“I didn’t have my car. Matt took Tyler to a school thing. I couldn’t wait on them to get back, and I didn’t want to ask them to come back. It wasn’t far.”
“Come on. I’ll get you home. Maddox said so, remember?” He grins against my head.
“Okay.”
We walk to the car, our hands joined, in complete silence. Once we’re inside, he cranks the car but he just sits there. “I meant what I said in there,” he tells me softly. “Every damn word. It’s time to change. The guys were telling me that today after I told them about yesterday with Nova.”
“Ryder,” I interrupt, “I don’t blame you for yesterday. I heard what she said. You know I did.”
“You don’t get it, pixie. When I snapped, it wasn’t Nova my hands were on, it was my mother. I don’t want that to ever be you or Tyler.”
“It wouldn’t be. You’d never hurt us. I know that. I know it here.” I put my hand over my heart so he sees.
“Not a risk I should be taking. Not with you. Not with my son. But there’s more to it than that, Heaven. I’ve got to get help. This anger has been eating me alive for too damn long. I’ve given my mother and my past too much bloody space in my head. Too much power and control, even when I thought the control was all mine. And I need rehab too. I’m not stupid. I’m a part-time junkie and a full time alcoholic. I have been since I was sixteen. I don’t want my son to be raised by someone like that. I want him to have a father that lives in the present and is healthy up here.” He taps the side of his head, as his eyes close. I know admitting all of this isso importantfor him. I just hate what has finally brought him here. “But for tonight, I don’t want to be alone. I shouldn’t be alone.”
“You want to come back with me?” I offer. “Spend the night at my house with us?”
He shakes his head with a sad smile. “I don’t want Tyler to see me like this. I know it’s asking a lot, but will you come back with me?”
I reach over, cupping his face, as I bring my lips to his. It’s a soft kiss. One meant to convey nothing but love and acceptance and understanding. “I’ll let Matt know I’m not coming home tonight,” I whisper against his lips.
He nods then puts the car in drive. We drive in silence all the way with my hand in his.
When we get there, he leads me upstairs to his room. I stand in the middle of the room, feeling a little awkward, not really knowing what to expect.
“Just sleep, Heaven. I just want you with me. I don’t expect anything else.” He brushes the hair away from my face, soft and soothing. Glimpses of who he was with me all those years ago peek through. It wasn’t wild and rough fucking every time. Sometimes it was slow and gentle love making. Those moments when I knew without the words that he loved me. Those moments I wish I’d trusted more.
He pulls my shirt over my head, then my bra. He runs the back of his knuckles down my side, over my breast. Before he peels my jeans off of me. “You were always so goddamn beautiful,” he whispers. “You havenoidea what you do to me. Everything feels like—peace when you’re here. A perfect calm. You are my gravity, Heaven. You’re the only thing that’s ever kept me on the ground.”
“And you are a perfect storm. Beautiful destruction and chaos because you completelyshatterme.” I press myself against him, bringing his lips to mine. My heart pounds in my chest and my breath stalls as our lips glide across one another. It’s sweet and sensual and makes me dizzy.
“You’re making it hard for me to stick to the just sleeping rule, pixie,” he whispers against my mouth.
I don’t respond with words. Instead, I pull his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor behind us. I run my tongue down his throat, his chest, and over the ridges of his abs as I fumble with the button of his jeans. I push them over his hips, and that beautiful cock springs free.
Without taking my eyes off of his, I drop to my knees and run my tongue over the head, flicking the jewelry that crisscrosses. I kiss softly down the length of him then lick my way back up before taking him fully in my mouth. I go up and down slowly, swirling my tongue around the head on every ascent.
He watches me as I work him over. His eyes full of fire with a clenched jaw and clenched fists as he tries to restrain himself. Relinquish control of his pleasure to me. Allowing me to give instead of him taking.
I hollow my cheeks, picking up my pace as I suck him long and deep until he is hitting the back of my throat. I swallow, working my throat muscles over him, and a rumble begins to vibrate his chest. I feel him swell, getting harder with each stroke of my tongue.
I reach up, taking his balls in my hand, rolling them with firm pressure. Pleasure and pain. He wants it to hurt enough to feel good. I know I remember how he likes it when the rumble becomes a groan.
“Pixie,” he warns, letting me know he’s close. He tries to pull away, but I grip his ass, digging my nails in. I move even faster, adding extra pressure to that jeweled head until he begins to throb in my mouth. Once, twice and he explodes his salty essences down my throat with a loud groan.
I don’t release him right away. I continue to bob my head and flick my tongue until I feel the muscles in his legs begin to tremble. I tease and taunt and torment his sensitive member until he grabs me by the arms, throwing me to his bed.
“You’re playing dirty, pixie.” He hovers over me, his eyes full of lightning and fire. Golds and oranges and browns mix and swirl and dance and I see everything I’ve always seen. “I fucking love you so much, Heaven. Didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much that it physically hurts.”
Tears build and spill over. My heart is so full of this man. Always has been but this is different. “You’ve never said that before,” I whisper, and he hasn’t. He has never said he loves me. The only time he ever said it was in past tense.
He knows. “’Bout fucking time I told you. Should never have waited so damn long. I love you. I have only ever loved you. I will never love anyone but you.”
I grip both sides of his face, bringing his mouth to mine. Fire erupts over my skin as our tongues tangle and crash together. His hands massage and caress my body until I’m melting beneath his touch. He strokes gently through my folds as he plunges a finger inside. My hips buck at the welcome intrusion, a low keen escapes my lips.
“That what you want, pixie? Do you want me to make you feel good?”
“Always.” I whisper. “You always make me feel good.”
