She dragged her eyes to his and her heart lurched as she saw his desperation. Was it possible that Ben running away had changed things? Lucinda was certainly less frosty towards her. She wasn’t sure she dared hope, afraid that would only cause her more heartache. But she’d left without speaking to him, so the least she could do was give him a chance to speak. She nodded.
‘Yes, but not now. You need to be with Ben. Call me when you’re ready and we’ll sort something out.’ She could hear the catch in her voice as she spoke and her eyes flooded with tears, but she blinked them back. Then, holding her head high, she walked away.
* * *
She sat in a daze on the train on the way home, unable to sort her scrambled thoughts. She wasn’t sure what to do next. Did she and Daniel have a future after all? Could they make this work? Now that the exhibition was over she didn’t have much of a demand on her time, apart from documenting Eva’s recovery, and she could do that in day trips to London whenever she was needed. In theory she should be planning her next exhibition, but apart from the prospective launch of Eva’s book, she couldn’t envisage what her next project would be. The last two exhibitions had been a success, both in terms of achieving her dreams and in making a financial profit, but the Chester exhibition had left her feeling rudderless. And it wasn’t just Lucinda and her friends and her split with Daniel. It was more about the feeling she’d had when she’d left the venue — of what was the point of it? She wanted to do something useful, something that changed people’s opinions and made them think about life in a different way. Pictures of buildings didn’t seem to be enough anymore, but for the life of her she didn’t know what would be enough.
On a personal level, her dad seemed settled with a new girlfriend, and Jack would be sentenced soon and moved to a new prison that might be outside of London. Wherever he was she would visit him. Harry was going to Durham University. Although her family might be further apart in distance, they were closer than they had been for a long, long time. She should be happy but she wasn’t.
Daniel. His name drifted into her mind and she realised she would never be able to settle until she’d spoken to him.
* * *
His call came later that evening. ‘Anna?’
‘Daniel, hi. Is everything okay?’
‘Yes, everything is fine. We both had a good chat with Ben and he knows how dangerous it was to do what he did.’
‘I spoke to him too. I hope you don’t blame me for him running away.’
‘No, I don’t! I blame myself and Lucinda.’
‘I do feel guilty, though. If I hadn’t left so suddenly, had explained to him what was happening, maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did.’
‘And if Lucinda and I hadn’t been arguing over you in front of him . . . I don’t know.’ He sighed and she felt his deep sadness in that sigh. ‘Maybe we’re all to blame. But at least no harm has been done.’
‘Yes, that’s one good thing.’
‘But it has made me realise how much you mean to him. And how much you mean to me too.’ He paused. ‘It’s late now, but I could drive over to yours?’
She thought about her dad and Harry downstairs in the living room. She could meet Daniel out somewhere, but she didn’t really want to have this conversation in public.
‘Maybe tomorrow? I could come over to yours. That’s if it’s not disturbing Lucinda and Ben.’
‘They’re not here. They’re staying in a hotel and heading back first thing in the morning. Ben starts back at school on Wednesday.’
Her heart started to beat wildly in her chest. She hadn’t thought Lucinda would stay in a hotel when he had all those rooms going spare in his house. But as she was, did that mean something had changed after all?
* * *
Anna tried to apply a dash of mascara, but her hand was shaking so much she was in danger of stabbing herself in the eye. She wanted to look good for Daniel but, after another night ofbarely sleeping, she looked tired and washed out, and no amount of inexpertly applied make-up was going to cover that up. She made one more attempt, then put on some lipstick in the hope that would make the difference.
Her stomach was twisting in anxiety all the way on the Tube journey. She’d bought a takeaway coffee at the station but it just added to the agitation going on in her stomach, and she’d ended up unable to drink it. Her legs were practically shaking as she walked down the road towards Daniel’s house. During the long sleepless night, she’d come to the conclusion that, in running away from Cheshire, she’d been a coward. Yes, she had been very unhappy at the way she’d been treated, and she did have a right to defend herself, but when it came down to it, she should never have walked out on Daniel like that. She had let her insecurities and her jealousy get the better of her. If they had any chance of making their relationship work, things would have to change on both sides. And surely the way she felt about him was worth the effort? That was what she was planning on telling him anyway — she just hoped he was prepared to fight for her too.
Although she had a key to his house, she rang the bell instead of letting herself in.
‘Anna?’ He looked surprised. ‘Have you lost your key?’
‘No, I just didn’t think it was appropriate.’
He nodded and she thought he looked sad. It felt awkward and distant between them, and she wished they could be as free around each other as they used to be.
‘Come in. Do you want a coffee?’
She shook her head. ‘No, thanks.’
‘Come into the living room and sit down. Let’s at least be comfortable.’
