Oh, God. No.
More thunder blasts. Blastsso loudly my ears ring. I wait for the violation only to realize the hands holding me are no longer there. Through tears,I vaguely realize the man in front of me is now lying face down on the concrete floor.
I reach up with shaky hands to wipe tears from my face. When I pull them back,they are covered in red.
I begin to scream. Iscream even louder when arms wrap around me.
“Cara, wake up.”
I struggle against the arms, fighting with everything I have left in me.
“Cara, wake up,” I hear again.
My eyes flicker as thunder booms. Jake is hovering over me, looking completely enraged and terrified all at once.I reach for him, throwing myself into his arms. I hold him tightly.
“It was just a dream,” he soothes my hair with a kiss to my temple.
“Not a dream,” I whimper. “I wish that’s all it was.”
“You can tell me, baby,” he says softly. I close my eyes at the emotion in his voice. In the way,he’s holding me. In another life,maybe Jake and I could have been something together.
“I can’t tell anyone.” It comes out so low, I’m not sure if he hears me.
“Let me carry it, Cara. I can hold some of it, so it’s not so heavy for you.”
I shake my head. “No one can hold this but me. I deserve to carry it.”
I feel his entire body tense. He pulls away from me, looking downwith a contrasting combination of ferocity and softness. “You only deserve to be happy. Let meheal your hurt.”Tears slip down my face again.
“You don’twant me, Jake. I know you think you do. I see how you look at me, but I’m not good. I would only hurt you and Lyra.”
“It’d be worth it, baby. It would be worth all of it. Do you think you’re the only person withsecrets, Cara?Do you think you’re the only person that’s been broken or has baggage?We’ve all got scars. It’s what’s under those scars that I love.”
“Jake,” I sob, “you can’t love me. Please don’t love me.”
“Too late for that, Cara.”
I shake my head, not understanding. How can he love me? He doesn’tknow me.It’s only been a few weeks since this tour started. There is no way he’s fallen in love with me. Especially considering I’ve avoided him everychance I get.
He laughs a sad chuckle as my reaction. “Cara, I’ve wanted you for a lot longer than you realize, but things got in the way of me doing anything about it.That doesn’t matter,though. What matters is that you know I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t, Jake,” I shake my head.“I can’t be what you need.”
“Then let me be what you need. Let mecarry your pain. Let mehold your broken heart until it’s whole again.”
“I can’t do that to you. You have Lyra to think about.” I bite my lip at the thought of anything hurting that little girl.
He runs a gentle finger under my eye, catching the still pooling tears. “Tell me what happened to you, Cara.”
I hesitate. I’ve never told anyone. Not even my therapist. No one knows how much damage I’ve caused. How much blood is on my hands.
But it’s the only way for Jake to see that he doesn’t want me. He’s not going to believe me otherwise.
“When I got to Chicago, I went a little wild. I was no longer under Dane’s watchful eye, and I wanted to discover who I was and what I liked without worrying about him losing his crap. Part of that was the desire to know what I liked sexually.It’s how I ended up with Stephano.He was handsome and rich,and he catered to me.He was the adventure I needed.
“I don’t think I ever loved him. I liked him a lot,though. I also knew Dane wouldn’t havelike him. He was a few years older than me,and I just knew Dane would lose it. So, I found myself cutting off contact withmy brother.
“It turned out he wasn’t a good person. On the night everything happened, I was supposed to meet him at his brother’s undergroundclub. He told me to bring my friend too. That evening, dressed to kill, Jasmine and I climbed intothe car he sent for us.
