The rest of the afternoon, I tried to wrap my mind around everything. I wasn’t angry that he had a kid. Two weeks wasn’t much time to know each other, much less spring a kid. Hell, we’d only just decided to see what this was between us. Even if Noah had been with him the entire time, it would’ve been understandable that he waited to share that bit of information. Though it would’ve made the drugs, drinking, and excessive lifestyle a bit more troubling.
It changed things. I just wasn’t sure what yet. It definitely added to the complication that he was, but he took care of my complications. Thanks to him, I didn’t have to work until I felt like dying. I intended to pay him back for everything, but I didn’t have to stress now.
It still didn’t make it any clearer where it left us. If I wanted to involve myself with a guy who had a kid.
For a nanosecond, I was angry with him about Noah because he abandoned his kid like my dad abandoned Phoebe and me. But it was only a nanosecond. Putting two and two together after the woman in the salon took even less time. I couldn’t blame him for how he felt.
Then I heard it all. He promised me answers, but the way I got them? It might’ve been wrong, but hearing the raw, unfiltered story. I couldn’t stop the tears. My heart broke for him.
He said he wasn’t a hero, and he was right. He was so much more. What he endured to protect his stepsister…
You want to believe—and I’m sure he does—that anyone in that position would do the same. But it’s just not true. Maybe I’m jaded, but I don’t believe humans are inherently selfless. They definitely aren’t inclined to sacrifice themselves for others. Yet he did, and the pain I felt because he couldn’t see it made my knees weak.
It’s a lot to unpack, so the entire ride, I stared out the window, watching as we drove through Manhattan.
Jagger carried Noah and his pack-n-play while I carried his bags. The elevator ride was just as subdued as the trip here. I wasn’t sure if we were both processing or if we didn’t know what to say. It was probably a little of both.
It only took a few minutes to get Noah down. He fell asleep on the ride here and barely stirred when Jagger put him down, other than to smile and mumble as he reached for Jagger’s face.
Now, we walk side by side through the apartment to the living room. Jagger walks to his bar that sits in front of the windows overlooking Central Park. I watch as he retrieves two glasses, noting how he hasn’t touched any of it since I’ve been here until now. I know he calls himself an addict and an alcoholic, but I’m not convinced. Not with how he’s refrained for the last several days without a hint of withdrawal. In my experience with Phoebe, he wouldn’t have lasted an entire day, much less three, and a mentally and emotionally anguishing day. I can’t blame him for needing a drink. And I’m more than a little appreciative that he brings me one as well.
I take a healthy swallow, then drag my thumb across my bottom lip to wipe away the excess, watching as he tosses back his entire glass. “It’s the only one I’m having,” he tells me. “I neededsomethingto relax me just a little. My mind is chaos right now.”
“So much for me being your cure,” I joke.
“You still are, Halfpint. Trust me. It would be worse right now without you, but I wouldn’t do that with him here.”
“I’m not judging,” I promise, then add. “He loves you so much.”
“I’m the fununcle,” he scoffs. “I only come around to play.”
“No. That’s not it. Don’t kid yourself. Did you teach him to call you dad?” He shakes his head while I take another small sip of my drink. “The bond is there. Maybe it took you a while to get there, but he knows. He can sense it.”
“You do realize if it weren’t for Casey, I still wouldn’t be there, right?”
My shoulders tip. “I don’t blame you. You’re stronger than me. If I were in your shoes…”
He takes my glass, then sets both down behind him before reaching for me. His hands wrap my waist, pulling me closer. Deft fingers reach up, brushing a few stray hairs that have fallen from my ponytail away from my face. “I know none of this is what you expected.”
Not in a million years did I expect this. How could I? The last thing I expected to find was that he had a secret baby. It’s more than a twist. It’s a Labyrinth. “I knew you were complicated.”
“Complicated?” he scoffs. “Poppy, this is a hurricane disguised as a disaster movie. This is my life turned inside out, and I shouldn’t have dragged you into the middle of it. If I were a better person, I wouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself. I still can’t.” His forehead drops to mine. Lashes brush his cheeks as his eyes close. “I know I told you I would let you walk away, but I won’t. I won’t be able to. It isn’t fair of me, but I need you.”
My ribs physically ache from the pounding of my heart. Choices and consequences ricochet against my temples until a dull throb sets in.
I don’t know what to do. What to say. The way I feel about him is intense. Attraction and lust have been present from the start, but over the last three days, he’s dug his way beneath my skin, into my veins.
But the fact remains, this thing between us has happened at light speed. There’s no foundation and a lot of passion pretending to be certainty. We’ve navigated the last few days on emotions, but now we must face reality. “What are you going to do?”
“Don’t do that.” I hear his anguish behind the harsh tone. “Don’t change the subject.”
“I’m not.” His eyes flash, calling my bullshit with a single look. “Okay. Fine. But that’s what you should be thinking about, Jagger. Not me. I’m not what’s important here. You have decisions to make that could affect you for the rest of your life. No matter what you choose. This thing between us? It’s irrelevant right now.”
His mouth turns to a hard slash, a mask for the pain my statement just caused. He’s not alone. It hurt me to say them. Doesn’t make it less true.
My thumb presses between his brows, trying to soothe his frown. “I’m not trying to hurt you. But he should be your priority. I’m just the girl you’ve been fu—”
Air rushes from my lungs. A warning grips my face. “Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence. I laid it all out for you this weekend. You’re my priority. He is my priority. The two are not mutually exclusive.” His lips meet mine, hard and punishing. The kiss is possessive, full of intent and promise. In a breath, I’m lost to it, but he’s pulling away just as quickly. I see the sheer panic in his eyes. “I don’t know what to do.” His voice breaks with every word. “How the hell can I raise him when I’m such a wreck?”
