“It’s okay, Ven. I get it.”
I watch sadly as he leaves withslumped shoulders of defeat. Misery and remorse fill my gut. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt him. But I can’t make myself love him the way he wants. Anything less would be settling, and he deserves more than to just settle.
“You okay?” Delilah places her hand on top of mine.
I sit in Brett’s vacated chair, exhaustion rolling over every inch of me. “The last few days have been—grueling. The last few weeks have been grueling.”
“All that you said about Ryder true?” She watches me carefully, studying me for any tell that I’m lying. She won’t find any.
“Unequivocally.”
“What happened with him? You haven’t told me anything.”
“That passion I was talking about?” I start. She nods, encouraging me to continue. “It sometimes backfires on him. He doesn’t know how to release it or express it until it just floods out of him. Ryder works in truth and facts and control. Healways said that he couldn’t control everything around him, but he could control his reactions. What I told him today meant his actions weren’t entirely his own. Apparently, when he looked in the mirror, he didn’t like who he saw.”
“He sounds unstable, Heaven. Do I need to worry about you?”
“No. He’s probably wanted to on occasion, but he would never hurt me. Not in any way I didn’t like,” I grin.
“Such a hussy,” she teases. “Not to put more shit on your plate, but I checked your mail. There’s a letter from your parents' finance company.”
She goes to the counter, then brings it to me. Dread pools in my belly. I’ve been begging for extensions on the payments that are due because after the other night with Ryder, I knew I didn’t have it in me to continue with that. What happened with Ryder was because of a history we shared, but that didn’t mean someone else wouldn’t act the same way without lines they wouldn’t cross.
There was no way I was going to get twenty-five thousand dollars to make the two payments. I couldn’t even get the fourteen thousand for the balloon payment on the house. All I had left was to hope these companies would have some sympathy.
That hope is quickly evaporated as I read the latest letter. My eyes begin to sting as I stare at the words that have started to blur. “They are demanding payment in full in fifteen days or they’ll begin the foreclosure process.”
“Shit, Heaven, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not fair,” I drop my head to my hands. “How can I look Matt in the eye and tell him he’s going to lose his home too?”
“It’s your home too, Ven.” She places her hand over mine, squeezing gently.
I shake my head in argument. “No. I haven’t lived here since I was seventeen. I love this place. I do. But it’s not home for me. Not like it is for Matt.”
“You know you could always ask him.”
My eyes snap up with irritation at her suggestion. A suggestion I’ve already refused once. “No. I am not asking him.”
“Why not? Things are different now than they were a couple of weeks ago. He would want to help you, Heaven.”
“I’m not taking his money. I don’t want him thinking that everything I’ve said was to get his money. This isn’t his problem.”
“Well, first of all, I doubt he would think that. Second of all, isn’t that what caused the two of you problems in the first place? He didn’t think his family problems were yours?” Her brows are set high on her forehead in a mixture of challenge and mocking.
“I can’t, Dee. We’ve literally just stopped trying to tear each other apart less than two hours ago. I won’t bring this to him. And neither will you.”
A couple of hours later, Tyler is in bed, and I am climbing into my own. I’m hoping sleep takes me quickly. Sleep is the only time the world doesn’t seem to be spinning in reverse.
I pull my fluffy, white comforter to my chin and snuggle down into the bed I slept in for my entire childhood. I reach over to shut off the silver and black lamp that sits on my nightstand when my phone buzzes.
I grab it, swiping to get to my messages.
Unknown: You awake?
I nearly erase the message, not wanting to engage with some creep, when another comes through.
Unknown: I can’t sleep. Painkillers aren’t shit when you’re a borderline addict and alcoholic. Dane is hiding the whiskey too. And my damn keys.
