I shake my head sadly. “That’s what had me seeing a doctor before my diagnosis. I started having problems with my hands going numb at first. Then I started to have vision problems and dizziness.”
He kisses the side of my head. “I’m sorry, pixie. I know you loved it.”
I shrug. My acceptance that painting may not be something I’ll ever do again happened a long time ago. “I still take pictures on occasion. I just haven’t had the courage to try to paint. Every time I hold the paint brushes and my hands shake scares me.”
We walk out together. Maddox and Dane are both asleep in the lobby chairs with mouths wide open. Ryder kicks them both when we close. “Time to go, asshats. I didn’t die today.” I flinch, remembering the way he looked when I walked into the room. “Are you okay to get home by yourself?”
I nod, biting my lip. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him to come back with me, but I hold back. I attribute it to the nonstop pheromones the man is constantly exuding.
“I’ll come in the morning to see him,” he tells me. “That is unless you think the bandages will freak him out.”
I can’t help but laugh. “He’s an eight-year-old boy. He’ll think it makes you cooler than he already believes you are.”
“Right,” he chuckles.
“Alright, I’ll be there around ten. Sound good?”
“Perfect,” I smile.
I walk into my house a few minutes later with pizza for everyone. I look over to see Delilah and Brett sitting at the kitchen table talking and Tyler at the counter working on something. I called Dee to stay with Tyler after Maddox called because Matt was at a ballgame and even if I knew where Nova was, I wouldn’t leave my son with her.
I’m not sure why Brett is here. After Ryder left earlier, he and I got into it again.I was right about the neighbors hearing because he heard everything and was quick to let me know.
I hate that all of this is coming between us. We’ve been friends forever. The rift is my fault. I’m the one who started the friends with benefits thing a while ago. I have always been upfront about my feelings. I’ve never kept it a secret from anyone that my heart belongs to someone else. Even if everyone didn’t know the details, they knew I was emotionally unavailable.
Tyler’s head pops up as soon as he smells the pizza. That kid could eat pizza and cheeseburgers for every meal. “Can I eat in the living room, Mom?” he asks, after I’ve made his plate.
“Go ahead.” I scruff his hair then send him on his way.
“How’d it go?” Dee asks once he’s out of earshot.
“She shouldn’t have gone in the first place. Why are you giving this asshole your time? He treats you like shit.” Brett’s face is hard and body is rigid. If he hadn’t already vocalized how he felt, his body language would tell it all.
“Brett, for the last time, Ryder has been hurt.” I lean over the table, getting right in his face. “We both have. We have lived the last nine years believing things that weren’t true. Both of us. Stop acting like a jealous asshole and put yourself in his shoes.”
“I’m the jealous asshole? You heard what he said today. He acts like you’re still together, and he’s just loaned you out.” His voice is an angry whisper as he looks to the living room where Tyler is. “He talks about you like you’re his.”
I let out a long exhale. “I’m not a piece of property. He knows that. He lashes out when he’s angry just like you’ve been doing. But, Brett, we may not be together,but I am and always will be his. I’ve never denied that.”
“Why? Why does an asshole like that get to have your heart? You’re too good for him.”
“Because I see him,” I whisper. “I see beyond the anger and the grief and the pain to his heart. The heart of a man that is loyal to a fault. Who loves and protects his friends with an unmatched ferocity. He doesn’t let many people in, but the ones he does, he gives his everything to make sure they know he will be there whentheyneed them. And his passion. He doesn’t do anything halfway. He loves hard, he plays hard, he fights hard. Unbridled, inextinguishable passion flows through every ounce of him. And you know what, Brett? When he loves me, he loves me like no one else can. No one makes me feel wanted, needed, or desired like he does. When he loves me, he loves me with everything he has. Even when he hates me, he still loves me. What we had? There isn’t anything in the world that could match it. So, even if we are never together again, my heart will never belong to anyone else. It’s completely his. And his is mine.”
“Wow,” Delilah breathes. “You’ve never said all that before.”
“That doesn’t even begin to describe it.” I shake my head for a minute. “I heard what you said today, Brett. I am so sorry that I don’t feel the same way about you, but I never led you on or encouraged anything. I was always honest with you.”
His head drops as he sighs. “I know. I knew the first time what I was doing. I was just hoping with time, I could make you forget him.”
“You never forget the reason your heart keeps beating. The reason your lungs have air. Even apart all these years, it has been and always will be for him.”
He pushes back from the table, looking resigned and defeated. “That’s one thing I do understand. I just hope he doesn’t break your heart again.”
“He can only break mine as much as I break his.”
“I’ve got to go.” He jerks his thumb over his shoulder as he makes his way toward the backdoor.
“I really am sorry, Brett,” I whisper again.
