“Open adoption is a thing, but can you really let him go? I saw how you looked at him.”
“I don’t want to, but isn’t that selfish when I know he’d probably be better off far away from me?”
“He wouldn’t be better without you, Jagger. Knowing what I do about you, no one could teach him how to be a better human. But that’s something you have to decide for yourself.”
“I don’t know how to be a parent.”
“Pretty sure no one does. At least, not with the first one.” I cup his cheek, thumb stroking along the sharp line of his jaw. “I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can’t. That’s a decision only you can make.”
“Just tell me what you think. What you really think.”
I think back to what I heard him tell his father. What I heard Casey say. “I think if you were going to give him up, you would’ve done it already.” My fingers thread through his silky strands as I push up onto my toes, pressing my lips to the column of his throat.
When I try to pull away, he grips my chin, tilting my head back, bringing his mouth to mine once again. A tender swipe against my lips has them parting, allowing him entry. Unhurried and gentle, he teases and explores. Cashmere crawls up my thighs, slow and teasing, until his fingers grip the hem, pulling it higher.
I reach down, grabbing his hand. “We shouldn’t. Noah is…”
“Asleep,” he whispers, affection skimming over my sensitive skin.
“But what if he wakes up? Shouldn’t you be in there?”
“That’s what the monitor is for.” The dress is pulled over my head before I can argue, and I realize he’s backed me to the sofa. “Let me worship you before you convince yourself we can’t keep going.”
“I never said…”
He quiets me with his mouth as he lowers me onto the sofa, continuing his path down my throat, between my breasts, and over my stomach.The sound of a zipper cuts through the sound of my staggered breaths. After he’s peeled off my boots and leggings, his tongue laps a seductive trail over my calf. Goosebumps erupt over my skin when he kisses behind my knee, then repeats it all on the other leg. His fingers hook into my panties, dragging them over my hips and down my legs.
My mind is a hazy fog when he drops his face between my thighs. Blown pupils with pale green rims meet mine. “You didn’t have to say it. It’s been written on your face since we got here.” I yelp when his teeth sink into my adductor muscle. “This isn’t about you. This is about me. I need this before I have to start reminding you that I’m not letting you go. I need to drown in you for a little while.”
Seconds. That’s all it takes before I’m a writhing, whimpering, pleading mess. He’s the master of my body. He doesn’t make me suffer, wasting no time giving me what I need. Stars explode behind my eyes. The strings he commands pull at my spine, arching my back. My body convulses as ecstasy rips through me with one orgasm quickly following another.
I barely register the sound of foil ripping, my core still clenching, when he’s buried inside me, unsure when he removed his clothes. He palms my ass, tilting my hips as he thrusts in long, slow strokes. My arms wrap around him, the powerful muscles of his back flexing beneath my touch, then wrap my legs around him. Bringing his face to mine, I slip my tongue between his lips. I stroke long and slow into his mouth, matching my pace with the pivot of his hips.
This isn’t frenzied and chaotic. It’s a desperate need to hang on, to each other and the moment, filled with fear of the unknown and consumed with hope it’s forever. It’s…it’s…
Love. Unspoken, yet unyielding. Consuming.
Everything.
“Jagger,” I gasp as my core ripples around him. A slow fire trickles down my spine, burning a path, stealing my breath, and bringing tears to my eyes. “Jagger, I…I…”
“I know,” he whispers, kissing them from my cheeks. “Me too.”
He buries his face into my neck, his movements become needy and desperate as he erupts inside me just as I fall over the edge. A sob breaks free as my world shatters and rearranges itself, carving out a space that belongs to him. That will only ever belong to him.
Moments later, our positions have changed, with me resting on top of his chest. Lazy strokes leave a trail of goosebumps down my back, and I let out a sigh more contented than I thought possible after today.
“Not letting you go,” he breathes against my hair. “I know it’s selfish, but I don’t care.”
I’m not sure how long we lay there, wrapped in each other, but it doesn’t take long before his soft snore of exhaustion is the only thing I hear. My mind is a chaotic mess. I walked into this apartment unsure of what I would do. If I wanted to be a part of the complications of his life.
The answer was always there. I was just too afraid to face it. To acknowledge what it meant and how it would affect me.
My phone pings, breaking into my quiet contemplation. I reach over, and my breath catches as I stare at the name on the screen and the message.
Carefully, I untangle myself from his grip, planting my lips over his heart, then brushing his messy hair from his face as I murmur in his ear. “Don’t let me go.”
And I gather my things and leave.
