“How was the ride out?” he asks, easy as ever.
“Uh.” I hesitate, not wanting to give him the impression that we can just breeze over this. I know better than anyone that he’s not the type to just come out with a whole big apology speech. Small talk it is. “It was fine. Little cloudy today. Figure it’ll rain this afternoon.”
“Yeah. Could use the rain.”
We stand there awkwardly for another few moments before he ambles over to stand next to me. He pats the mare I rode over on idly, not meeting my eyes as he talks. I don’t think it’s because he’s ashamed, exactly, just that it’s easier for him to be honest like this.
“I wanted to thank you, son.” The words come out a little jagged at the edges, like he’s not quite ready to say them. “I’ve been real caught up in my own world these past few months,and didn’t spend too much time thinking about how this was all going to affect you. CSS Even though you weren’t happy with it, I was set on being a stubborn old man. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. I kept telling you to be a man, and I just wasn’t seeing that’s exactly what you were doing.”
I stare at him, slack jawed, as he talks. His voice stays level, that same soft smile on his face, and keeps petting through the horse’s mane.
Is it really going to be this easy?
David Montgomery, textbook definition of proud and stubborn, admitting defeat? Without even a fight?
Well, I guess these past several months have all been a fight.
“You’re a fine man, Boden,” he says, finally meeting my eyes. “I’m proud of you. And I’m sorry for pushing you toward that Ward girl. Kenzie’s always been the only one for you, and I know that. If… if you think you can forgive your old man, I’d like to try to do better.”
It almost feels like there should be more. Like I should scream at him and be furious at the thought of forgiving him, but instead, I’m filled with a sense of peace.
It’s not that this iseasy, it’s that it’simportant.
To both of us.
“Yeah,” I say softly, focusing on the mare myself. “Yeah, I think we can both do better, Dad.”
I pet over the well muscled shoulder of the horse as we let a comfortable silence settle between us. There’s a lot I want to say, but none of it feels right. It’s not the time, not the place. I want to think through the words more.
But there is one thing I want him to know. Or maybe I just want to say it out loud.
“I'm, uh, pretty sure Savannah drugged me. That’s why I can’t remember that night. I didn’t—I wasn’t irresponsible. I didn’t drink myself stupid.” It feels like something I shouldn'tadmit, something I should hide behind my fragile masculinity, but I'm done playing that game. “Keith said a couple guys have had similarexperienceswith her. I don't have any proof, but… I guess I just wanted you to know.”
Dad looks at me like he's studying me, his brow furrowed and his lips in a thin line. He doesn't look disappointed in me, or disgusted, or even angry.
I guess I was worried he'd think less of me for letting something like that happen to me, but he just nods. He doesn't ask me if I'm okay. I think he can tell I'm not really ready to talk about it.
“Those sons of bitches will get their karma someday soon, son.” He sounds certain of himself, but not bitter about it. It's a nice change from the frustration I've gotten used to hearing in his voice recently. “I've got no doubt about that. But we're going to stand with you through all of it. No matter what.” His tone is heavy with things unsaid, a million repeated apologies and promises to do better. I'm glad he doesn't voice them.
The time for apologies is over. From here on out, life is a clean slate. I don't want it dirtied with guilt and expectations anymore. I just want to live.
“Thanks, Dad,” I say softly. “It means a lot that you'd have my back.”
He smiles, his eyes crinkling up at the corners, and claps me on the shoulder.
“You'd be just fine even if I didn't.” He sounds proud of me, and I keep my eyes fixed on the shadows dancing across the ground to hide the emotion that wells in them. “But I promise you, kiddo. From now on, I'm right here with you.”
It's nice to hear.
It's nicer to realize that for the first time in my life, I don't need to hear it. The only person I'm living for now is myself.
And Kenzie.
God, it's good to have her back.
“How about we get this fence fixed up and get those damn heifers back in the pasture before they clear out your mother’s garden?” Dad asks.
“Sounds like a plan.”
