“I knew. God, I fucking knew the minute we were in that car something was off. It wasn’t his usual driver. It was his brother’s driver. Before we got to the club,we picked up hisfriend, James. That was another red flag.”
I take a deep breath,working hard to keep my voice from cracking as I get to the part no one knows about. “When we got there, Jamesescorted us to a room, telling us that Stephano would be there soon. I knew the second that door closed, Stephano wasn’t coming. The room was set up like a sex dungeon, but there was just something off about it.
“The minute the door locked, two men stepped out. I don’t even know what they looked like. They stayed in the shadows enough to keep their faces concealed.I’m not even sure how long we were in there. But I was forced to watch while one brutalized and raped Jasmine, and then I watched Jasmine kill herself.”
Another sob escapes my throatat the memory. At knowing my friend was attacked so viciously that she ended her life and that it’s my fault.Jake’s arms tighten around me. I can feel the vibrations of his bodyas anger pours off of him. “Did they – were you....”he can’t even finish his sentence. Violence and rage infiltrate his every cell to the point it’s palpable.
“They never got a chance.One of Zane’s friends burst into the room. I thought the sounds I heard was the thunder from the storm outside, but it was gunfire.I didn’t even know until I wiped the blood from my face. They carried me out of that room. I don’t remember muchafterward, butTori was shot. She nearly died. What’s worse is she was pregnant with Dax and didn’t know it. If they’d died….” a painful, grueling sound escapes my throat.
“Shh,” Jake tells me. “None of that was your fault, Cara. You can’t change what happened,but you need to see it wasn’t your fault. It was the asshole that took advantage of you. The fault lies with him.”
“Don’t you see now? Don’t you see why you shouldn’t love me?”I’m in near hysterics, pleading with him to change his mind. At the same time, in the recesses of my mind, I hope he doesn’t.
“All I see is a girl that’s been hurt. A girl that is carrying a lot of blame for something she couldn’t control. If your heart weren’t so fucking big, this wouldn’t hurt you so much. You wouldn’t hold this blame inside yourself.”
“Oh, Jake,” I whimper with sympathy and pity.
“I can carry it, Cara,” he says in my hair. We stay like that for several minutes. Maybe it’s even hours. I’m not sure.Then he starts talking again, breaking the silence. “Want to know my secret?” he whispers.
“You have a secret?” I ask incredulously because Jake, according to Dane, has always been an open book.
“I’ve got two,actually. One everyone knows about but you. The other I’ve never told anyone.”
I sit up to face him. “You don’t have to tell me, Jake. I didn’t tell you all of that, so you’d share a secret too,” I inhale deeply before I admit to him my reason, but I never get the chance.
“You told me that, hoping I would change my mind,” he stroke my face with a sad smile. “Unfortunately, even if you’d told me you killed someone in cold blood,I don’t think my mind would change. I’vewanted you so long. It’s ingrained in me.”
“That’s twice you’ve said something about how long you’ve wanted me. It didn’t start with the trip?”
He chuckles with a shake of his head. Even in the darkness, I swear I see him blush. “Not even close beautiful.It all started when I came home from college. It was a party for me, and there was this gorgeous girl there. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The problem was she was only sixteen, and I wastwenty-one. She also happened to be my best friend’s baby sister.”
I gasp as I realize he’s talking about the day we met. “All this time,” surprise lines my whispered tone.
“The day of your eighteenth birthday, I planned on asking you out, but things change in an instant. Peyton was standing at my door when I opened it to leave.”
“Oh my god,” I gasp. “You’ve kept it a secret all this time.”
He shakes his head. “I thought I was, but apparently, the only one that didn’t see was you. Even Dane called me out on it,” he laughs with disbelief.
“But you said there was a secret no one else knows.”
“There is,” he reaches for my hand, bringing it to his mouth, kissing each of my fingers. “When Peyton showed up, claiming to be pregnant with my baby, I knew it was impossible. But she claimed it was at a party we both attendedwhere I got blackout drunk. I demanded a paternity test, of course. We went to the doctor together the next weekfor her checkup and to ask for the blood work.By the time we left, I didn’t care what the results showed. After I heard the heartbeat, I was done. The next week when the results came, I pretended they said I was the baby’s dad. Peyton knewshe was lying,and she knew I knew. We just kept pretending. After Lyra was born, Peyton signed my nameonher birth certificate.Later that afternoon, when I showed up at the hospital, she’d already snuck out. “
I am speechless. I had no idea what happened to Lyra’s mom. I don’t know why, but I always assumed she died in childbirth or something. In a million years, I never thought that her mom just vanished,not even twenty-four hours after she was born. How was she able to just disappear like that so soon after birth? How did the hospital staff not notice? Then I realize that kind of thing happens all the time. Howoften have newborns been found in dumpstersor bathrooms because the mothers didn’t want them? At least, the woman had the decency tohave Lyra in the hospital before she just dumped her.
Then a shocked gasp escapes me as what he’s said finally hits me like a sack of bricks. My eyes go wide as they snap to him. He gives me a soft smile with a kissonmy forehead. “Took you a minute, huh?” he teases.
“Jake,” I gasp again.
“She’s mine, Cara.Every single cell of hersbelongs to me, but it’s not my blood in her veins. She is my daughter, and Iamher father. But we don’t shareDNA.”
“You never toldanyone?”
“No. There’s no reason to.”
“Jake, you – you’re– I can’t even put into words what I’m feeling. That’s nothing short of amazing.But don’t you see that’s exactly why you shouldn’t love me?Youchose that little girl. You chose to love and protect her. Loving me will get you both hurt. I can’t give you what you want or be what you need.”
He pulls me closer. “I already told you, let me be whatyouneed. And I can love enough for both of us. Until youaccept it and let yourself feel it. I can do things your way, Cara. No matter what way that is, I’ll do it because all Iwantis you. And I already know you won’t do anything to hurt Lyra.”
