“Angel’s the broody one, remember?” Ryder tries to joke back, but you can hear the hurt and frustration in his voice.
“I’m fine, Ryder,” Maddox sighs. “It won’t happen again.”
“Fucking right it won’t,” Ryder growls. I can feel the anger starting to vibrate off of him. The anger I realize he uses to mask his pain. “Because you’re getting your ass to rehab.”
Maddox laughs for a minute until he sees how serious Ryder is. “Gotta a lotta room to talk, Ry. A little bit of the pot telling the kettle what’s best for him.”
“Didn’t say I wouldn’t be going too,” Ryder murmurs. “I’ve been thinking a lot. It’s time to make changes, Mads. Time to do better. To be better.” He turns looking down at me with soft but determined eyes. “It’s time I make myself better so I can be better for the people I love.”
My heart skitters then stalls right in my chest. I inhale sharply but the air gets stuck, unable to go anywhere.
I have always accepted Ryder exactly as he is. A beautiful, passionate, brilliant mess of a man with so much love to give but so scared to accept it. Scared of wanting it and needing it, then it getting ripped away.
So many things I never knew about him have become knownin the last few days. Like the fear of abandonment he has. Fear of being left behind by those he loves. And all the anger he feels towards a woman that was supposed to show him love and affection. Not make him feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy.
Never once have I asked for him to change a thing about himself. My love for him is as unconditional as my need for oxygen.
But here he is offering anyway. Offering to try to mend those dark places to be better for his friends and for Tyler and me.
“I can’t do it, Ryder,” Maddox tells him again, but with more defeat in his voice. “That’s not something I can face.”
“We face it together, Mads. Like we’ve done with everything else.”
Maddox leans his head back against the bed. The weight of the world bears down on him so heavy and hard, it’s almost a tangible thing. “I’ll think about it,” he sighs.
“I love you, mate. You’re my best friend. Part of me that I can’t lose. Iknow, Mads. I know better than anyone how much you’re going through, but I need you to fight. I can’t lose you. I won’t survive.”
Maddox looks at me with a smirk. “I think you’d be fine.”
Ryder laughs, kissing the top of my head. “Maybe, but I don’t want to find out, okay?”
“I said I would think about it. I mean it. I will.”
“We’re going to step out and let the other guys come in.” Ryder says with a jerk of his head.
“Don’t just step out. Go home. The other guys will get me home when these assholes let me leave. She looks like she’s about to pass out. You good, cupcake?”
Without warning, a sob I didn’t know I was holding back escapes my throat. I remove the distance between us, throwing myself on the bed with him, wrapping my arms around him. “I love you, Madsy. I love you so much.” It’s nothing more than a whisper only for him.
“I love you too, cupcake. I need you to take care of him.”
“No. Don’t say that like you won’t be around to do it.”
“I’ll be around, cupcake, but he needs you far more than he needs me. Always has. So, promise me you won’t break him again. He really won’t survive a second time.”
“I swear, Madsy. I won’t break him.”
“He loves you, Heaven. He’s loved you for far longer than he’s wanted to admit. You’re his reason, his person. Just be patient with him.”
“Always.”
I lean back with a sniff. Maddox wipes my tears before pulling me to him, kissing my forehead. Then promptly shoos me away.
Once we are outside, Ryder hugs me tight. “Thank you,” he murmurs into the top of my head with a kiss. “Where’d you park your car?”
I give him a small shrug with a shy smile. “I— uh — kind of just ran over from the diner when Dee called me.”
“Are you serious? Pixie, it’s fucking freezing outside.” He pulls me back from him, his gaze is sharp and stern on me making me feel a little embarrassed.
