Chapter Twenty One
BO
Everything is a mess.
It’s scary to say everything is ruined, but that’s probably closer to the truth of it. I never stopped to think about just how much I was hurting Kenzie, too wrapped up in my own worries. I just assumed that if I could figure out a solution to the Savannah problem, everything else would fall into place.
I was wrong.
The thing with Savannah wasn’t the problem—I was. Iam.
And I have no fucking clue how to fix that.
Everything Kenzie said was right. It’s been easy to be a coward my whole life, do nothing but go with the flow. Oakley was always the bull-headed one who disobeyed Mom and Dad.
I haven’t had anything that I cared about enough to fight for it.
Kenzie is the only person who’s ever made me look at my own actions like this, the only person who expects me to stand up and be better. She wants me to be better for myself, too, not just for her. My heart breaks every time I remember the look in her eyes when she asked me to leave.
I left that night because what else was I to do? After stewing on it for the last two days, I can’t just give up.
I’ve loved Kenzie since the first time I laid eyes on her, turning into a bumbling idiot every time my little sister’s friend came around. When I finally got the chance to be alone with her, I was so damn nervous I thought I’d throw up. Since then, I contented myself with being her friend, certain she’d never want anything more with me. But part of it was exactly what kenzie said—I was popular, and people expected me to date the cheerleaders.
I compromised by not dating anyone. I thought that was close enough to making my own decision to count, but it was just more proof of my cowardice.
Now, I know without a doubt that Kenzie is the most important thing in my life.
I just have to prove it.
She’s been on the farm for several hours with the kids from her after school program, and I’m just lingering on the periphery, waiting for her to wrap things up. I just need a second to talk to her, to convince her to listen.
She hasn’t looked at me once.
It hurts more than I’d like to admit.
Just as the kids gather around Kenzie to wrap up the evening’s tasks, my dad wanders into the barn and makes a beeline toward me. I don’t want to talk to him, not right now, but I don’t have a good excuse to avoid him.
Hopefully, I can make it quick so I don’t miss my chance to talk to Kenzie.
“Your mother wanted me to let you know she and Oakley made a plan to get proof from Savannah,” he says without preamble.
My attention immediately shifts fully to him. If he has something to say that’ll change the scope of things, I want Kenzie to know too.
“Whatever they came up with, I’m in,” I say.
“They’re going to schedule an ultrasound appointment and surprise Savannah and her mother with it.” He sounds a little annoyed and a little hopeful, but I know he’s just not good at talking about this kind of stuff. He’s not great with emotions in general. “Oakley seems certain the ultrasound won’t show anything, and Hailey’s already gotten in contact with our lawyer about legal action we can take to keep the Wards away from us.”
My heart soars at the news. This means I’ll have proof of Savannah’s lies, and I’ll be able to keep her away from Kenzie and me. It still leaves the issue of fixing all the hurt I’ve caused, but that’ll be easier to do without Savannah sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong every five seconds.
“That’s great! That’s perfect. Thanks, Dad.”
I knew I could count on Oakley. I’ll have to thank her properly after this is all said and done.
“Don’t thank me yet,” he says gruffly. “Until there’s proof that she’s lying, I’m going to assume she’s not. If the ultrasound shows that she’s pregnant and the timeline lines up, you’re still going to have to buck up and be a man, Boden.”
I blink at him, my hope crashing and dissolving into disappointment. Even after all this, he doesn’t understand. He still thinks that I’m clinging to chances, that I’m hoping against hope that things will work out my way. He doesn’t realize that I’ve already decided how things are going to go for me, regardless of what else happens.
I stare at him, at this man who I’ve let control my entire life, and I just… I don’t fucking care anymore. I can’t bring myself to be angry with him, but I also can’t waste time having the sameconversations with him. He’s a man who understands actions, not words.
