I know the reason. No. It’s not because I’m bossy, although I’m that too. It is because I am and have beenabsolutelyobsessed with this girl for years.I finally have her, all but to myself,and I can’t do a damn thing about it. That she went to her room after I told her to wait for me is like she just put twothousand miles between us again.
It irritates me that everyone can see how I feel about her but her.Or they can see that I’mvery muchattracted to her anyway because I’m not entirely sure how I feel about her.
I know I feel veryprotective of her. I wantto take her pain away – go back to whatever happened to take that constant sparkle in her eyes away and stop it. Iknow it drives me insane when I think of her with someone else. I can’t stand the thought of another man’s hands on her or inside her body.I know I worry about her all the time. I’ve beenconcerned for a long time, even without knowing what happened to her. I care.
That’s what this is. Care. I care about Cara. I’ve cared about her for a long time.Even Dane can see. I know he can. He just hasn’t said anything.
But being highly frustrated that Cara can’t see how I feelisn’t fair to her. Two of those years, I watched her from a distance. I felt like a horrible person, wantingher when she was still so young. Young, impressionable and naïve.There was no way she could’ve known I always noticed her.Isawthe way her face would be so animated when she was excited.The way her eyes would get wide and her smile would stretch across her face. The way her hands flailed around while she spoke.
There is no way she would’ve seen that I was watching her like a damn creep.Even now, when I think about it, I cringe.
Then she finally turned eighteen.At last, I could ask her out. Let her know I was interested. Finally, I could put it out there and let the chips fall where they may, except I didn’t even make it to the buy-in.
Peyton showed up. Cara left forcollege, and anothernearly three years have passed.
And since she’s been back, I’ve kept my distance again because being around her is hard.Especially since I thought I was hiding my feelings. I thought I was burying it deep down, but apparently, I suck at it. It shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve always been alousyliar.
I’m such an idiot. Of course, she has no idea how I feel. Has no idea how ridiculously attracted to her I am.I’m honestly afraid it would scare the hell out of her if she did know. I think it just did a little while ago.
What I do know is thatmy mom was right. Ryder andMaddox are right.I’ve waited forever.It’s time to go after what I want. I might as well do it now. Because Lyra is going to get attached regardless because of the time they will be spending together. That makes this the perfect opportunity.
I need to try. But I can’t rush it. I have to move slow. But, at least, I’ll bemoving forward instead of stuck in this stagnant stalemate.
I can move slow for her. Give her a chance to get to know me. Let her see the chemistry between us because I know she felt it earlier.
I could see it in hereyes. Could tell by the way her breathing picked up and her cheeks flushed.It was electric.The attraction and spark were undeniable. For a split second, I thought we would fly right past the get to know you phase straight to the bed.
Then it all went to hell. She crumbled before my eyes. A piece of me crumbled right there with her. She practically convulsed in my arms. Her sobs were heartbreaking, much like that day in River City. Her mutterings, almostindecipherable.
Except for one phrase.
Please stop.
Those two wordsstopped my heart. When I think about what happened right before she fell apart, my blood boils.Dark thoughts filter through my mind, sending bile to my throat.
I wanted to keep her wrapped in my arms, protected and safe. It was instinctual. And for a minute, she allowedit. She sunk deep into my chest once again. She clung to the comfort I offered. We were in a bubble. A bubble I wanted forever, it seems. Although under different circumstances.
I knew the minute the bubble burst. There was a physical shift in the air, like a bucket of ice water doused over our heads. Her body,which had finally relaxed, was tense again. Her breathing increased. The hope that maybe I had a shot evaporated. When she pulled away, I let her. It killed me, but I let her.
Now on my third glass of whiskey, I need answers. I have no right to ask her.When I did, Icould practically hear her walls erecting around her with steel reinforcements.She doesn’t trust me, but I think she wanted to.Or maybe she does trust me and doesn’t want to.I just know,I felt her hesitation.
But I know who does have answers. This time I’m not leaving until I get them. I’m tired ofbeing told they can’t tell me. We’re supposed to be best friends. Well, it’s time for my best friend to spill.
I text Dane, telling him to meet me in Maddox and Ryder’s room in five minutes. Then informMaddox and Ryder that I’m on my way.
I get to their room just as the door opens. A petite brunette walks out with Maddox and Ryder behind her.She turns to kiss Maddox first, then Ryder, before walking past me.
Itilt my head with a bit of a smirk as I try to figure out how the hell they work so fast.
“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” Maddox repeats his earlier remark.
I just shake my head at them, walking into the room. Dane grumbles behind me. “What the hell is going on, man?” he scrubs a hand through his hair. “Can’t a guy make love to his girl without some kind of emergency?”
“Can’t you three go twenty-four hours without sex?” I snap.
“Jealous?” Ryder taunts with a wide grin.
“No,” I lie. I lie so damn hard.
