a sticker to pop your name on, or your nickname if that’s how you prefer to be addressed, so please do that before the event begins. Please refrain from fake names such as Lance Lyde, Ben Dover and Ivana Tinkle though. No one finds that funny.’
I do, thought Caitlin as she stifled a nervous giggle.
‘Tonight, is a little different to our usual singles events, ladies and gentlemen, as this is speed… dating.’ She emphasised her words with a wag of her fingers as she nodded and glanced around the crowd in quite a condescending manner. It was as if she thought they were not aware of what they had walked into and perhaps needed a moment to acclimatise or, indeed, leave. ‘So, how this will work… We have lined up rows of tables where the women will sit. Each man will come and take a seat for four minutes and you’ll chat and get to know each other…’
Archie leaned to Caitlin and whispered, ‘Before tonight I’d have said it’s not possible to get to know someone in four minutes, but now…’ He grinned.
Caitlin looked up at him and smiled. He was right. They had found out the most fundamental things about each other in a matter of a few minutes on their short journey. ‘I don’t suppose there’s any point you coming to my table now, eh?’ she replied and giggled, but as soon as the words had left her mouth, she realised how bad they had, unintentionally, sounded. ‘Ooh, I didn’t mean—’
‘Sorry, love, you with the ginger hair, I need your full attention, or you won’t know what to do,’ Monica, the host, said, pointing a long, red-painted nail directly at Caitlin and giving a snide smile.
Caitlin wanted the tartan carpet to open up and swallow her yet again as she felt her face turning furnace-hot as all heads spun towards her. ‘Sorry,’ she said just above a whisper.Bloody hell, is it possible for me to not make a spectacle of myself at one of these things?she thought.
‘As I was saying, when the buzzer sounds, gents, you must move on to the next waiting date, and so on, and so on. In a moment, I’ll ask all you lovely ladies to take a seat and your first gentleman caller will join you. And remember, this is very important, when you hear the buzzer, your time with that person is up, and you must move on to the next table.’Or else you will grow a second head and possibly horns too…Caitlin’s mind mocked the orange-hued woman. ‘At the end of the event, there will be a sixty-minute window where you can approach anyone you’re particularly interested in and see if the feeling is mutual. All we ask is that you behave with respect, and if a certain person takes your fancy, please feel free to swap mobile numbers or email addresses. Please enjoy the event and remember, two really is company. Thank you.’ Again, she did a little curtsey and again no applause followed.
A few moments later, Monica announced, ‘Ladies, please take your seats. Gentlemen, line up ready. When the buzzer sounds, gentlemen, take your seat at the tables, making sure to leave no gaps. We ask that you don’t head directly for someone who has caught your eye. Every one of our lovely ladies deserves a fair chance.’
Caitlin was beginning to think she had signed up for a string of job interviews instead of the chance to meet a potential life partner. ‘Good luck,’ she said to Archie as she turned to take the closest seat.
‘Aye, you too,’ he replied just as the first buzzer sounded.
* * *
‘So, I’m ready to move out of my mother’s and find a good woman to look after me,’ Reginald, Caitlin’s third disastrous date, told her. He had badly dyed black hair that held so much styling product it was a wonder he could lift his head. And whatever aftershave he was wearing could’ve been used to fell lions ready for surgery. And that’s before she considered his outfit, which was clearly straight out of a men’s fashion magazine for twenty-somethings.What was wrong with growing old gracefully? And why on earth had he told her he was forty-eight when he was clearly in his late fifties?He was just ending a very long monologue where she had discovered all his mother’s ailments and how she loved to potter in their small, but pretty garden. She’d learned that the woman’s favourite singer was Engelbert Humperdinck but that she loved a male voice choir too. To be fair, she sounded like a pleasant enough woman but not the kind of person who needed a date, even though Caitlin felt like Reginald was trying to setherup rather than himself.
Buzzz! ‘Ah, time’s up, I’m afraid,’ Caitlin said with no small amount of relief.
‘I feel like we made a real connection. I’ll find you afterwards,’ Reginald informed her before he stood to leave her table.
Great, she thought.
‘Now then, madam, how are you this fine evening? I’m Archie Sutherland, pleased to make your acquaintance,’ Archie grinned as he held out his hand.
Caitlin rolled her eyes. ‘Thank goodness it’s you. I don’t think I can take any more of this.’
