I open the door, and he smiles down at me. And I wonder if it would be easier to rip my heart out of my chest so I didn’t have to feel the sharp sting of betrayal when I look at him.
My mom’s ominous warning from years before comes rushing back.
“You’ll understand one day, Lily. You’ll fall in love with a man, and you’ll understand.”
A sharp inhale stings my throat, and I shake my head against the tears blurring my eyes.
That’s not what’s happening here. It can’t be. I’m not in love with Theo Sylvis, but deep down, I know I’m lying to myself again. I’ve become my mother in the way I never wanted to. I fell in love.
Theo clears his throat. “Can I please speak to you?”
His voice is different from how he spoke to me just days before. It’s detached. Cold. It stings.
If he’s looking for an apology, he won’t get one from me.
“I don’t think there’s anything for us to talk about.”
I’m being stubborn. I should just have this conversation and get it over with, but a part of me knows that once we do, that’ll be it. There will be nothing left to tie us together, and when that happens, there will be no coming back for me. My mask will become permanent, and the little girl who used to watch her mom put on lipstick will be gone forever.
My hands tremble, and I shove them behind my back. But Theo must see because his face softens, letting through the man who climbedover my walls without me noticing.
“Come on, hopeless. We need to talk.”
Crack.
My walls fall, and I wonder if he can hear it—the sound of my heart shattering. He’s right. We need to talk.
I step aside, letting Theo into my home.
Neither of us says a word as we walk to the kitchen—the place where this all started—and the irony of it all doesn’t escape me. I told Theo not to fall in love with me, and yet I broke my own rule.
“Would you like a drink?” I ask, looking back at him over my shoulder, but Theo shakes his head, sadness darkening his eyes.
“No. Thank you.” He stands by the edge of the bar, his hands still in his pockets as he looks around. His hair is rumpled, like he’s been running his hands through it, and I wonder how long he sat outside, doing just that before he knocked on my door.
Feeling awkward with nothing to do, I pull out a seat at the far end of the bar, away from him, and sit down, smoothing my hands over my messy hair.
“Sorry for my appearance. I wasn’t expecting company.”
For a second, life flares behind the depth of his irises. “You’re always beautiful, Lily.”
His voice is so soft it makes my chest ache, but I believe him. Even with two-day-old hair and crumpled pajamas, the way he looks at me makes me feel beautiful.
“Thank you,” I whisper, ducking my head so he can’t see the heat in my cheeks.
A heartbeat passes, and I let myself believe we can be friends after this. Then, the next heartbeat crashes in my ears, and I know it will never happen that way. It would hurt too much.
“I’m sorry, Lily.”
I close my eyes against the rasp of his voice, the way it cracks over myname, and when I open them again, I’ve reinforced my walls, building them out of steel this time instead of wood. “You thought you were doing what was best.”
Theo’s brows dip together, a frown marring his handsome face. “You misunderstand me. I’m not sorry for that.”
It’s my turn for my brows to dip. “Then what are you sorry about?”
He sighs, taking his hands out of his pockets and gripping the edge of the counter. His knuckles turn white, and I focus on them. It’s easier than focusing on his face. “Well, for starters, I’m sorry for calling you cold.”
I shrug. “It’s fine. It’s not like you were lying. I am cold. Everyone believes that.”
