But Lily shakes her head, the stubborn set of her jaw coming out. “I don’t want to sit. I want you to tell me what’s going on.”
“Hopeless—”
“Don’t you,hopeless me, Theo. Start talking. Now.” Anger simmers in the depths of her eyes.
The ice is back.
Shoving my hands in my pocket, I watch the sunset over the field. “Do you remember that first ballgame when Morgan’s car broke down, and I helped him?”
“Yes.”
“I drove him home that day. There was no way of fixing his car right then, so I took him home. When we got there, it was, um—the house is in pretty rough shape, but I didn’t—I didn’t have much time to think about it because Morgan jumped out of my truck and took off running. I could tell something was wrong, so I followed.” I pause, remembering the sheer terror on Morgan’s face. “His dad hadn’t been home for a while, so Morgan had hired a babysitter to stay with his sister during the game. I—uh—I guess it was someone from theirneighborhood, and when he was late, they didn’t stick around. They left her there at that house by herself.”
“And you didn’t call social services immediately? What were you thinking, Theo? You are in the middle of a custody hearing, and if someone finds out you didn’t report this, you could lose. More than just the custody hearing, too. You could lose your job.”
The thing about Lily is that she sees things as black and white. There are no shades of gray in her world. I think it’s her way of protecting herself—of protecting the people she cares about—but life isn’t black and white.
“Because I know what it’s like.” Frustration leaks into my voice, but I keep going. “Because I know what it’s like to have your kid stripped out of your grip when you are doing the best you can by them. The system doesn’t care about your best. They take them anyway, and I refuse to be a part of something that takes her away from him.”
“Theo, you’re too close to this. Step back and look at it. Morgan is eighteen. He can’t take care of her. He still needs someone to take care of him.”
I go deathly still. “I was the same age.”
“Theo, it’s different—”
My temper flares.
“Lily,” I roar. “Can you stop being so cold for one second and let yourself feel? Put yourself in their shoes.”
Strike three, and I’m out. I watch the words land with the precision of a bullet.
Lily takes a step back from me, her arms wrapping around her middle, and even in the smothering Southern heat, she shivers.
“I was.” Her voice is low, but it doesn’t tremble. Her mask is on, and I’m afraid it will never come back off. “I was in their shoes, and I wished someone had stepped in. I wish I hadn’t had to be the adult when I should have just been able to be a kid, so call it whatyou want, Theo. Cold. Ice queen. Heartless. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before, but you know that I was in their shoes.”
She doesn’t stick around for me to respond. She walks away without a second glance, and I let her because I’ve just realized something.
I love her. I’minlove with her, but it turns out I wasn’t far off the day at the church. There’s no difference between her mom and me because I broke her heart.
Chapter 34
Lily
It’s been a long time since I’ve given someone enough pieces of me to break, and yet, without even realizing it, that’s what I did with Theo. I let him in, and he crushed me beneath his words.
I left the ball field and went straight to my car to call my contact at social services. Theo thought he was doing the right thing, but Morgan and Mia deserve more than just surviving. They deserve to be taken care of. Loved. They deserve love. Just like I did at that age. I deserved more, and I’m only just realizing that I should have demanded it. I shouldn’t have settled for the scraps someone was willing to hand me, and I won’t ever again.
So why have I been lying in bed for the past three days?
I keep telling myself it’s because I’m coming down with something. I believed that—the first three days. Now, it’s going on day four, and it’s getting hard to deny that it’s something more.
I’m rotting in bed when a knock comes from my front door. I don’t even bother trying to put myself together when I drag my butt out of bed, down the hallway, and to where the knock is resounding again, and then I freeze.
My heart stops beating for one second—then two—and then it kicks into overdrive.
Theo stands on the other side, his hands shoved in his pockets. Helooks devastating in a dark T-shirt and jeans. He’s so handsome that it almost hurts to look at him.
He spies me through the glass, a sheepish smile slipping onto his lips, and suddenly, I’m all too aware of how I must look. Unwashed hair piled into a bun on the top of my head. Wrinkled sweats and a T-shirt. It’s too late to change now, though. He’s already seen me, so I keep walking, holding tight to my mask of indifference.
