“You'vealwaysdone what people expect of you,” I say, utterly heartbroken. “People expected you to be popular in high school, so that's what you were. We were friends, but you neverlooked at me as anything else because people expected you to date someone other than the bookworm. Your dad expected you to work on the farm, so you did, and now he expects you to give me up because of this thing with Savannah, and you won't eventryto tell him no!”
Tears stream down my face as I whirl to face him again, standing on the other side of the room as he stares at me, stricken. He looks like a scared kid, unsure of what to do or how he even got here, and the thought makes me laugh furiously. That's how he's always been, just going with the flow until someone tells him to do something else.
“I thought I mattered to you.” My voice comes out broken and squeaky, but I don't care. I need to say this, and I need him tohearit. “I'm so fucking in love with you that I was willing to stay with you, baby or not. I would've raised Savannah’s child like it was my own if you asked me to. But you'd rather choose duty over someone who loves you this much. Is it too much to ask for somebody to love me like I love them? Is it too much to ask for you to actually fucking care about me?”
I crumple down into a ball as those final words tear out of me.
They feel like they rip a part of my soul out along with them, and all I can do is wail. My head stays buried in the gap between my knees and my chest, but my sobs echo throughout the room. I would've given upeverythingfor Bo. No matter what he asked, I would've said yes.
He wouldn't even entertain the thought without video evidence that Savannah might be lying. He couldn't trust me enough to even give it a shot.
My whole body quakes as my sobs trail off, my cries turning to silent gasps for air as my heart breaks all over again. I hear Bo’s careful footsteps as he walks over, and I want to scream athim to leave me alone, but I can barely muster the energy to suck in my next breath.
His palm is warm between my shoulder blades, and a fresh wave of tears burns through me. I'm never going to feel this again.
Whatever was between us, it'll never be the same again. We’ll never just be childhood friends, and if we can fix our relationship, it'll never be easy and innocent like it was in the beginning. This situation has broken something, and I don't think it can be put back together again.
“Kenzie, I'm sorry.”
His voice sounds choked, but I don't look up. If I see his face right now, I don't know what I'll do.
“I felt so helpless, and so scared. I didn't know what to do, and I thought?—”
“What will you do if she really is pregnant?” I ask bluntly.
There's no emotion in my voice, no anger, no hurt. He still doesn't fucking get it, and I’m too tired to keep trying to hammer it into his thick skull. Either he figures out what he isn't understanding, or he loses me.
That's the only choice here.
“I—what do you mean?” he asks, sounding shaken. “You and Oakley saw her drinking and riding the bull, right?”
“She can still make awful choices even if she's pregnant, Bo,” I say with a humorless laugh. “So if she's telling the truth, what are you going to do? Because from what you told me, nothing’s changed. You're still just doing what your parents are telling you is acceptable. Just because it aligns better with what you want doesn't mean you're standing up for yourself.”
Bo is silent at that.
I give him a long several minutes to think, hoping against hope that he'll come up with something to soothe my nerves.Anything. I need him to understand how much he hurt me,whyhe hurt me. This isn't something I can look past. The seconds turn to minutes, and he says nothing. He just rubs over my back, silent.
“Get out.”
The words fall heavily into the silence that stretches between us. Bo’s hand stills on my back. His thumb twitches against my shoulder blade, and he draws in breath to speak, but I don't give him the chance.
“I need you to leave,” I say, finally listing my head from between my knees.
I'm sure I look like a wreck, tears and snot covering my face, eyes red and puffy. My tears haven't even stopped flowing, but I force myself to speak through them.
“I need you to go,” I repeat, choking on every syllable. “Please, Bo. Just… if you love me, if youreallylove me, I need you to leave me alone for right now.”
He looks like he wants to argue, but can't find the words. His eyes flit over my face helplessly, mouth dropped open as he stares at me. No words fall from his lips. No final pleas, no explanations.
Tears well in his eyes as we stare at each other, and he shakes his head like he hopes none of it is real. This time, there's no running away.
My heart aches so sharply in my chest when he stands that I swear I'm going to choke on it.
“I love you, Kenz. I swear.”
He says it over and over through his own tears as he stumbles toward the front door, and I can do nothing but watch as I cry.
Even now, all he can do is listen to what someone else tells him to do.
