We may have gotten off to a rough start this morning – or yesterday– but I need him to know I would never let anything happen to Lyra. “I would never hurtLyra, Jake. I swear I won’t let this happen when she’s with me.”
I feel him go rigid around me.He doesn’t say anything for a bit which ismurder on my nerves. He finally pulls me away to look at me.His jaw is set, but his eyes are soft. “Cara, that never crossed my mind. I know you would never hurt anyone. I was worried about you.”
“I – I just assumed, maybe that was why you were so hesitant this morning and why you look so scared right now.”
“You assumed wrong,”he sighs. “You assumed very, very wrong. I’m so-.”
“No. It’s fine,” I cut him off. I’m still a little bitter over this morning, regardless ofwhy, and I don’t want his apology.
“You’re not going to let me apologize for that,are you?”
“I just don’t want it, Jake. It stung, but you have every right to voice your concerns about your daughter.”
“I wasn’t really concerned, Cara. I was an asshole because I....” he stops for a second,then shakes his head.
“Because you what?” I ask, now wanting the answer. I’ve always been nosey.
He smiles at me, brushing his fingers over my cheek.He has a look in his eyes I’ve seen every timeon the handful of occasions we’ve been alone. One I’ve never been able to decipher. One that makes me a little nervous with its intensity.“Cara, what happened to you?”
Just like before, I want to tell him. I want to reveal all my secrets to him. The ones that no one else knows. It’s a desire I can’t indulge. A desire I do not understand.
Jake is Dane’s friend, not mine. We don’t really know each other. We’ve never tried. Dane, Maddox, and Ryder are our only connections.
But this strange pull I have felt for him sincethat day in my apartment won’t go away. It makes no sense, making me uncomfortable because I don’t want to feel this way.
I feel another bubble of panic. Panic that I am in his lap. Panic that his arms are around me, cradling me, comforting me. Alarm that I am ready to tell him everything.Panic that I trust him.
Trust is what started this entire thing. Trusting a man.
“Don’t do that, Cara,” he says as hebrushes my hair from my face. “Don’t pull away. Let me in.”
I push against his chest, detangling myself. I throw my walls back up. Walls that aren’t just meant to protect me but him too. Then quickly reinforce them. “I need to go to bed now. I need to rest for Lyra tonight.”
His eyes get tight,and his mouth sets into a firm line.I turn my eyes away from him, not wanting to see his displeasure. I push it far away. “I’m sorry about all of this,” my voice quakes with nerves.
He lets me go without a fight. I stand up, going to the bed to pull the covers down. I feel rather than seewhen he is standing right behind me. My entire body goes on alert.An undercurrent oftension fills the space between us. My mind wars between my need to put distance between us and my desire to share everything.
He gently grips my upper arm, coaxing me to turn toward him. My eyes go wide when he trails a finger down my cheek again. I struggle to keep my breathing even and not flinch from the intimate gesture. “Do not apologize, Cara. Not for that. Not to me.”
I suck in a sharp breath but nod. Every other muscle in my body is paralyzed fromthe torrent of emotions the sweet gesture causes. Sensing my discomfort, he puts space between us. Sadness fills his eyes. I’m not sure ifhe issad about me or for me. I hope not the latter. I don’t want his sadness or pity.
He turns to leavewhen I remember he wanted to talk. “Jake,”I call out, surprising myself. I want him togo. I want toget my emotions under control,and I can’t do that with him confusing me. Yet, I call out to him. I mentally shake myselfwhen he turns to me with a raised brow. “What did you want to say to me?”
“I just want to say I was sorry about the plane,” he tells me over his shoulder. “Guessit would’ve been a waste of breath.” He doesn’t say anything else as he pulls the door shut behind him.
I exhale,then climb into the wonderful bed between the soft sheets and pray for sleep. Sleep I know won’t comewhen my mind is too overwhelmed with – everything.
I lay there quietly, trying to figure out why I suddenly feel such a pull to Jake.Trying to figure out hisreaction to me. What those looks mean. Why he seems so concerned.Then decide none of it matters. It doesn’t matterhow I react to him. It’s just a physical reaction. Nothing more. I won’t let it be more. I won’t bring anyone down into my darkness, and that’sprecisely what being with me would involve.
I’m not the same girl I was. I’ve seen things thatno one should see. Worse, those things are my fault and will haunt me forever. So I shove it all down and away.I lay thereinhaling deeply, holding it, then exhaling slowly. I clear my mind and focus my attention on the here and now. On sleep.Trying to think of anything but the memories that threaten to invade my newly found peace.
Jake
I should be sleeping. God knows I’ve tried.For at least an hour, I tossed and turned, replaying the events of the hour before over and over in my mind.
When I came out afterputting Lyra to bed, I was going to apologize.I had a speech planned that I worked on the rest of theflight. But she wasn’t there waiting like I asked.
Okay. So maybe I didn’t ask. It wasreally a demand.When she wasn’t there waiting, it pissed me off for some reason.
