“What are you going to do?” Delilah asks as I slide a bottle of water to her and Brett.
“What can I do?” I ask her with a shoulder shrug, my eyes burning from crying all night.
“You can get a lawyer and fight him,” Brett grunts. “He’s an entitled asshole.”
“Ryder isn’t entitled,” I snap. “He could be, but he’s not. He never has been.”
“Why are you defending the guy trying to take your son?” He has been droning on about this since yesterday. You’d think it was him it was happening to.
“Brett, leave her alone.” Delilah elbows him in the ribs. “You’re acting like a jealousasshole.”
“Besides, he’s not trying to take Tyler. He just got visitation until we can work out a custody arrangement.” He could’ve done so much more. He has the money and connections to take Tyler from me. I wouldn’t be able to fight him if I wanted to, but he didn’t. Because Ryder is not the villain he wants everyone to think he is. He’s just hurt.
“Yeah, with a court document he managed to get in less than twenty-four hours. Sounds entitled to me,” he grunts some more.
“You know what, Brett, I love you, but this doesn’t concern you. This is my business. My mistakes that I have to fix.”
“Why do you keep taking all the blame?” he stands abruptly, slamming his fists on the counter. “There was a reason you believed it all. He wasn’t perfect or innocent.”
“Stop presuming to know anything about him.” My hand slashes through the air, just as frustrated as he is. Brett is one of my oldest and best friends, but I let those lines get blurred. Now he’s acting like a jealous boyfriend.
“Both of you stop arguing,” Dee says. “You sound like a couple of kids. Ven, Brett is right. There’s a reason you believed the lies. Even if deep down you had doubt, something made you believe it. Brett, it’s not your place to interfere. He is Tyler’s father, and he has every right to not only be angry, but to want to see his son. And lay off Heaven. You know how shefeels about him. What I’m about to say may make me a bitch but you need to hear it. You were an idiot to catch feelings for her. She will never get over Ryder. If the last nine years hasn’t proven anything else, it’s proven that.”
Brett’s eyes flame and flash with anger and hurt while I duck my head in shame. I’ve messed so much up, I don’t know if I’ll ever make any of it right. I just know I’ve got to try.
A knock at the door has me jumping and my heart racing. I look at the time on the microwave and panic. He’s early.
My eyes jump to Delilah and Brett, asking what I should do. Dee rolls her eyes and walks to the door.
“Yeah, a real great guy. You’re already coming unglued, and all he did was knock,” Brett mutters.
I narrow my eyes at him with a warning in my tone. “That is Tyler’s father. The one that has missed out on his entire life becauseIwas a stupid kid. You can at least pretend to be nice, or you can leave.”
We stand there glaring at each other until a throat clears. I look up to see Delilah standing there with Ryder standing behind her. “Oh, my fucking god. He’s hot as sin,” she mouths.
Ryder looks between Brett and me, head tilted, surveying the situation before he turns those hazel eyes on me. He looks me up and down, from my hair piled on top of my head to my bare feet. I recognize that look. That’s the look that raises the temperature in the room twenty degrees and makes me squirm.
“You’re early,” I say on a wheeze because he literally sucks all the oxygen out of the room. If Ryder Jamison oozed sex when we were teenagers, now he is sex personified. It’s dangerous, deadly, and everything I know better than to want given our history. Someone should tell my body that.
“Thought we should go over some thingsbefore I took him,” he tells me with a smirk because he knows what he does to me. “Is that going to be a problem?”
I shake my head slowly because I’m nearly paralyzed by the way he’s staring at me. Like he hasn’t eaten in days and I’m what’s on the menu. “No. We should talk. I’llget his things together first, then we can sit.”
I walk past him feeling the heat from his body as I do. Once I’m out of sight, I race up the stairs, needing a minute to get myself together.
I remind myself over and overthat there is nothing left between us. It ended years ago, and there’s no chance of it ever being rekindled. Too much damage has been done. Despite knowing the truth, I’ve been too hurt, and he’s been too broken. The most I can hope for is to co-parent Tyler together amicably.
As soon as I’m in Tyler’s room, tears start to sting my eyes.
Dammit.
I hate that I can’t be around him without wanting to cry. Without it hurting so much. I also hate that my son won’t be here tonight. It’s not like he hasn’t had sleep overs on plenty of occasions.
But this is different. He’ll be with his father for the first time. My heart squeezes because, maybe, if I’d made different choices we’d be together instead. This is about to become my new normal and it hurts like a white-hot iron in my chest.I have no idea how I am supposed to see Ryderall the time, and not want to die.
I grab Tyler’sclothes, folding them neatly as I place them in his duffel bag. I pick up a few of his favorite toys and the teddy bear he swears he’s too big for but secretly sneaks into bed after I’ve left the room. I move to the adjoining bathroomfor his toiletries. My hands start shaking as I reach for his toothbrush. I grab the offending hand with my other, pulling it tight to my chest with a sigh. The stress is getting to me.
So much has happened in a month. It feels like everything is falling apart. I have so much on my plate and absolutely nothing is getting accomplished. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about the house and diner. Matt is struggling in school. He’s trying but he’s angry and grieving. And I’m so tired.
