This isone of those things where I feel like I should be grateful for what I have and not push for anything more.
Mom’s plan worked. Savannah’s lies were to be just that, and she slunk off to (lick) kick her wounds somewhere. I couldn't care less what she does, as long as it doesn't involve me.
Kenzie and I are back together, stronger than ever because of it all. I’m having a hard time with guilt—seeing her smile like I hung the stars after everything she went through feels cruel somehow. Not because of her, but because I don't feel like I deserve it. I still don't think I've earned her forgiveness, no matter how much she insists I have.
It's just hard to accept that she did more than I would ever have the balls to do, and I'm the one benefiting from it.
Still, I'm not stupid enough to look a gift horse in the mouth. I've got Kenzie back by my side, and I'm never letting her go again. The last two days have been filled with a lot of talking and a lot of promises, but there's one thing I haven't been able to give her.
She wants me to fix things with my dad.
I have absolutely no idea how to do that.
We've never argued like this before. I've never stood my ground and gone against his wishes, and it almost feels like I betrayed him more by doing that than I could have by being with Savannah.
We haven't spoken since that day in the barn.
We've given each other a wide berth on the farm, splitting up to do separate tasks on separate ends of the property. Today's the first day I'll see him since then, and his request for help was a curt text message informing me that he needs help rounding up the cattle that got loose.
I've never seen the man text in his life. He’s always been the type to call, no matter what he needed to say. It's going to be awkward, needless to say, but I won’t back down.
I said what I meant. I was right about everything. What I believe in and who I love is something I won’t apologize for. If Dad wants to be an insufferable ass about it, that's up to him.
I make my way downstairs and head into the kitchen, aiming for a cup of coffee before I start my day. Mom is waiting for me, right in front of the coffee pot. I can tell by the stern look on her face that I'm about to get a tongue lashing.
She doesn't give me a chance to turn tail before she starts talking.
“I understand that you're upset with each other, but you and your father need to work things out,” she says firmly.
I hold my hand up to stop her tirade, surprised when she actually stops. I expected to have to talk over her, but she pauses to listen, crossing her arms over her chest.
“If Dad wants to apologize, I’d be happy to talk to him.” She sighs at me, already opening her mouth to argue, but I keep talking. “I wasn’t in the wrong here, Mom. I tried to tell you guys that Savannah was lying, and I tried to find a compromise about what to do if she wasn’t. But you two wouldn't trust me. He spentso long drilling the importance of doingthe right thinginto my head that I almost married the wrong girl. And even if she wasn't lying and I was wrong, you guys need to trust me to be an adult and make my own choices. I don't want to wind up in a loveless marriage, and I don't want to hurt the people I do love.”
“I know it's important to you that your father admit you were right, but you need to understand where he's coming from. He grew up in a much stricter household, and all he wants is for life to be good for?—”
“This isn't about who was right, Mom.” I shake my head sadly, but a tender smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. No wonder Kenzie had such a hard time getting the root of the problem through my head. My parents seem just as clueless as I was. “It's about trust. About you trusting me, and me trusting you to trust me. If he can't get that, then we have nothing to talk about.”
I turn and walk right out the front door, leaving my mother and the coffee behind.
I'm less upset with her than I am with him, but she can't keep protecting him from his own shortcomings. I should know. It's only after I looked at who I was and compared it to who I want to be that I was able to fix anything.
I saddle up one of the mares, fill my saddlebags with everything I’ll need, and head out to join my dad in the fields. First order of business will be to fix the fence where they busted loose, so he’s probably already started on that. Maybe we’ll be able to work in silence, and I can try to have a conversation with him later. I told Mom that I’m not interested in talking unless he apologizes, but I know that’s not likely, and Kenzie’s right.
It’s not like I don’t want to have a relationship with my dad. But something’s got to give.
Dad has been such a hardass about being a reliable person and doing the right thing my whole life. I’m the only son, and he wants me to be a good person. I can’t blame him for that.
The thing is that Iama good person. I just want to live my own life, not the one he lays out for me.
I want to make my own path.
I have a feeling that’s going to be a hard pill for him to swallow.
His back is to me when I reach him, and I stop to dismount. He glances back as I tie my mare up to one of the low hanging branches of a tree. His own horse is tied up a few feet away.
I expect him to have already turned his attention back to the fence by the time I turn around, but to my surprise, he’s just standing there. Waiting for me.
He has his hands tucked into his pockets and a bashful smile on his face. I pinch myself subtly on the thigh to make sure I’m not dreaming. A sharp prick of pain flares for a moment, leaving me to blink stupidly at him.
